Where do you draw the line?
My partners sister refuses to acknowledge our kids birthdays but expects extravagant gifts for her 3 daughters when it's their birthdays and sends us lists of things they would like most items total up over $100 each.
The thing that really annoyed me was it was my sons birthday last week she sent a txt saying happy birthday, we went there on the weekend for Mother's Day lunch. When we got there she and my mil were out shopping when they got back my mil gave my son a present and my sil said nothing didn't mention his birthday and unpacked a heap of new toys for her daughter that she had just brought while they were out. Then during lunch my sil started talking about and showing photos of what her daughter would like for her birthday next month and asking what I could get off her "list". I'm at angry that she didn't get him a present it's the fact that she couldn't do the right thing it's the thought that counts. My partner thinks I'm over reacting about the situation and being hormonal but I find it rude! It happens to all 3 of our kids. Where do you draw the line? Do you continue to buy these extravagant gifts for the nieces and wear a smile or play it how it goes you don't buy for our kids so we don't buy for yours?
Where do you draw the line?
Where do you draw the line?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Kids
15 Replies
No she is bloody rude!
I don't expect gifts for my kid, but no one in our family expects gifts or would dare ask for something.
I'm sure you wouldn't give a shit about the gift if she didn't make demands regarding her own child.
Wether she is being rude or not though this is your partners family, so it's up to him to handle it which ever way he chooses. So if she tries to ask you redirect her to hubby.
I certaintly wouldnt be buying gifts for her children if she doesnt buy for yours.. why should your kids have to miss out? Have you asked her why they dont buy gifts for your kids bdays? That is just rude and selfish to expect and tell you what her kids would like when your kids get nothing!!
I certainly would not punish your niece/nephews by getting them nothing but I would absolutely not be spending any more than an affordable set budget. For me it would probably be $20/30. This is highly rude and while I don't expect presents for my daughter a thought/card/any sort of acknowledgement is just common courtesy. Asking for something specific or having a list is ridiculous.
Nope only a mug would let someone do that.
Why dont you just show your shock at her absolute fucking hide when she says that? Youll be surprised the crazy thoughts people have when youcall them on shit like this. Just makes it easier not to be taken advantage of.
Sure get the kid a present if you do it for all the other cousins but it can be a sticker book or a handmade craft and card. or nothing as thats the standard theyve set.
I'd start giving cash in a card like $15-20 max, if she questions it tell her why. I would understand if it were a financial issue. My brother never buys my kids gifts as he cannot afford to but he certainly comes to spend some time with them on their birthday. There's no excuse for simply not acknowledging a child's birthday , geez a birthday wish and a hug at least would be nice!
I have 4 sisters. Only 1 buys for my kids and in turn her kids are the only ones I buy for. Simple. It is different if they have a birthday party that you attend - I think you feel you have an obligation to buy a present then but no way would I buy something that expensive if they never repay the favour.
I would give her kids a small gift like a colouring in book or a shirt. It's not fair to punish them by getting them no gifts but you certainly shouldn't be expected to get them $100 gifts!
My SIL is the exact same and also holds a party for our niece every single bloody year that we are expected to attend because we are her Aunty and uncle and have her cousins ? Makes me mad! I now don't even mention our nieces birthday around her mother so I don't get the list! I buy what I think is appropriate for her and her age and we give it to her when she is on a wknd with her dad and see her while she is with her dad and then make an excuse to not attend the party.
Your SIL is nothing but nasty and self centred. Ignore the list and buy what you want!
So rude.
My sister in law rarely buys my kids presents but my husband says it's not her kids fault so we still buy them presents.
The same sis in law never bought us anything for our wedding but for her one expected us to be a bridesmaid and grooms man and my 2 children to be the flower girls and page boy which we had to pay for all the outfits.
And then over family dinner a few weeks before the wedding she told me what she wanted for her wedding present off us.
I snapped and told her we spent enough money on her wedding and we will not be buying u a present.
She ended up crying and leaving the table. But geez did I feel better telling her how ungrateful she was being.
Let hubby deal with it then if he doesn't think it's a big deal. It is his sister after all, why the hell is this on you?
I find it rude, and I'd be pissed too. It's not like you've asked her what to buy for the kid. Plus it sounds like the kid is receiving an excessive amount of stuff from parents as it is. I'd do an activity, spend quality time with the child doing something you enjoy together, rather than lavish meaningless crap.
It's easy, explain to her why your annoyed!
No! Fuck her! Send her an extravagant list of the things your kids wanted for all of the birthdays she bought them nothing, and tell her she'll receive her daughter's gift after you receive all your items... What a cow! Until she can be a decent person, give her kids a card with $5 in it for their birthdays...
Do not buy gifts! Show her the same respect (zero) she shows you. If your husband doesn't understand tough!
She is so rude!!! I can't understand why she would have such high expectations and then get nothing for your kids.
Having said that if my brother didn't buy gifts for my kids I would still buy his kids gifts, cause I love them and I want to give them something. It's not the kids fault she is rude and selfish.
I probably wouldn't buy things off her list though, not for the price just because as mentioned before I love them and I want to give them something I think they need/want.
I am completely surprised by people who allow them self to be pushed around. There is NOTHING wrong with calling like it is, however it does help if the delivery is tactful.
The way I see it, you had the perfect opportunity to 'call it' on Mother's Day.
Personally, when she asked me what I would be buying her daughter, I would of said "what did you get Johnny again?" But in a tone that is non threatening and almost like you genunely forgot. See how fast she back pedals then.
My SIL is the same. But now my niece and nephew who are older than my children ask me, "where's my birthday present?" (Some days after actual birthday and not at a birthday party or anything) And I say. "Oh what did you guys get johnny, for his birthday?" End of story.
Sometimes, it doesn't always goes down smoothly but these people need to have a reality check and stop trying to manipulate people and take advantage of their generosity. If you allow it to happen, it's always going to be this way, the issue will just change.