I was just wanting to know if maybe I'm over reacting?
My child goes to his fathered every second weekend for 2 nights. He has been dating someone for two months and he has just informed me that he will be moving in with her and that our son will be staying there too.
Every bone in my body is screaming no, I'm happy that he has moved on as I have to but to move in with someone after two months? Do you actually know someone at that stage? Iv been with my partner for well over a year and I still won't move in with him as I don't feel it's a right time yet. Iv told him that he can still have every second weekend with our son but I'm not comfortable with sleepovers just yet but in the future I'm happy to look at it again. He's now setting up mediation for us to sort it out.
Am I over reacting?
Child living with a stranger?
Child living with a stranger?
Posted in:
Kids
14 Replies
Sorry I think you might be. If both are adults, if there is no indication that there are neglect or abuse issues, I don't think you will be able to stop the father having your child at night time. It might make it harder for the child to bond with father's new partner etc.
But how can you know if there will be neglect and abuse when nobody really knows her?
I think if he (ex) is willing to allow that then that's a great way for your child to get to know this other person at a steady rate until they feel comfortable and want to have sleepovers with the dad and partner. I was like you are, when I left my ex had his new partner move in immediately (I didn't know he had been seeing her behind my back for a year) and he's a total a-hole so didn't even introduce this girl and her children to my children first, but court orders say my children have to go so I had to keep sending them, that lasted 3 months, 2 months later a new woman and her kids live there, nothing I can do, the more I react the worse he behaved toward my children so I've learnt not to say anything. He won't work with me, but if your ex is willing to work with you then I don't believe there's any such thing as taking things "too slowly" when introducing new family. It's trivial to him as an adult but it's a huge deal to a child.
No, I don't think you're overreacting as such however I do think you need to consider his point of view also.
He obviously really likes her and wants a future with her, so how about you organise to meet up with her and see if it eases you're mind. Does she also have children?
All relationships move on different levels, obviously for you it's quite slowly but for him it seems like he moves fast. Of course it is daunting that your child will ultimately be in the care of someone else but it's very important to respect that.
What about for the child? what he wants comes second
I have met her and it didn't ease my mind. But thank you for your positive response. ?
it's not ideal that he is moving in with a new partner so quickly but it's not grounds to change custody/visits in my opinion.
Just like he could decide to share a house with a 'mate' or someone he met through a newspaper ad.
No youre not. However unfortunately he can make the decision and you just have to help your child navigate it, protect them and trust that hes a good parent enough to still parent and protect, not put the child in danger. The child does need their own bed and safe place to sleep if he doesnt provide that then you can not allow sleepovers. I would be really unhappy as well, obviously he doesnt take the risk and effect on the child seriously to want to move in so soon.
I'm leaning towards yes your over reacting.
My ex went on and on about how quickly my partner and I moved in together. However I'd known him for 5 years (through work) so although we hadn't been dating long probably also around 2 months it didn't seem that quick to us.
Ask to meet her, rather than just throwing her under the bus straight away give her a chance.
I have met her. And he hasn't known her for 5 years he's known her for two months.
I didn't even know my ex was seeing someone, he kept moving around and one day I asked for his address in case of emergencies and he admitted he was living with someone. I hadn't even been introduced and wasn't, I had to follow him down the road (can you believe he parked down the road because she was in the car, what a dick!) and introduce myself to her. Anyway my point is, you just have to go with it, there's nothing you can do, just hope they are a nice person. Mine turned out well, she is lovely from what my son says and the small amount of contact we have had in 6 years (I don't think he likes us communicating, still a dick!), I hope yours does too. At least your told you they were seeing someone and gave you the heads up they are moving in together ???
You have to trust his dad is going to look after him just as he has to trust that you will look after him when his not around. I moved in with my now hubby and stepdaughter after being with him for just 3 months. When you feel it's right you just do it, there is no right or wrong time length to wait. And really you can be with someone for years and not truely know them if that's what they want.
Your completely over reacting and it's his life it seems to me you still want to control what your ex does pull your head in if you don't want him living as you say with a stranger meet her get to know her and just because you have chose to not move in with your new man that is your choice
My ex just married someone he met in Feb this year.
It's his life and I can't control it. I don't want to.
You're over reacting. Unless your child is in danger you really can't do anything about it. He's the father and while he's in charge he's making the decisions. It goes both ways.