My 15 year old daughter is going through a rough time at school. Being bullied by kids and wants to be home schooled. She sees the social worker at school weekly. She goes to dancing 3 afternoons a week, I thought it was her safe zone, I thought it was a place to let out all that anxiety from school. But she broke down crying telling me her ballet teacher mocks her and now her so called dance friends are doing it to her in class too and the teacher does nothing about it. She doesn't hold her shoulders right or something:-(( I'm so upset and hurt Right now, seeing that this one place has now been taken from her too. I don't know what to do :-(((
6 Replies
Can you change schools and ballet schools?
Bullying is a horrendous thing. Do you know if it is extending beyond the classroom/dancing? Is she copping it when she leaves the classroom?
For dancing, could you maybe approach the teacher and ask for some one on one time to show her how to use her shoulders properly? Or get her to ask those "friends" who are teasing her about it to show her where she is going wrong.
That's not the right dance school for your daughter. Dance classes can be and are brutal. I was a ballerina. Old school ballet teachers are brutal and ballet is very corrective. It gets worse as you get older. You have to have an extremely thick skin unless you choose a school that is less about technique and more about having fun. I remember leaving ballet class in tears, many times because I have a big bottom so it's hard to tuck under enough and I have dipped shoulder on one side so always had to compensate and pretend they were even.
Ballet is brutal emotionally and I've never found it emotionally a release or safe place even though I couldn't get enough of it, and it's where I wanted to be.
Speaking from my own experience with relentless bullies when I was in high school, let her change schools if that is an option and also a different dance school. I didn't have the option to change schools and as a result I went from someone who loved school and was doing very well in all subjects to some one who was very withdrawn, wagged school every day I could get away with it, had panic attacks the days I did go and spent a lot of break times in the toilets alone, I failed year 11 because I missed so much school and would have to repeat so instead a left school got a job and never looked back.
I'd love to be able to look back at my school years as a happy time like most people can but the bullying still affects me to this day and I can't help but wonder what would have happened had I been able to change schools or even be home schooled.
I'm sure I don't need to say this but just be there for her and listen to her, I don't think I would have survived (literally) without my mum, I felt like she was the only one on my side who actually stuck up for me.
Go see for yourself. Are you there at dancing?
If your daughter is happy to continue, ask the dance teacher to ease up on the critiquing, and to show support. Your daughter is fragile. She needs extra support right now. If teachers, mentors, principals, etc cannot provide the support that your daughter needs and deserves, then you walk.
Are you satisfied with the school's management of the bullying? What strategies are in place? What has changed? Are you in regular contact with the principal? If you are not being heard, then take it higher, and always do it in writing.
I would be taking her to an independent psychologist, not just the school's inhouse counselor. See your GP. You need more professionals on your side, people who can write reports, and letters of support, for when you withdraw her from school, not because you've registered for homeschooling (which then puts the onus on you) but because they failed in their duty of care, and you have a medical certificate exempting her because of xyz.
You can get an advocate to attend any school meetings with you, look up your local area free advocacy services, or take a trusted friend or relative.
Fight fight fight for your daughter's rights!
My daughter went through this last year and it was the hardest thing as a mum to see and how bad it broke her. I told her she needed to confront the girls and put it back on them, call them out on their bullsh*t and After she did they thankfully left her alone (I'm not saying this is always the outcome, it's just a suggestion) The biggest life lesson I've tried to teach my daughters is
Don't believe people's bullsh*t
Don't feed into people's bullsh*t
Don't accept people's bullsh*t