just curious do we as parents have the right to go through our teenagers stuff/ where does one draw the line for privacy? just having a few issues about this in my house
just curious do we as parents have the right to go through our teenagers stuff/ where does one draw the line for privacy? just having a few issues about this in my house
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6 Replies
My mum never snooped in my room, she didn't even clean my room, or change the sheets. That was on me to do. But we had a very close relationship and I'd never given her a reason not to trust me. I'm sure the rules would have changed if there had been any reason to think I was using drugs, drinking or not doing what I should be doing. I also never freaked out when mum went in my room because I had absolutely nothing to hide.
I've basically followed the same lines when it came to my son, he has given me absolutely no reason not to trust him so need to snoop. He has earnt my trust over the years.
I'd be far more concerned about monitoring smart phone/internet use these days. So again we've used the earn your trust. First year of having access was tightly restricted and monitored but as trust has been earnt I have monitored less and less until total freedom.
I always think we have a right to snoop but I don't always think that leads to good quality relationships and I'm glad I felt I could go to my parents with any problems rather than feel I had to hide from my snoopy parents like friends did.
Yes of course you do, however in doing so be prepared for what you may find. You may find more than you are looking for, will you be able to deal with that? If you do find what you're looking for, how will you approach your teenager about it? There's always big consequences about breaking someone's trust. Depending on the age, I certainly would not want to do it myself.
Just from my personal experience as a teenager- I had next to no privacy as a teen, it really only caused me to be more secretive. My mum would go through my clothes, throw out important school work (she assumed was rubbish) My belongings were never where I left them. If it wasn't my mum it was my little brother snooping through my stuff, I felt like I never had my own space (they'd both just barge into my room whenever they wanted). Honestly I'm still a bit resentful about it.
So yeah, I feel like teenagers do deserve a certain level of privacy eg. Knock before entering their room, don't rumage through their stuff, don't clean their room (they should be doing that anyway).
Monitoring their online/smart phone use is probably under a different category though, that's probably something I'd monitor closely depending on age, say 12 to 14 I'd want full access to phones and social media though I think I'd relax about it a bit more as they get older (start paying the bill ect)
At some point you do need to loosen the reigns a bit and just trust in your parenting that your raising responsible kids.
I would say yes to a certain degree, BUT, my mum never went through anything of mine, we were like best friends, my dad on the other hand was quite the opposite and that was the reason I moved out with a boyfriend at 16 because even though I had nothing to hide, he made me feel like I should have been hiding stuff because he didn't trust me anyway.
If he had of asked me outright I would have told him the truth. My mother though, because she always trusted me, we're still like best friends and I'm 23.
I'd be very careful with how you handle the situation as it may make them more secretive and push them away.
Depends on their age. If you have great reason to worry snoop snoop snoop but make sure they don't find out and try to get them to bring out the truth themselves. Unless it's something super serious like they have been abused the you of cause need to act straight away. I mean if they hiding something and won't tell anyone sometimes snooping is needed to protect them.
We look through our daughters phone randomly on occasion to make sure she is keeping to phone rules and that she is being truthful (we have caught her out in some lies over the past 12months so there is some reason for concern).
Her online usage is very closely monitored, we do also randomly access her facebook account and music.ly to make sure she is being careful and not adding or talking to strangers.
We don't snoop through her personal belongings in her room, her diary etc. If I had reason to believe I needed to then I absolutely would though