Today I fell apart, we live next to a park where I was walking our naughty dog who was being difficult my husband pulled up and I completely lost it at him in front of his brother after him being our playing golf all say whoops I'm 20 weeks pregnant living in a city with no family around I miss my family so much my husband isnt very supportive and i think he's quiet selfish he goes out playing golf every weekend and has no interest in me I feel so alone and today I snapped ? of couse he's saying I'm a physco and need help and my behavior is disgusting and says I put no effort in myself ? am I a freak ladies? .
5 Replies
Your not psycho, you are married to the wrong man.
There are men out there who will want to spend time with you and who aren't selfish.
Go you, I'm glad you did it in front of the brother, some things just need to be said!
I just read something that explains what some people do. They push you and then when you respond they say your emotional, being psycho, overreacting, to make you feel crazy. This is emotional abuse and manipulative.
The fact is you are 20 weeks pregnant and having feelings, only a psycho wouldnt see youre in need right now. If hes your only support, id say prepare to move and get yourself set up with suppprt before the baby comes.
Also note Im not excusing you losing it at him and thats not cool, but it doesnt mean you get abuse for it, you should both be problem solving. And if you both calm down and then listen to each other and help each other, then you need to learn how to do that without thr blowout next time, for the sake of your relationship and the baby being ina volatile environment.
And if he you cant both come back together with love and talk and listen, he just wants to blame and ignore, then move on and take care of yourself.
You're certainly not a freak, we all have moments and lapses in judgement.
Your husband still needs to have time to himself and I imagine golf is his way of doing this, do you have an interest that you do separately? It's important to maintain healthy relationships/hobbies outside of the relationship. In saying that though, if his hobby is affecting you then you need to get him to understand that you require more attention. Does he know how lonely you are? I don't think it'd be healthy to be in relationship with someone who wanted to spend all of their time with you, it'd be overbearing.
Do you have a group of friends to turn to? If not, I'd jump onto some local Facebook groups and see if there are some people interested in a catchup.
You need to have a sit down and figure out a plan of action of how you can both be satisfied. It isn't appropriate for him to turn it on you however it may have been said in the heat of the moment, I'm sure he was embarrassed at the way you spoke to him in front of his brother.
You aren't a psycho. Yes, you do need help - FROM HIM.
I think you need to sit down and think about some expectations and compromises. Would you be happy for him to golf once a month or once a fortnight? Could he get an early tee time or only play nine holes and be back for lunch? My hubby rides motorcycles and we discussed how often he could ride and how often he could do big all day rides. At the time I had no friends in the area so I needed his help. If he isn't willing to compromise or change his habits when discussed calming, it's time to have a hard think. Babies sure make life different, and those first years are stressful! If you can't rely on him to help and be there, you have some serious thinking to do about your future.
Speak to your midwives - they may have other mothers due around the same time or in the same situation they could introduce you to. I made my friends at my mother's group and they are a godsend. Other great places to meet mums are Playgroups.
Also speak to your midwives about how you are feeling. They can put you Intouch wth counsellers etc or just be a friendly ear to listen. They are their to support you! Let them help.
Could you visit family or have Mum/sister/bestie come and visit you? Use it as an excuse to do baby shopping etc and pamper yourself with a massage.