Hey everyone I'll try keep this as short as I can.
I was blessed with the birth of my first daughter a short time ago but since having her I have noticed that I get along differently with my Inlaws.
I have always had a great relationship with them prior to her birth. Always got along great and felt very accepted into the family.
Since the birth it's my behaviour that has changed. I can't stand how they talk and interact with her and I always feel like I am being judged by how I parent my daughter. I do suffer from depression and anxiety so not sure if that is contributing or the hormon changes since her birth.
We go to their house once a week and even if my baby is crying to me it feels like they are trying whatever they can not to give her back to me. Even times when I have gone to get her they jump in even when I saw no it's okay. Sometimes they don't listen to me when I ask them not to do something with her.
I guess what I'm wanting to know is if anyone has been through similar and did it get better. I miss the relationship I had with them, I just don't know how to make my self go back to how I was with them. I notice some times I go in between the way we used to be to the way I am now with them.
Again the change has been within me they haven't changed the way they treat me and love my daughter to bits
4 Replies
Is it possible you are interpreting there desire to give you a break, and them trying to bond with there grand daughter as 'judgement and taking over'?
Your in laws are probably thinking back to when they had children and how they either desired help and support from the grandparents.
I agree with the above poster, it sounds as they're trying to take the load off of you when you see them and help out. I'd embrace them wanting to help and settle her down on behalf of you, so many people don't have someone around them who is willing to do that.
I do think though that if you ask them to not do something with her then they need to respect that, so definitely reiterate when you say no to something and if need be, explain why so that next time there is no excuse.
This is so similar to me. Except my mil would speak down to me and just do the oh I didn't mean it like that when her son said something until I stood up for myself and told her as a grandparent she doesn't get to ever trump me as a parent. Ever. She doesn't get a say in any decision regarding my son. (Before judging my comments you have no idea the crap this woman had done to me)
I too have anxiety at times.
If you don't want them to do something you need to be firm.
As for the visits. I am hearing you .
Look at it like this. It's one day a week. If they keep doing things you don't like especially not letting your Lo go to you when they are visibly wanting you , just calmly walk over and put your arms out and explain that your not the sort of person who lets their baby cry for their mum and not attend to their needs/ wants.
Inlaws are daunting at times . We can't all have the super cool laid back accepting your decisions inlaws .
I completely understand how you feel, I too felt like this for the first few weeks after our sons birth but only towards my father in law who was over the top, it got to the point that I would go out of my way to ensure he couldn't hold him (which is heart breaking) because I felt like he was trying to steal my son from me. All I can say is it does get better once all your hormones settle down and everything eases back into place. Communication is very important as well, let them know how you feel. It will get better I promise as I couldn't honestly do this some days without their help x