I'm in the fresh new stages of a new relationship, it feels like we've known each other forever, fallen madly in love quite fast. Have told each other things that, at least I, have never told anyone. I've got children from one previous long term relationship. However I'm holding back something, I have debt. Debt for which I have made payment arrangements and am chipping away slowly. Should I tell him of this? Terrified it will scare him away, I have already made it quite clear that I am independent, have no designs on anything he may or may not have, and would always want to keep our finances separate, regardless of how serious it may or may not become. Does he need to know or because I have it completely under control is that something I can continue to fix and keep to myself?
6 Replies
I think he needs to know, just as I would fimd it strange if i thought i knew everything about my partner then found out theres huge things like this that I dont. It would shake my whole trust.
but he doesnt need all the details, just to know you have a debt or that youre not discussing your finances with him and its definitely not because youre secretly wealthy. Thats enough until you feel it is his business to know the details.
Is it quite a large sum or does it affect your credit rating? If so, I would bring it up as it may hinder loans in the future and cause drama. I know you say you want to keep them separate, however what if in future you do choose to buy a house or go on a holiday etc. together for?
I would want to know, I'd be pretty peeved if I'd invested time with someone to find out it could be hindered because they have debts that affect their credit rating and future potential to move forward in a relationship.
Unless you are planning to move in together soon then I wouldn't bother yet.
If you are discussing moving in and have plans to move in soon then yes he needs to know.
Just like you need to know his financial situation. One of you only has to become disabled, sick or loose and a job and will need to be dependent on the other if you live together.
If you don't plan to live together then the only person who needs to know is you.
You mention you are in the early stages of a relationship so i'd say no you don't need to share it will have a direct impact on your relationship. If not then why would it be relevant? You may be in several early stages of relationships and you wouldn't want to be sharing all your personal information to several people-only share it if it will directly impact the other person right now or plans in the near future (1 year or so).
I don't think it's about telling him or not at this stage. Is about not withholding. If something comes up and you would naturally say something about your debt I reckon you should say it and not hold back cause that's not open, it will stress you to not say and could been seen later as deceitful. You might not choose to say much if it comes up, and make it clear you have it in control, but hiding it could become a problem. If it doesn't come up at this stage, no need to seek out a conversation yet - early days. Enjoy without shame.
I am in $30,000 debt from my previous relationship which I was left with. Being a single mother with no job at the time I struggled with finances.
I'm in the same situation as you, fallen madly deeply in love but I told him, I didn't tell him too early on how much exactly but later on just in conversation said it and he didn't bat an eyelid. If he loves you for who you are and your paying it off without being in serious financial difficulty he should be fine with it xx