More needing advice then a direct question.
I'm nearly 30. 2 kids. Live at home with my family. My baby's father is alcoholic and we have been on a downward spiral for the last 2 years (since baby arrived) he and I live separately. But still trying to make things work.. however at same time trying to keep myself and kids stable. Yesterday a very dramatic and violent -physically and verbally and emotionally fight took place between my mum and I. This has been occurring for the last 10years however yesterday was probably the absolute worst it's ever been. To the point where she kicked me and the baby out. I came back in the evening and avoided her like the plague. I've spoken to my "partnet" and told him to find a place asap for us to move into. I'm so so low and depressed. Either way my relationship with my mum who I do everything for mind you and have put my own life on hold to suit her... the relationship is stuffed. If I move I'll be the worst if I stay I'm already the worst. I guess I am looking for words of wisdom from anyone who may have encountered an abusive mother. She has said all these terrible things about me and I know deep down they are just words but they have broken me. I'm only holding on to this bit of strength for my kids. If I didn't have them, I'd be however many feet down. Cause she just hammers and hammers until ur nothing. Yet says it's me that's the manipulator and abuser and terrible one. She was absurd by my dad for 20years. And now I think that has mentally affected her and now does it to me 100 times worse.
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3 Replies
Don't move in with your partner. Move out on your own. Moving in with him would be just as disastrous.
It's not an either/or situation. No more relying on anyone else, you're off to a late start but make this year your year.
Move out. Do not rely on the alcoholic baby daddy to find you a house, dude can't function without booze, your housing is not his priority. If after 2 years he's still "trying to make things work", shit just doesn't work. It's just another stressor on top of a stressful enough situation.
Abusive parents suck. See your GP and get a referral to a Psychologist. Talk through what's going on to learn the coping strategies you need to use. Yes you need them. Yes you will also probably have to leave your mum behind unless she sorts her own shit out. She's doing what she knows and if she doesn't want to know better you have to draw a line and be willing to stick to it. You have to want better, learn better and be better if you don't want your kids growing up with the same behaviours.
Once you start to get on top of things you'll find there's a lot out there to live for.
I'm asking this in the nicest possible way: what is stopping you from moving out on your own with your babies?
Living with your mother is not good for you or your children...neither is living with the alcoholic father of your children.
I think its time to seek help from services and get out on your own! It will be hard, but living with that alcoholic or that mother would be harder.
You don't need to rely on either of these people. Go to your community services centre and ask for help. They will be able to put you in touch with services to help you. Good luck!