Hey Ladies,
Just after your opinions before I ask my almost 4 year old a question. My Ex partner calls the kids very rarely (maybe once a week) He is visiting them for Easter next week for the first time since Christmas and was speaking to them on the phone lastnight. We have been separated for 12 months but he still sends me inappropriate messages calling me baby etc. I have a new partner (not interested in your opinions on it being too soon for a new relationship, or too soon for another man to be in my children's lives, I have known him for quiet some time) My new partner mentioned to me last night that once my children got off the phone to their dad, my almost 4 year old son made a comment to him which I didn't hear because I was making dinner, saying he needs to go away because his dads coming and it's only going to be his mum and dad and him and his sister. I understand that having someone new in my children's lives is confusing, but would his comment be because his dad has said something to him on the phone? Or because it is something that a 4 year old would say in this sort of situation. The kids adore my new partner and I thought it was strange that out of nowhere my son has said something like this. Thanks.
4 Replies
Maybe, maybe not. Kids do jump to these conclusions on there own. It's quite natural for a child to want there bio parents together. Doesn't mean Dad didn't say anything. You need to speak to your child.
Definitely need to speak to your child and see what he is feeling. Ask if he feels comfortable with your new partner being present whilst dad is here or would he prefer him not to be. And then respect what those wishes are :) Good luck :)
I agree, it's definitely something you need to chat to your child about. Coming from experience, my mum was with a new partner a short time after leaving my dad (way shorter than yours) and it definitely affected my little brother who was 9 at the time. He had a lot going through his mind, was confused and did lash out and tell mum's new partner not to be around because his life as he knew it was smashed to pieces. Children want their parents together and obviously life isn't always like that so it's really important that they know they can talk to you about anything that they are feeling and they're not going to be chastised for it or made to feel bad (not saying you're doing that at all).
My dad would say a lot of bad things about my mum and mum never said a bad word against Dad but she could have handled the situation better in hindsight but how is one to know exactly what to do anyway! I'm sure you are doing everything in the interest of your children and ensure they can talk to you about anything they are feeling, that's all you can really do.
My four year old would still draw us together as a family and plan our wedding that image of their family unit sticks with them. I dont think its from the ex and think its ok to gently explain again that dads coming because he loves them and so does mum but mum and dad live seperately.
also if your child likes to see mum and dad together thats healthy for them if he doesnt cross boundaries maybe you could go out for a picnic just you and him and the kids.