For those who had difficulty deciding if you should have a second child. What did you decide and why, and do you ever regret it?
My husband and I think we would like another child and think it would be good for our anxious, funny, usually happy but high maintenance 2 year old. The problem is that we are very scared of taking the leap. The first year with our first child was super tough, it almost broke is. What if the arrival of another child is just as hard (or harder) and we upset our happy little family for good ?!?
To have a second child...or not
To have a second child...or not
Posted in:
Kids
6 Replies
Hmm sounds like you aren't completely on board yet which is fine, maybe wait a year or two and see how you feel. In the meantime things like playgroups, daycare etc will help with your 2 year old :)
I decided not to. Turns out for me it was the right decision. I've never regretted my decision at all. My now adult son is definitely high maintenance, extra medical needs a combo of unusual disorders and having another child would definitely have stretched us too thin. I was already stretched thin enough.
While I'm sure my son would have enjoyed a sibling for me that wasn't a good enough reason. I knew a second child would have not had there fair share of there needs met, plus chances are they could have had there own complex needs and for us that wasn't something I was prepared to deliberately do. I'm sure we would have gotten through it if we had HAD to do it, but to choose it, hell no.
It took me about three years to make up my mind, really decide and then get my tubes tied.
If you don't have to decide now, don't, sit on it a bit longer, the answer will come to you. It doesn't matter if there is a 2 year gap or a 10 year gap.
We decided no, after being on the fence for 5 years. Our little one is nearly 6 and is WONDERFUL. We love her completely and while I still get the guilts over her not having a sibling a bit, we are pretty happy with our decision. We haven't had great financial stability over the past few years and it is, in part, an economic decision we made. I also suffered from horrific post natal anxiety, and the decision also took my health into consideration.
This is a very personal choice and one person's situation is not going to be the same as someone else's. Personally we have 5 kids (14 months, 2.5 years, almost 4 years, 5 years and 6 years). Hubby and I are planning on 12 (We are currently trying for number 6). I wouldn't have it any other way. My house is noisy, messy and some days I want to rip my hair out (ill also add we Home School too). My eldest was a terrible sleeper..... Awake every 2 hours at night, cut to only 1 day sleep at 5 months old (on their own), didn't sleep through the night until 14 months old, had colic, severe eczema (requiring wet wrapping) and had an asthma attack at 6 months old needing a 2 week stay in hospital. So its pretty safe to say we were absolutely terrified when I found out I was pregnant again. Second child was the complete opposite to number 1. Awesome sleeper, no medical problems, breast fed like a dream... number 3 was worse than number 1. Number 4 and 5 were in between, a few problems but nothing major like 1 and 3. People call us nuts but this works for our family. We have a good income so we are lucky, our kids are happy and healthy. You find order in the chaos. My eldest 2 like to help out, especially with the youngest, I let them help. Number 3 idolises the eldest and copies everything (excepting helping lol) Number 4 and 5 are very similar in personality. Number 1 was very full on and when number 2 came along it actually help bring a calm to the house. Number 1 was always telling us when "my baby" was asleep and we had to be quiet, baby needed a blanket so they would get one and so forth. Don't get me wrong Number 1 was still full on and could really get worked up but there was a calm. Number 1 was thinking of number 2 and if they made too much noise then "my baby" would get upset. For us there was never any question of having more kids. I know its not right for all, but we wanted a big family. Even with all the chaos, for us it is worth it.
We had a second child with a 3 year age gap after struggling with our first, just due to inexperience and adjusting to parenthood and honestly it has been very very hard. I do love our second child but he's much much harder work than our first, very strong willed and bad tempered plus a terrible sleeper and we're not a very happy household overall unfortunately. I know things will improve with time but in the thick of it, I do wonder if having a second was the right decision for us. Saying that, I really think it depends on the personality of the second child which of course can't be predicted! If ours was more easy going, I think things would be very different. Good luck with your decision.
This was me 5 years ago. My husband and I had a beautiful 2 1/2yr old son who was super tough as an infant. Colic, silent reflux which meant lots of screaming and sleepless nights eventually resulting in PND. I discussed this with my mummy friends when considering another baby and some advice was that if it happened again I would know exactly what to do and would take no for an answer when seeking help. Also the chances of the same or worse challenges is fairly slim. So, we took the plunge and had a gorgeous baby girl. She was a 'normal' happy baby, no extra challenges ;on top of the normal things) and an absolute delight in all of our lives. I'm so pleased I had another baby to leave us with a really positive experience. My kids (6 and 3) are the best of friends (most of the time) and to hear them playing melts my heart. Goodluck with your decision xx