Hi. I'm after some advice please.
My partner has split from his ex after 8 long yrs have been separated for 5 months & we have just got together. But his ex won't allow him access to his 2 kids. He asks her multiple times a day.
Back story he quit his job for 6 months so she could go back to work. She never saw them as he was there before they woke up & stayed to put them to bed when the mother came home she hadn't seen her kids that was 6 months of that.
He is very close to his kids. It's brraking his heart.
There is no court orders in place but what rights does he have. TIA
15 Replies
It's time for him to man up and go through the proper procedures.
He should firstly organise mediation through a mediation centre. If it can't/doesn't get resolved in mediation he will get a certificate allowing him to take it to court.
While he is waiting for mediation he needs to contact legal aid. They can tell him his rights, the kids rights, if he'd be entitled to on going legal aide or if he'd have to self fund a court case.
It's best to understand his rights now, quite frankly he should have done this months ago. It's very easy information to find out and very easy to do.
You can tell him the processes but he needs to organise it all.
Don't take everything he says at face value (I'd say this to any man or woman in your situation) there is often a lot more going on to cause a parent to with hold children. The vast majority of parents do the right thing and try and provide some sort of relationship.
Yes! Doesnt see his kids ever, has no insights on why, but oversells what an amazing dad he was and what a shitty mum she was all in one go - BEWARE!!
Yes, I was thinking the same and had time to repartner in 5 months but doesn't have custody of his kids sorted. I'm a bit cynical of him quitting his job so she can work too.
So sheworked and didnt see her kids for 6 months? I think youre being a bit gullible. He can go to court and work out a custody arrangement. Be careful you dont jump in on his side of the talk, step back and watch his actions. 1. You will learn a lot about him. 2. He needs to complete his divorce and organise his childrens care himself, just between him and his ex, without involving a third party.
And he shouldnt be texting or calling her numerous times a day, thats not a good thing.
Just take a big step back out of it.
Yep, calls her multiple times a day but hasn't organised mediation yet, or spoken to a lawyer.
Big Red Flag
People who have nothing to hide are more than happy to go through proper channels
I agree...if its been 5 months, you'd think he'd have looked into going down the correct channels to sort it out. Obviously messaging her several times a day isnt working....
Question: are those messages abusive?
He needs to do more than hes doing. Like organise mediation.
I just want to say that I believed everything my ex said to me and how it was always his ex partners fault. I believed him. Now I'm the one trying to protect my daughter from him for very very good reasons. I've found out things I wish I had known years ago and I wish I wasn't stupid enough to believe all he told me. Because I'm now dealing with those very issues.
Not saying this is the case but just wanting to say what your being told might not be correct.
Your getting one side of a story for someone you've just met. Keep an open mind it might not be all that you've been told.
Yes, I really think we should be calling the ex wife or wives for a reference check, save a lot of heart ache down the track ?
She has no reason to lie, unlike him...
This is so true. I can't believe I listened to everything. I read things in some documents I should've believed but I believed his version despite some things that are in front of me.
I pushed and did everything because he sooked about how he didn't see his other children to 3 different people and it's them keeping them for her own selfish reasons!
How I'm so much wiser now! Even spoken to an ex that doesn't have kids with him and what she went through I was mortified!
I'm keeping my child safe from a monster.
I just hope the poster keeps an open mind. Because I'm now trying to rebuild my life while keeping my child safe. He's psychical hurt her, he's disobeyed medical orders, he's emotionally abusing her.
I'm not saying that some women don't keep kids for there selfish reasons because some people can just be nasty but most of the time they have good reasons.
Tip to the poster. Ask about previous relationships. See what responses you get from him and the way he talks. If it's ALL bad and ALL the ex's fault. Run run for the hills! No one can have multiple failed relationships and it not be partly their fault. All past relationships to my ex it was theor ex's fault. Name called the ex all these names etc etc
Big red flags if he speaks really badly.
Hope it works out for the poster.
He needs to go through the correct channels. He needs to start with calling relationships Australia to organise mediation. That is the best start. He needs to be willing to go through the correct channels otherwise it just turns into a giant shit storm.
Just be wary too...if you only just got together like you say, you most definitely won't know the full story because just like the beginning of most relationships, a person sells the best side of themselves. I hope it gets sorted for the kids.
My ex used to spit shit that I never let him see our son. It was an open invitation but it wasn't good enough apparently because he had to travel. Afternoon he turned two we met half way and then suddenly almost a year ago he stopped seeing him or inviting him to family events that only being Christmas. I bet he lies and says I'm stopping him but it's his choice
The first guy I met after my divorce seemed nice, said he used to have 50/50 care of his kids, but hadn't seen them for weeks because his crazy bitch ex wife was stopping him. Hmmm now that didn't sit right with me, we can't all be crazy bitch ex wives can we??? So I stepped back before getting involved at all.
I know my ex did the woe is me crap to everyone, he got loads of sympathy. He was too busy starting up with a new chick instead of getting a job. He paid no CS for ages and then was 'sick' and couldn't have the kids, then didn't have anywhere stable to live for them to stay anyway. But I always encouraged them to go see him. They wanted to be with him every weekend, he only wanted every second weekend. Fuck it annoys me how low we set the bar for these blokes, and heap all sorts of shit on the mums. I reckon a genuine case of crazy bitch ex wife might be .00001%
The next guy I met, I listened carefully to how he spoke about his ex wife. He was very respectful and no bitching or whinging at all. I'd say that is a major thing to look for, if a guy you've only just met is trash talking his ex, plus they've only been separated 5 months, I'd say ride like the wind Bulls eye IE get the fuck out of there, he's a tosser!
Yes. Especially how he talks about a working woman and mother as neglectful. Shes working her ass off where is his respect?! And She was supporting his lazy ass. But he quit to do her a favour? Really?! shes doing it ALL right now for the last six months at least so I really doubt she wasnt before that. I think hes selling horse manure. Red flags everywhere.
Maybe get his phone and message her 'explain to me really clearly why I cant have the kids and what I have to do to have them' and see what you learn. and make sure you do it yourself, dont trust what he tells you or the bits he chooses to show you
I would want to know how a man repartnered after splitting from his former partner 5 months ago but still hasn't yet organised visitation with this kids?! Big red flag!!
But also as one of "those mothers" that keeps their kids from the father (obviously in the fathers eyes) I would stay out of it, no child should ever meet a new partner prior to at least 6 months or a year. They still need to organise their separation and co-parenting arrangements, it's not simple or clean cut especially with that much of a past or baggage (ie. children). That's not up to you and you should never put those children through meeting a new partner until you have met the ex partner and been in the picture for longer than 5 minutes.
Sorry to be harsh but think about the children, they deserve better and they especially don't deserve dads new girlfriend coming in to throw a spanner in the works. Tell him to google and he will find plenty of channels to go through but it's between him and his ex partner, not you. You should stay backstage.
I just saw the main Facebook page for this post. People are being really horribly mean to you and I am so sorry. But there is some truth behind the vitriol. Your partners story doesn't add up. Take it from us who have had a lot more experience with divorce and dating - you should be very cautious of this man.