Desperately need help.
How can I explain to my kids that they have 2 dads? They have not seen there bio dad since my youngest was 4 months old (now almost 7) for the past six and a half years he's had no contact with me or them (his choice). How can I tell them that a man they have no clue about is there dad.
To note. We separated due to him choosing drugs over his kids. I have also never stopped contact he did that himself as he believed he was to young to be a dad
3 Replies
I told my 2 kids when they were about 10/11. My husband and i told them together. And just basically said that my husband wasnt biologically their father. We gave them the option on whether or not they wanted to have contact their bio father and whether they still wanted to call my husband dad. 5 yrs later they still do not want to meet their bio dad and still call my husband daddy. I told them the truth ( i left due to domestic voilence when my youngest was 3 months old)without bagging their bio dad out.
I've just always spoken about it from day dot. I think it's easier to tell a child there story as soon as it happens because the it's not a 'surprise' it's just fact.
But now I'd sit them all down and tell them 'that when mummy was younger she met a man and had beautiful children with him but sadly he wasn't able to be part of a family because he had some problems so mummy lived on her own with the children until she met the man who you know as dad'.
Be prepared for questions and tears and confusion.
But you need to tell them really soon any longer and it will just get harder.
I'm in the exact same position with my daughter almost 7, so when we explained to her that her dad didn't help make her I kept it low key it was just a conversation with me and her going for a drive one day.. I told her exactly that a man helped me make you but daddy helps me raise you.. I've told her the man is a little busy with his life right now but maybe one day she'll meet him (she expressed she didn't want to) she also said so daddy chose me? I said yes daddy chooses to be in your life because he loves you and she liked that and often thanks him for choosing her (this is all a lot easier because my sister is gay and has a child without a "dad" so she knows sometimes a man who made a child isn't always in the picture still)
sometimes I'll get the occasional question About what the man who made her looks like and I'll give a description but due to domestic violence I don't show pictures or give his name just yet when she's older I'll explain more but she doesn't need to know as of yet the severity of why he's not here.