DS was raised in a home of verbal and emotional abuse by his father to his Mother, now the abuse has ended and he is gone, DS is doing the exact actions of his father to his mother. DS has been getting help from a Psychologist that excels in this field but its getting worse. DS is 8. DS showed none of this behaviour when his mother was living with his father, as soon as the DVO order was put on and his father had an access visit DS behaviour has slowly morphed into a horrid disrespect for his mother, calls her horrific names, destroys property. Mother is very distressed and does not know what to do, any suggestions would be appreciated. His mother tried to shelter and protect him that was her first priority but DS father did not care if he heard or saw all of the abuse.
4 Replies
The son is going through A LOT. He has gone through a big change in his family circumstances and so had anger and pain related to that. He is testing the boundaries with mum because he wants to test that she can parent and keep him in line without the fear of dad stepping in. Plus he has witnessed men abusing mum and so thinks that is what you do.
Any advice we give could just confuse what the specialist advises. So I think it's a terrible idea to give any, other than when a behaviour plan is implemented, behaviour often gets worse initially because the child tries to push back, but then improvement is seen. BUT your friend should reach out to the specialist for feedback etc.
Yes i agree with the first poster. You are likely to get a lot of opinions of people with absolutely no experience or understanding, probably on both ends saying either to love bomb him or give him a smack and take away all his things.
Neither is enough. He has seena lot and is going through a lot, stick to the advice of the professionals who knows his whole history and behaviours. You should be able to comtact them between visits when behaviour suddenly changes or you think its not working, and they should exploan to you the reasoning behind techniques and what they expect might happen and a timeframe.
Good luck keep working, in a positive environment I have no doubt this behaviour can be changed.
He prob has PTSD. Perhaps ramp up the support around him. See the psychologist more often. See if there's an uncle/mentor program they can access. He needs good men around him modeling acceptable behaviour toward self and others. An outdoor adventure camp of a few days with great support to challenge him physically and mentally that is lots of fun might be the go
I'm in the same boat, except my son did do it before I left, and his father rewarded him for it. almost 5 years later and my son is getting worse, he has been in counciling the whole time since the split ( at my sole expense), (he does have ADHD as well), it would be nice if we didn't have to have the twice weekly catch ups with his father, ( but the courts know best right) , I really want my son not to be an abuser like his father but I'm failing miserably, I don't have any advise as I have tried everything all the councillors have suggested and nothing has yet worked for me. Just know your not alone