What happens when you're not finished?
Hi Mums. As I write this, I'm shedding a few tears, because I don't want my youngest child to be my last.
I'm a mum to 3 beautiful kids. My youngest is not long turned one. I just don't feel in my heart that I'm finished having children, where as my husband is certain he doesn't want anymore.
We have a 13 year age gap (I'm 29, he's 43) and he says that plays a part in his certainty. He doesn't want to be an 'old' dad. I see his point of view, but I just can't shake this feeling.
Every time I look at my youngest my heart sinks. That I won't have more tiny toes to kiss, little hands to hold my face. It's breaking my heart.
Please help me, what can I do? I don't want to force my husband into having more children he doesn't want, but I don't want to live the rest of my life with this heartache.
6 Replies
I have 2 kids, always wanted 4 but can't have anymore due to medical reasons. You just learn to deal with it as time goes on. With a small family I can afford more for my girls, I can put them in private schools, go on holidays etc. With 4 that would be much harder. Both big and small families have their pros and cons, you just have to look at the pros of only 3 kids and be content and happy with your family.
I grieved but then I got over it. It's normal to grieve.
I found making sure I was using mindfulness techniques really helped and I found myself grieving less and less. I also started to make plans for what other things I would do. Once I had things to look forward to things really looked up.
We have 3 kids for hubby the 3rd was a stretch he doesnt regret the 3rd but its a stretch. I love being pregnant and having the little baby. I would have kept going to number 4 if hubby didnt say 3 is enough. I went through a grieving period and i do everytime a milstone is met for my youngest. It took me ages to get rid of cots and baby things. Next year my youngest starts school its going to be a really hard one and will prob come with tears. But i respect my husbands feelings and understand his reasons and we have 3 healthy happy children.
I understand. My hubby is 10yrs older than I am. He's the youngest in a small family, I'm the eldest from a large one. I always wanted loads of kids, he was initially keen but has now decided he's 100% totally done with our 4. I was so hoping to 'feel done' when our youngest was born but I just don't. Every time he mentions going to get the snip my heart breaks a little. I keep telling myself I need to respect his choice and reminding myself of all the positives that no more means but I think there will always be a sadness there. While he hasn't actually had the op I nurse a very faint hope he might be persuaded into one more, but I'm so kidding myself :( It's hard to give that dream up.
Each child costs a small fortune to be able to give the opportunities in life to succeed. Weather you like it or not its fact, concrete on giving your existing kids wonderful starts in life over having to go without so you get your fix. Time for you to start your emotional health journey and find out what is happening with you. Listen to your husband.
I'm 39, the thought of having a baby now makes me physically ill, I totally get your husband. It's the same with anything we want in life that we can't have, you focus on what you do have and enjoy that.