Hi,
Little bit of a back story.
I'm married with 2 beautiful kids who I love more than anything in this world, I've always wanted a big-ish family but after my last baby was born I thought I was definitely done having babies which my husband was happy about. Well fast forward 18months and I was so very wrong..
Now all I can think of is having another baby. I told my husband this and at first he was open to it but now he just flat out refuses saying he doesn't want another baby because he can't do it again.
I get so upset thinking that I'll never get the chance to have another baby and now I'm starting to feel a lot of resentment towards my husband because its no longer what he wants which deep down I understand and respect how he feels as I would never want him to do this just to make me happy but it's driving a massive wedge between us and I don't know how to fix it.
How do I get over this before it totally ruins my marriage?
Thanks
4 Replies
For me I made a decision to get over it. I know that sounds very simplistic but it's what I did.
I grieved, yes but I set an end date on my grief. Eg I'm going to allow my self time to cry and be sad for the next 3 weeks. But then I'm going to draw a line under the sand and get over it. So I cried and felt sad etc and then after the end date started using mindfulness techniques.
So after that end date I practiced my mindfulness so bloody hard, being in the moment of whatever activity I was doing. If I was work I made myself think about the work activity, if I was making dinner I made myself think about cooking dinner.
It got to the point where I didn't think about babies anymore because my brain was too busy thinking about other things. There were a few monents. Like when my sister had another, so I allowed myself an hour of tears and then started those mindfulness techniques.
If you don't think you can do that perhaps speak to a counsellor who can help you work through this.
I always wanted 4 kids. I have 2 now and am getting my tubes tied soon for medical reasons. I got a referral while I was still in hospital after giving birth to my youngest as the doctor said it would be dangerous for me to have anymore. I was quite upset and still think more would be nice, but I am very happy and content with my two I have now. I'm just very glad they are both girls, as I always wanted a sister and never had one so I was hoping I'd be able to at least give my oldest daughter a sister and I did, which makes it easier for me to be content in a way. As time goes on it gets easier. Lots of people lived happy lives having less or more kids than they wanted and I'm sure you will too :)
It's not fair to hold resentment towards him when you told him you were done having kids..
I feel for you..I felt the same way after 2 children..I just didn't feel finished and my husband was happy with 2 as he felt we were getting our life back but agreed to one more...I had some trouble falling pregnant and it made me crazy..finally my husband told me he would only try for another couple of months as it was emotionally draining on us and I agreed...he had a valid point... I thought it wasn't going to happen and felt a huge sense of loss...but I knew I had to make the decision to be happy with 2 healthy children and a loving husband which is more than most...it's not easy but your love for them will get you through...grieve it as long as you need..just don't loose the wonderful you already have <3