I'm done, I'm lost, I'm broken!
My son who turns 11 this year has behavioural problems, he's had behaviour problems since he was a baby. I've taken him to several councillors that have said he was fine other than suffering from some anxiety which they put it down to school. He underwent some tests and he has a below average IQ and needs a bit of extra help while in the classroom to understand things.
He is a very caring and loving boy when he wants to be but when he doesn't get his own way he gets really worked up and he will call me an idiot, break things etc.. But tonight took it to a new level, after school I said we had to go to the supermarket to get tea, he wanted to stay home so he could play with his friends, I said no we won't be long, he just ignored me and walked out the door and went to his friends place, I warned him there would be consequences if he went... He went, I gave him 15min to cool down and went to get him, he refused to come with me, I told him he was going to be grounded if he didn't come, he called me a friggin idiot he came home and we drove out of our street onto a main rd, I said to him that he is grounded for two weeks for the way he spoke to me, he had a complete meltdown and called me a fu**ing idiot and jumped out of my moving car at 40km!!!!! I pulled the car up got out and he ran, people came running out of their houses because they had thought I'd hit him with my car, He is fine other than some scrapes and scratches thank goodness..
I'm scared, I'm worried....if he did this, what else is he capable of!?! I don't know what else to do or where to go to get help, I'm still in shock that he did this.. Has anyone had anything remotely similar with behaviours?
I don't know what to do anymore
I don't know what to do anymore
Posted in:
Mental Health, Behaviour, Kids
3 Replies
Ok you say he has seen counsellors? Has he ever been seen by a behavioural psychologist?
I found counsellors are pretty useless when it comes to child behaviour.
A behavioural psychologist can help develop a behaviour plan that works with you and your son.
When was the last time your son was reviewed by a paediatrician. Has he had ALL disorders ruled out? I'd be wanting high functioning autism, ODD, ADHD, and a bunch of other things ruled out.
I work with kids with variations of those disorders especially High functioning autism and many of them have flown under the radar diagnostically until about 10, and some do display the behaviours you mentioned.
I agree with the poster above and give the same advice. I wouldn't be taking him to a counsellor as they do not have expertise in behaviour disorders. I would take him to a GP who could refer him to a behavioural psychologist. Straight away when I began to read your post it sounded like he has a disorder (not just bad behavior problems) I would get the psychologist to rule out whether he has ASD (autism spectrum disorder), ADHD, etc. All the best, I hope you get all the answers you need soon for your son. In the meantime, stay strong mama. Be positive and don't give up hope that he can get better. With much support and resources he will get better. I have close friends children who have autism and a good friend of mine who has it also. Much love xx
I have one son with autism and dyslexia and another with autism, ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and dyslexia. Anxiety comes as part of the package,my eldest at one assessment (when younger) had a below average IQ.
I have seen/experienced my fair share of aggression over the years!
Firstly, take a breath, and tell yourself "I am doing my best, with the tools and knowledge I have right now"
Your son may have autism and a good dose of anxiety on the side, he may have a SLD (specific learning delay) but who knows, until he is assessed and diagnosed by the right people. Throw in puberty and you get some big emotions!
My advice is this: get a referral to a Paediatrician, and speak honesty to your GP about the worst days (remember you need to be seen asap). See if the doc will call the paed to get you in quicker, given the nature of the situation being urgent. NB my paed has a 9 month waiting list, could be longer if seeing a public paed.
Then, when you go to paed, make sure you have all your sons medical history from birth, have a list of your sons behaviors and your observations and concerns, including speech development and other milestones. Take any reports/assessments and letters from other doctors/therapists. Take a trusty adult along too, someone who can take your son out of the room and you can talk privately with the doc. Do this for every appt going forward.
Depending on where you live, and what the paed suspects it could be, he may refer you to any number of the following: a Developmental Paediatrician, psychologist, behavioral psychologist, psychiatrist, speech therapist, occupational therapist. He might also recommend you see a Paediatric audiologist and a behavioural optometrist. This is all very overwhelming at first and can take quite some time to get appointments, then there's the assessment process, waiting on reports, then going back to the Paediatrician to get the final results and a diagnosis, if applicable.
You don't have to wait to get help! Community health (connected to hospital in NSW) have family and child social workers. Get you and your son some support and develop some strategies. I have learnt so much from various therapists, books, online research, parent workshops, info sessions. Again, time spent gathering, learning, and alot is trial and error.
Try not to freak out, or take it personally when your son is swearing, that seems to be an indicator of his rising level of anxiety. When my kids were in a specialized autism class, they had an emotion scale of 1 to 5, color coded from blue/green to red, with a face on each color,indicative of how that number/colour felt. Then along side each one in a column was written what that looked like for that particular child, anyway, this probably sounds confusing without seeing what I mean, but the point is, there is plenty of help,support and resources available to help you and your son.
In reading your story, I would not have mentioned being grounded on the way to the shops, an activity he didn't want to attend. I would have waited until back home in his safe space and then discuss it when he was calm. Have you noticed if shopping centres are a trigger for him? How is he with bright lights, crowds, noise, smells, tastes? He may be sensory sensitive,which is common in folks with autism, or can be a stand alone thing called SPD (sensory processing disorder).
It might be a case of "HE CAN'T vs HE WON'T". I had that one line plastered everywhere to remind me.
Anyway, I'm going to leave it there, I'm happy to answer any questions, just know that this will get better. Once we know better, we do better. It changes how we parent, but this is not a bad thing! Good luck! xx