Hi everyone, I'm a little lost/confused and am hoping I can maybe get some advise from you all.
I am a mum of 4 (2 with ASD) and have recently found out that I'm pregnant again!! I have always felt like I wasn't done and my family was yet to be complete but it just wasn't the right time just yet.
So to say we were surprised is an understatement. I've become super emotional and confused as to what this will mean for our family now. My husband is pretty much demanding I have a termination as he doesn't want another child due to possible ASD, extra expenses etc. He says he understands that it's going to be hard for me but he just doesn't want another child. I understand his opinion and he has some valid points but I do not know if I am able to actually go through with a termination. I am not sure I would recover emotionally from it as I do want this baby and am fearing I may start to resent my partner for making me go ahead with it. And he may feel the same towards me if I continue with the pregnancy!
Hope to hear if anyone else has been in the same position or can maybe give me some advise on where to go from here.
Possible Termination
Possible Termination
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy
10 Replies
This is a tricky one. I can totally sympathize with both of you. It might be worth both of you talking this through with a professional. Maybe you husband needs to look at a more permanent birth control method if he does not want more children also. At the end of the day it's your body so ultimately your choice. Remember to take into consideration your other children also. We all want more things in life, be it children, money, holidays but we can't always have everything we want. Good luck with your decision.
I have 3 kids and decided to terminate my 4th. Personally worst thing I ever did and feel like part of me is missing. Everyone's circumstances are different. But my only advice would be to pls think about it before rushing in and doing it as this is what I didn't do. And terminated at 5 weeks along. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do x
I'm currently in a very similar situation, after my husband spent two years finding excuses not to get the snip. No advice, just sympathy.
What an incredibly difficult situation for both you and your husband. I think that both of you would benefit greatly from seeing a psychologist prior to making any decisions as such a decision either way could impact your marriage. Marie Stopes also offer a free over the phone counselling service for anyone having a termination, I would recommend giving them a call.
I had a termination 4 years ago. I have 2 kids with ASD and I had a medical condition which led to a termination at 14 weeks. I was absolutely devastated at the time but now looking back on it I have no regrets. It was absolutely the best thing for my family at that time. Best of luck with your decision lovely lady xx
I think that even if a part of you wants to keep the baby, you keep the baby or you regret it for life. If your husband didn't want another one that badly he would have used a franga or made sure you were on contraception, he will get used to the idea. I would keep the baby but then again I kept the baby at 17 despite everyone telling me it was the wrong decision. I was the same, didn't think I would have ever covered emotionally from making that decision and if you already feel that now, imagine what you'd feel afterwards
My question to you is. Could you handle a 5th child if this one is also born and has ASD? Personally I think 4 children is plenty, a 5th will mean a different car and more expenses added to the ones you already have with the children already with ASD. Could you afford if another child had it not only adding to the stress on you and your partner. Very tricky situation.... but I can definitely see where your husband is coming from.
You and your husband need to work this one out together.
Do you have family support close by?
I had a termination over a year ago. I still feel guilty doing it...the first six months was terrible, lots of tears.
But we made a decision that we thought was the best for our whole family, so I do have to accept it.
You will knows what is best for you and your family. Best of luck x
Seek counselling for both of you straight away xx
Are you prepared to be a single parent of 5? If you go ahead without his consent, it may lead to the breakdown of your marriage
I'm a mum of three, two with asd. When I found myself in same position at 42 AND 43 (omg....!!!). It was basically a straightforward decision. I thought it wasn't worth the risk of another on the spectrum child and also too expensive. The actual process was straightforward and relatively painless. It wasn't horrible in any way.