Hi Mums,
Would this incident set off your alarm bells?
My 8 year old daughter (Grade 3) has informed me this morning of an incident at school that made her feel uncomfortable.
A girl from grade 1, that my daughter has never seen or spoken to before, approached my daughter at second break and asked my daughter for her name. My daughter replied with her first name and the girl walked over to her father, who is a cleaner at the school and then made her way back to my daughter. The girl then asked my daughter for her full name. My daughter then told the girl her full name (including middle name). The girl said to my daughter, "I know a girl with the same name as your middle name". The girl then walked back to her father and returned to my daughter. The girl then asked my daughter what grade and class she was in. My daughter told her "Grade 3" and they spoke about what block of classrooms she was in this year. This girl then went back to her father. Then the bell rang.
Not tooting my horn or anything but my daughter is a very striking young girl who is often approached by people because of her looks. This has made me hyper aware about her safety when taking her out and aware that creeps may see her as a target. This incident just doesn't sit right with me or my partner, but I wonder sometimes if I have a bit of paranoia because of the attention she gets because of her appearance. Also I have the recent case of the school cleaner who wanted to target a student and ended up killing the teacher in the back of my mind :(
I have informed the school officials and her teachers of this incident as a precaution and am waiting to hear back from them.
I'm just curious about what you would do, feel or think if this happened to one of your children?
18 Replies
Alarm bells would be ringing for me if this happened to my daughter. It sounds a little creepy. Keep us informed about how things go with the school.
Poster here:
Thank you for your reply. I will let you know what happens.
It's odd that the little girl kept returning to her father. It's not the way kids normally communicate.
There might be a perfectly innocent explanation but I certainly would have mentioned it to her teachers.
Sometimes parents of kids with social skills issues will be told to prompt/coach there children to socialise and so it could be a very awkward badly done example of that! Children rarely ask each other full names. Asking which classroom, yes and first names, yes but they just don't care about middle names. Usually if I was prompting a child to communicate I would have been standing much closer to the conversation to give a more natural prompt for the child to follow. Are you sure the man was her dad and not a teachers aid or shadow/therapist? Did he have a name badge on?
I am not in anyway saying that this is an innocent situation and if I had been there I would have thought it odd and I think it's good you reported it.
Poster here:
Thanks for your reply. The same thoughts crossed my mind about helping the child socialise, but as you said it was very poorly done if this was the case. The man is a cleaner at the school and the girl gave him a kiss when she went over to him. I think this is the reason my daughter assumed it was her father.
Actually my 5 year old constantly returns to me when he's shy
I would be very suss if this girl then asked your daughter for play dates etc. I think you have every right to question the motives. You've done the right thing by alerting he school.
Yes, alarm bells are ringing. I think you did the right thing xx
Id be catching the cleaner and asking him.
As already mentioned, it could be completely innocent and the child may have socialising problems. If your daughter was alone at the time, maybe the father encourage the daughter to strike a conversation and when she asked for the daughter's full name it may have been so they could organise a play-date. If that is the case, I would suggest that you have the child to your house or you all go to McDonald's and you can supervise.
It would ring alarm bells for me and I think you have taken the right avenue, I would love to hear an update and see what the school has to say. I think also that sometimes children can be very vague and there may be a very reasonable explanation, including that she has heard through other children that the cleaner is her dad etc. and not just because the child kissed him :) Also, I feel like the level of conversation sounds very intense for students of such a young age (year 1 being 6 or 7) and discussing what block of classrooms seems a bit excessive for that specific age. Usually it's very simple conversation.
Fingers crossed it is all good and nothing sinister!
Poster here:
Thanks for your reply. So it's been confirmed by the school that the grade 1 girl is the daughter of the male school cleaner. The school questioned him about the incident and he said he was unaware of it happening, he only remembers his daughter giving him a cuddle. So now I'm left feeling quite uneasy, as I feel like the conversation between my daughter and this girl was quite odd/unnatural for their age.. and if this man was in fact a creep he would not own up to what happened anyway. I feel like nothing has been resolved and I'm now questioning why the school did not question the other girl about what happened. I think I will go try and pull their heads out of the sand and make sure they investigate this in full.
Just wanted to reply to some of the things you mentioned may have happened: My daughter wasn't alone - There was a boy from her class sitting with her talking with her and a few other kids eating close by. With regards to play dates, my kids and myself often walk past this man in a walkway close to the school (he smokes there with another of the cleaners) he could always stop and ask me if he wanted to arrange a play date.. (I would politely decline anyway even before the incident, as I don't know him and his daughter is 4 years younger than my daughter, who is 8.)
I'm going to email the school about my concerns that they haven't investigated this properly, then at least it will be on record with them.
Thanks for the update! Hmm, yes it all sounds very strange. I would definitely be concerned and I am glad you are going to take it further. Something just doesn't seem to add up. I would definitely be expecting that the father and daughter have a strictly no touch policy with each other whilst on school grounds - if other students were witnessing this it could give off the sense to other students that it is okay to do this to other adults (especially if those don't know it's her father!). It could make for a VERY vulnerable situation - imagine if there was a creep there and asked for a kiss or cuddle from a student and that student thought it was okay because this girl had done it?
I know when I was in school there was an incident on the grounds where an adult exposed themselves to me and I didn't take it extremely seriously - I told a few people and my mum, but the next day the principal called me in and the police got involved VERY quickly. Within about 6 weeks they found the man and he was arrested on other charges too.
It's great that your daughter was confident enough to tell you about this situation, kudos to having such an open relationship!!!
Even creepier that he didn't have a valid explanation, I think you're doing the right thing taking it further.
That's rediculous. They wouldn't do that to a mum or grandma
No, because a mum or grandma would be dropping the child off at school. This is a father that works on the school grounds and therefore should be treated strictly as an employee by ALL students, relations or not.
Yes, I agree on you with this one. When I read your original post, my first thoughts were he either wanted to report your daughter to a teacher for misbehaviour or he was encouraging his daughter's confidence to socialise. (And it's difficult to gauge creepiness just reading a story). But that info^ what you left out of original post, would irk me too. I agree 4 years is too big of difference for a play date. It seems strange he would bother to ask. Even repeatedly. Also very interested to hear the schools reply. Or hopefully, it will spook him into staying away if he does have alternative motives.
Poster here:
I'd just like to point out that the only reason I mentioned about my daughters appearance is because I wanted to mention that I wondered if I was being paranoid because of the attention he gets from being striking. Maybe I should elaborate on the kind of attention she gets so that people understand where I'm coming from! My daughter gets approached a lot in when we go out, by all sorts who comment on her looks, mostly innocent comments, but she has also been grabbed by the arm when people have wanted to take photos of her at theme parks - mainly tourists and on more than one occasion, she has had a man on a tram grab her hand and he said your gorgeous come here and my older son broke their connection (I was holding her other hand, but wasn't watching her as I had hold of my youngest child at the time and we were about to exit the tram) He was lucky I was off the tram before I found out!, men have stared at her (including looked her up and down) and for longer than what's normally acceptable - to the point she feels uncomfortable and me and my partner want to snap some necks! It's not just me who notices these things either! Others have pointed this out to me. I'm not a complete moron who thinks only beautiful people are targeted or attacked by creeps but I'm not talking about everyone else in my post I was just talking about my daughter and what she has experienced!
Fucking disgusting isn't it!!! ?
Any comment, no matter how 'innocent' is not acceptable about her appearance. You'd almost need to dress her as a boy so she can enjoy an outing! Oh and kick anyone who dares sexualise an innocent little girl!
Re the creepy dude. Yes I'm interested to know if the school had a chat to his daughter about the conversation. See what her version of events is, but too late now, he could coach her in what to say. If he suddenly moves on then I think we have an answer...
I saw an ad once for these watches that have features that track your child's location and other great uses that may help you feel more at ease if she needed help