My child has just started year 6. He has had from year 3 at a public school and seems to have been left behind in his education.
I am beating myself up terribly thinking of all the things I have failed to do to help him be better situated in his learning. He struggles to make and keep friends, has been bullied most of last year and our concerns seem to have always been dismissed.
Tonight after a successful homework session he opened up to me. I have never seen or heard a child seem more broken that what I witnessed tonight. Guttural sobs over constant teasing, being told he is gay, likes bum sex, whenever he approaches a particular child, they yell "rape" he was told he is a cum guzzler today (these kids are 11!!!!!) He had no idea what any of these things were.
He is broken, feels so alone and unheard.
My instinct is to take him out of this school, repeat him in year 5 with a clean slate and a new bunch of kids and a more conscious focus on his education - to give him more success.
I don't know at I am asking?!
Has anyone repeated their child and had it turn out to be beneficial?
What is the flip side? How could this be bad?
Why don't schools seem to repeat kids anymore?
How do I build my child up to be more resilient? How do I send him to school tomorrow after what I have been told tonight?
To repeat -or not to repeat
To repeat -or not to repeat
Posted in:
Education
11 Replies
Oh your poor boy!
The story on why schools don't repeat anymore is that they think the kids will be emotionally damaged. However they seem to ignore the damage being behind everyone else is and struggling all of the time. Ridiculous!!
Anyway my first step would be making an appointment with your school. They had a duty of care to your child to stop bullying. Now they may not have known it was happening but tomorrow you will inform them of it. I'd be informing them you want to know what the plan is to stop it.
I'd also make an appointment with your GP so you can get a referral to a paediatrician and psychologist etc. Now is the time to ascertain if your boy has any underlying learning disorders or even developmental disorders. Some kids do fly under the radar until this age and something like Aspergers could explain difficulty making friendships.
Also ring around your local schools me see what they can offer, and will they allow your child to start in year 5 this year. A fresh school might be happy to. I think your son might be happy for a fresh start but I wouldn't discuss with him until you know it's even possible.
My sister repeated year 1. She basically did no work the entire year and her teacher believed she was severely intellectually disabled, except at home she could read and write and do everything age appropriately! She had just worked out that the teacher would accept any old crap she would hand up (seriously a dot on a piece of paper was her story lol) and that way she didn't have to do anything lol She repeated and her knew teacher (who knew our family) didn't let her pull that stunt and it was the best thing ever! She has turned out a lovely person and made a good group of friends.
If you and your son most importantly want to repeat, I would definitely change school and do it. I wanted to repeat my son in grade 2 but had no support at all from the school, and the school I was going to move him to said they'd love to have him but they don't have the funding like the public school to offer him the help he needed.
I to this very day REGRET not standing my ground and repeating him. His now in grade 8 and on an ICP at year 3 level!! I'm disappointed for him and so mad at the school for just pushing these kids trough. I was seriously considering home school but my son didn't have and bullying issues so we decided against that. I did however keep him home one day a week in year 5 for one on one of all the basic stuff his missed along the way and he did improve but sadly his yr 6 teacher didn't support that so backwards he went. Good luck with it all, do what's best for your son!
If you found him a good supportive school is there the ability to not repeat but utilise additional tutoring to bolster his learning? Then use the following year to repeat if it's still necessary? Maybe in a positive learning environment he could make up the time. I'd not have him set foot in that current school ever again. Report what has been going on to the Ed Dept.
I wouldn't be sending him, I would be going to the school tomorrow and seeing the principal. sending you hugs, your poor thing and your poor little boy. See what the school is going to do about the bullying and how they respond and make your decision from there.
I actually just moved my daughter from a public school to a small private school and it's doing wonders for her already. Is that an option for you?
What a heartbreaking story, your poor boy. So glad he opened up to you. I think the reason they don't repeat is because they prefer kids to be other kids their own age, for their emotional wellbeing. There's a stigma that goes with being a 'repeat' and he would be in with kids that are emotionally younger, so it might be hard to form meaningful friendships. Instinct tells me to move schools, but at year 6 I personally think he's at an age where including him in the decision making might give him some confidence and sense of control. Good luck xo
You don't! Send him to school that is!
Yes. My son did repeat. I also homeschooled too, when school was negatively impacting his health and happiness.
My son has autism and learning delays. We tried a few different schools, he just never really fitted (square peg, round hole scenario) so I
homeschooled for 2 years. We had a very support DE school. Anyway, HE chose when, where and how to return to school. It was long and drawn out, attending a minimal amount of time once a week, then building up from there. He repeated year 6 last year. His bday is September and I actually wanted him to start school the following year, but the school said no and just pushed him on through.
My first priority is always my kids mental health and wellbeing.
I would email the school principal (always document correspondence) to advise of your situation and ask for their support and assistance.
Go to GP, get a referral for a child psychologist or perhaps a Paediatrician, to do a full assessment of your son's abilities and functioning. If he has a learning delay or anything else, they can diagnose it and put supports in place.
If your son is too traumatized from the bullying and the negative impact attending school has on his wellbeing, get the GP to write a letter in support of your son being exempt from school, until such time as this issue is resolved. Exemption is not something they tell you about, but we did it, due to a family situation. Otherwise, it's like a medical certificate to explain any absences.
At this point in time, don't even worry about learning, school work, etc. Focus on supporting your boy's mental health and wellbeing. Take time out, avoid all negative environments. Once some healing has commenced, then formulate a plan.
Do not panic! You have not let him down! If anyone has, it's the school system that fails our kids. And those other kids sound horrid!
I learnt a great saying "you don't teach a drowning person how to swim"
Right now, you need to throw a life bouy to your son, hold him afloat, and then, once he's safe, & on dry land, you teach him to swim. This is my metaphor for teaching him resilience. It comes later, once he feels safe, supported, confident.
All the best, there's plenty of support out there, you just have to keep looking, keep asking questions, and never take no for an answer! ?
Don't send him back. If the school isn't taking you seriously then dont send him back to that environment. Homeschool him until you find a better fit.
Let the next school know about this so they can be on the watch from the start.
Also have a discussion about sexuality with him. Let him know that while those boys are just nasty there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay and you love him no matter what.
Xxoo
I'm so so sorry this has happened to your son, how truely horrible and horrific!
As dramatic as it sounds, you need to do something NOW!! This can really effect the rest of his life, counciling - actual councilor not a school based one, go on a 10 visit GP plan, his poor mental health will be majorly affected and needs professional help.
New school ASAP, do not stay at the same school, if you hold him back a year at the same school he will just further go more torment from the same group and will pass onto the new class mates!
I'm so keen on martial arts for children, it can help teach them self defense and also build them to have strong character and sting self esteem.
Also sports, group sports, footy, teaball, soccer etc. the more you get out of the school environment the better! He can have friends from different groups of people really helps build them up, rely on school is hard for friends, one day they are your best mates next day there's a crappy rumour cause they want to alfas!
Good luck and please do all you can, I feel this time is so major in a young persons life and can really set the track for how well they will cope the rest of the adult life! Xx
Change schools, consider counselling and a martial arts program for self confidence
Dont send him. Give the boya break and let him know youre on his side. This isnt something he has to just bare and youre going to stand up for him.