Hey Ladies,
I am in a newish relationship, have been for the last 6/7months. I have an 7 year old and 3 year old with my ex. Just wondering when your new partner started helping out with the kids. I begin a job tomorrow which will be 6-6 shift, both my kids are at school and I have asked him when they wake up to drop them to my mums so she can get them ready and take them to school so I'm not waking them at 5am to drop them off every morning. He is only casually employed at the moment with not much work. He thinks I'm asking too much, & he doesn't feel comfortable doing it. Am I asking too much? He is also only casually employed at the moment with not much work.
Thanks
11 Replies
He is telling you he isn't ready for that kind of responsibility. But honestly then he shouldn't be living with you if he can't handle a simple drop off.
Personally I would listen very carefully to his words. I wouldn't want to leave my kid with someone who wasn't comfortable. So I would get the kids to my mums on my own. It's a pain, but at least you know where you stand.
It could just be too soon, in which case he shouldn't be living with you if he isn't ready for that kind of commitment and responsibility or he will never be ready. How is he with your girls at other times, does he engage with them, get them snacks etc or is it all up to you?
What was the conversation/parenting expectations you discussed before moving in together? Has he back flipped on being a blended family and the responsibilities associated with that? Maybe it wasn't what he expected? It's hard to comment without knowing why you felt ready to move in together and what his thoughts were on being a step father so early on in the relationship. Also, a 3 year old is still a baby, he will need to get her ready, is he a part of parenting her?
Way too soon to be asking him to help with the kids.
I was with my OH six months before he met my kids. We've been together almost 21 months and I will only leave him with my kids for a max of half an hour. He's only ever done school drop off once and that was because one had gastro and the other didn't.
If he's telling you he's not ready to take on that responsibility listen to him. Your relationship will fail if you expect to much to soon.
We still don't live together either. As we are not ready for that nor is he ready to parent full time yet. I'm happy with where my relationship is though and know that if it was needed he would take on the responsibility I need him to have.
As a step parent I completely agree. It's not a bad thing that he's telling you he's not comfortable with it. 6-7 months isn't very long to be in the kids lives really.
I have to say yes, you're being unreasonable expecting him to do it. I get that it would be convenient for you and the kids but he's stated his feelings.
If he doesnt live there its a huge ask and not reliable anyway. not just about the kids but he would need to commit to sleeping at yours every time you have a shift just to do that hour or two in the early morning. And sleeping but waking up for kids is a really big ask for someone not experienced in doing it.
i think this level of hands on is only for once he lives there and does this level of care while youre there first.
At 6 months I think it's a little too soon, especially if he has stated he's not comfortable doing so. Can your mum come over at 5am and get them ready and take them? If not, drop them at 5am. Just make sure bed times are early :)
If he isn't living with you then it's too much to ask. I would not expect any step parent duties at 6months in.
Please listen to him. He has every right to not be ready and how awesome that he feels he can express this. Pushing him to do more than he is ready for will only damage his bonding. My partner took my kids for the first time about a year into it. He was ready and so were kids.
Step parents are under a lot of pressure to be perfect and its stressful... Let him ease into it.
Definitely not asking too much. I looked after my partners son overnight 4 four weeks into our relationship. He is a baker and worked from 9pm-6am. So I was basically only there when Stepson was sleeping, but I was still there and I wanted to help my partner.
I think if he is living with you then yes he should be helping with your children. All you are asking of him is to drop them off at your mums, not get them ready and drop them at school.
I've been with my partner for 10 months. We both have children but neither of us have met each other's children yet and probably won't until we hit the 1 year. We have not even spoken about moving in together and won't be in the near future. I do think that is asking too much. I wouldn't even introduce my children to a man in that time nor have him move in.
I do think it is a little too much to ask and a bit premature. Listen to what he says and make alternative arrangements. A 3 year old is still very much a toddler and that's a lot to ask of someone.
I'm a little concerned about the way you've worded this.. 'when your new partner started helping out with the kids'
I can't help but to think you're in the relationship just so someone can 'help' you.
Yes you and your children are a package so to speak, but you've stated you're in a 'newish' relationship - 6 months is VERY new.. a 6 month relationship with out kids and I still wouldn't call him a 'partner' - more like a new boyfriend... let alone with kids!
Back up the bus a little, if he isn't ready.. so be it. Listen to him.. don't force this on him. Did you accept this new job because you assumed he would help?
You may need to rethink this new role.. don't force something he isn't comfortable with. You don't want to be FORCING this on to someone so QUICKLY.. it won't end well.