Hello sisters. Ive been really depressed as I'll ever be. Long story hope u can bear with me.
hubby and I got married 6 years ago when i fell pregnant. We brought a house together and he let his mum live with us, i was young and naive so I agreed to it. Now I really hate my mother in law with a passion. I don't feel like home when she's living with us, it's because shes very old fashioned, she thinks because shes the oldest she can control all of us, she's always blabbing on how to raise my kids, theres times when she accused me of being a thief, so it got so bad that on my days off work i stay at my mums place for the day just to avoid mother in law and only come home when hubby comes home from work. I really want my mother in law to move out, shes got 2 other kids why couldn't she move out to live with them. only problem is she wont move as she still stands her ground and hubby wants her to still stay with us even if i said i will move out myself. is it a difficult decision to make him choose between his mum and me? I mean me and hubby are a family now. also Hubby doesn't get along with his mum either it's so awkward in the house. Sorry i feel like this is more of a vent then a question. I just feel so depressed. i wanna feel like im living in a home like a family and it doesn't happen when i live with my mil.
mother in law problems
mother in law problems
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
4 Replies
Honestly I'd move out with the kids! Unless your mother in law is unwell then there is no reason for her to have to live with anyone.
If you can't be at home in your own house it isn't your home. Hubby has made it clear his mother comes way before you do, which is just unbacceptable.
When you get married any man knows that his wife and kids come first.
Wow all I can say is that you sound like a saint. I wouldn't last 2 weeks with my mother in law living with me!
You're not asking him to cut his mother out of his life, you're simply asking to live as a family unit, in your own home. Explain that if the situation doesn't change soon, it will be detrimental to all relationships concerned.
What about just getting a month off for now, will she go and stay at one of his siblings' homes to give you respite so you can work on your marriage, together, in private?
In the meantime, stand up to any of her crap!
Have you really really explained how you feel to your husband rather then just giving him the ultimatum me or her ? Was that said in an
Argument or in a heartfelt I don't know what else to do ? His reaction sounds more like a knee jerk one of 'what do u want me to do ?' Maybe he feels stuck too ?
I'd suggest you sit down with ur hubby and tell him you love him and want to improve your relationship , make your family stronger and you don't feel that with his mum around that will work. That your seriously thinking of leaving because you don't know what else to do....
ask
Him if there is anyway you can make a plan to start moving her out .... can you look at her going to a retirement village (where it's independent living but still assisted ) , can you organize a meeting with the rest of the family and include her and tell them all that you and your husband feel you need a break and would like to come up with a plan , ask them if anyone else can help out ....
is there anyway any of
You can fit a granny flat on ur properties ? Or have a garage that can be converted? Is there a way to give her her own section of space somewhere ?
Try and brain storm WITH your husband some ideas about how it can be better managed !! Involve him
In the process and he won't feel like your attacking him. If he's feeling stuck it's because he doesn't feel like there are any other options for her and where is he going to send her? To the street? And that will put him on the defense! Approach it carefully and you might get somewhere .
Good luck!! It's a complex situation! Xo