My 4 year old son wont poo in the toilet....he will pee in toilet perfectly fine and he sits down to pee, so i know its not the toilet itself that hes scared of and he has been pee trained since he was 3. Im at my wits end. He has never had an accident, he just will hold onto it until hes in a pull up for bedtime or ask for a pull up to be put on....ive tried just not putting him in a pull up on him and still he had no accidents but he just continued to hold onto his poo. Ive tried sticker charts, other reward charts, tried turning it into a game (whoever in the house does the most poos in the toilet gets a prize), tried the whole ur a big boy now speech, bribery with his favourite toys/food, making him just sit on the toilet....and nothing....he just simply wont poo in the toilet...all i keep getting told is he will go when hes ready, but he will be 5 this year and he really needs to be using the toilet, any advice or tips would be appreciated, cause ive tried everything i can think of and this mumma is over changing dirty bums
6 Replies
Ok I've literally just been through this with my four year old. Same thing, will wee on the toilet no problem at all, and hasn't worn a nappy to bed since she was just turning 3.
First suggestion is ditching the pull up. Unless it's soaking wet with wee each morning you don't need it anymore. He will wake up (usually) if he wets the bed. Leave the light on and door open and encourage him to go before bed etc.
As for the poo. We took our daughter to the doctor for advice because she starts Kindy next week and I was stressing that she would continue to poo herself at school. The doctor has her on 2 x movicol sachets a day, mixed with water and cordial to make it taste better (buy the flavour free ones). You get them from any chemist. We give her one at breakfast and one in the afternoon. It's a stool softener. His theory was that she's so constipated that she can't actually feel the difference between needing to poo and no needling to. As well as the Movicol, we've gone back to potty training 101. We ask her to go sit on the toilet after each meal and regularly during the day. I give her an iPad or phone to play videos to keep her sitting still. In the two weeks since we started this she's only have maybe 5 accidents, when before it was two A DAY.
Thanks for your advice :) ive already taken him to two different doctors and hes been on a few different things to make it softer and easier to come out...unfortunately it never worked with my boy, it just made him really sick cause he was straining that heavily to hold it in....no matter how long or how often i sat him on the toilet, no words of encouragement or bribery was going to make him go....this happened for a duration of like 6 months, just yoy yoying back to the doctor/chemist, and getting no where....hes just that determined to not poo in the toilet, literally nothing seems to be working....he will happily hold it in until he ends up in hospital before he would poo in the toilet
He could just not be in the right position to poo, he could be fine with peeing on the toilet just not pooping and by forcing the issue you're gonna traumatise him. My son was like this. However he has Autism. He was wee trained by 5.5 and poo trained by 6 and 1/4. He was only allowed the pull ups at home and would use the toilet at school, we found this out after he drank to much chlorinated water. So in the end I sat there in the toilet with him, with my 18month old walking around and me watching and waiting for him to poop. He pleaded and begged me to let him use a pull up but I'd had enough, first night it took 45 mins of us both sitting in the toilet and me making him sit down again and again until eventually he couldn't hold it any longer and he didn't want to poo in his jocks so he used the toilet. The next day it took 15 he was still asking for the pull up and the day after that it took 5 mins, day after that he was taking himself. It just takes lots of perserverence and plenty of supervision. It will happen when he's ready just don't force it, I know it's crappy to have to change a little kids bum, but also remember when your old and grey and you need someone to change your arse you can tell your son it's his turn to take one for the team ? That's what Ive kept telling myself over the years.
You could try the pull up in the toilet/bathroom method.
You basically say he can have a pull up when he needs to poo, but he had to wear it in the bathroom/toilet. Some kids have to be further away from the toilet itself to be comfortable as they get the idea over a period of time the rule changes, so the child is closer and closer to the toilet.,
You then start expecting the child to sit on the toilet while wearing the nappy to poop. Some kids need to stand on seat or lid first. Then move to sitting.
Once they can sit and poop while wearing a nappy/pull-up you then start cutting a hole in the pull-ups for the poop to fall through! Once they get a couple of poops you usually can get rid of pull-ups.
It's not a fast process but I've seen it work plenty of times and have used it myself.
Does he squat to poop in the pull up? If so, get one of those step things so he can sit in the same position. Aside from that, I'm sorry but it'll happen when it happens. Try not to stress. It won't be forever. My boys were over 5 and then they had us wiping for them until they went to school. Maybe start school closer to 6 if you can. Much better, especially when they hit high school
I could have written this only 6 months ago. God, did we try everything and anything to get him to poo on the toilet. Same age as yours too. In the end, I did the best thing ever. I gave up. Instead, each time he did a poo in his night nappy, I would tell him "when your ready, you can do your poos on the toilet" that's it. Well, what do you know, about a mo th into this giving up phase, he was screaming out to me and his father, we both jumped immediately, scared for his safety! It was a scary scream lol.. but nope, nothing to worry about, he was just crazy excited sitting on the toilet doing a poo!! I showered him with praise, and chocolate (don't judge lol) and said to him, if your ready now, you can always use the toilet for your poos. And ever since, like clockwork too, each day he goes to the toilet. Children really are honestly ready when THEY are ready xx