Hi girls! I am new to the page so hopefully doing things right!
Although I have been separated for 8 years, I have never had a formal child support arrangement with my ex, I earn more than him so I have just accepted that its easier for me to pay for (almost) everything to save arguments! However, things have escalated, and now our income is equal, and I can't go on covering all his costs as well as mine.
I pay private school fees for our children, because he both can't afford it and doesn't see any value in it. But he is now refusing to pay for half books and uniforms either (just flat out says "sorry, can't afford it, you will have to").
My question is, aside from a formal maintenance agreement (which I think neither of us want at this stage) is there any avenue for making him pay half books and uniforms etc? School fees, and the majority of everything else I have accepted I will have to be responsible for, but I'm putting my foot down on these basics as it is more than reasonable he pay half those expenses.
Child Maintenance - Extras
Child Maintenance - Extras
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
13 Replies
If you chose private school, i dont think it is reasonable. Public school does still come with costs, equivalent to that amount is what i think is reasonable.
maybe its time to start claiming child support.
Thanks, but I don't want him to pay any school fees, Im paying that 100%
The books list at private school is actually cheaper than the public school because more is covered under the fees I'm paying.
How to get half the kids costs enforced it my question (either way, child support is for living expenses not costs like this).
Unfortunately you don't have a leg to stand on if you live in Australia. Go to the child support webpage and do a calculation based on both your incomes based on the amount of care you both have and your incomes. That will give you an amount that one of you would be expected to pay in a formal agreement. Go with that, or get a proper Child support case started.
Private school is considered a luxury and you can't force someone to pay for that. Uniforms in private school are more than likely more expensive than public school ones etc too, so again that's on you.
Depending on the custody split when you earnt more and if you had equal time, then you might have actually owed Dad money.
You just don't have a leg to stand on getting him to pay half of everything.
Time to get child support sorted formally. It will based on both your incomes and care percentages. That way you'll have a budget to work within. He won't be able to say I can't afford a particular thing.
Thanks, yes it does sound like the child support system still has a lot of holes in it. Currently we probably earn the same, and I have the kids more than half the time.
I'm just trying to find a fair simple way of splitting the kids expenses (aside from all their living expenses and schooling which I currently pay) without dragging it through courts and child maintenance. He WOULD probably have to pay me a few dollars if I applied but then I have to deal with a bitter and twisted sulky man for the next 10 years!
It doesn't go through court in Australia. Child support is never ever is set in court, hadn't been for over 20 years. The point is you can't enforce the stuff you want legally. Everything goes through the child support agency and they tell you what we are.
Thanks, no I mean courts to decide custody which would lead to formal maintenance. Its such a shame that so many dads can't just do the right thing regarding expenses. For the first time ever I can see why so many mums withhold access, if dads refuse to support their kids they probably can't expect to have much involvement in their lives.
You don't need formal custody arrangements to do that. And how much a parent does or doesn't pay should have no bearing on wether they get to see there kids or not.
You don't even need to go to court to get a formal custody agreement. It can be done in mediation for a few hundred dollars. Doesn't even need to be signed off on by the courts unless you think one of the parents are in danger of with holding the children. You don't need a formal agreement to claim child support. I repeat the courts will not get involved in 'maintenance' or child supports, it's all done through the child support agency and worked out on a formula of incomes and percentage of care. They won't take into account either parents expenses, nor will the courts (because they don't get involved in financial matters anymore, and haven't done for over 20 years).
That's one of the beauties about the Australian system. If you were out of work and could only pay $5 a week you won't be penalised from having a relationship with your kids!
Are you in Australia? You really have little understanding of the system. Call child support, give them your details (income, amount of time in your care, age of child), they will then call dad, verify care arrangements, get his income and then they will tell you both how much to pay, it's that simple. No courts!!! If he chooses not to pay, they can garnish his wages and he can accumulate a debt.
Formal custody agreement nope don't have one of those, child support payments I get those. If private schooling was your choice then you cannot expect him to pay it because you want him to. If it was your choice it's your cost. Same as books and uniform. He only has to cover an amount that covers their living costs. It depends on what you both earn and how much access you both have etc. call up child support or you can even do it online. They'll call you and then they'll call him. They'll contact you both on how much you have to either pay him or him pay you. My kids are all going through the public school system and their book lists cost about a 1/3 of what our local private school charges. Fees are a lot less to and so are the uniforms. Sucks but until you have a formal childsupport arrangement in place you won't be eleigible for anything other than what you already get.
We get partners son every second weekend and half the school holidays.
My partner pays child support and half of sports, school camps and pays for either school books or uniforms. He also buys school shoes as needed through the year.
Partners ex decided to send Stepson to private school for his high school years. Partner is not paying for half the school fees as he did not have any say or discussion about it with her. Payment was just expected and we cannot afford to pay them.
In says that my Partner is expected to drive 6 hours every fortnight to collect and drop home stepson. She never offers to drive not even halfway and always says No when ask to.
He sounds like a good dad. :)
If your not willing to go through the child support agency then you have two options:
1. Apply for mediation to come to an agreement. You can do this privately with a lawyer, but it will cost a few thousand, or you can ring relationships Australia, legal aid or even your local community family care service may be able to point you in the right direction.
You and your ex will meet with a mediator and you will doscuss the issue and come to an agreement and an arrangement which will be put into a parenting plan.
2. Accept he won't contribute any more than he does, avoid the conflict and continue on (dont let it effect the kids and their time with dad). Its not right he won't contribute to those things, in my opinion. But if he recons he can't afford it, there isn't much you can do. I have an ex who paid $20 a week for 3 out of 8 years of our son's life. Haven't seen any money in three years. My husband took on the financial responsibility without question but also gets frustrated because he can't understand why a parent wouldn't want to provide for their child.
Just go through child support..saves all of the bullshit! Trust me!