I am about 5 weeks pregnant, the pregnany is unplanned I already have 3 children ages 10, 7 & 5, with my 5 yo starting school in a couple of weeks. I am 32 and my husband is 41. We had decided that we were finished having children. I am having a hard time making a decision about whether or not to go ahead with the pregnancy, there will be such a huge age gap between this baby and my other children and I am worried I will struggle to cope with another child. On the other hand I am worried about how I would cope with an abortion, I feel sick at the thought. I know my husband will support my decision but I think he feels like he is too old for another baby. I also had a vaginal repair 12 months after my last pregnancy because of severe trauma during my children's births so this means i will need a cesarean. I am angry at myself and my husband for not being careful (he has been putting off a vasectomy for 5 years as I am unable to use hormonal contraception for medical reasons) Is there anyone out there who has had a similar situation?
unplanned pregnancy with 3 older children.
unplanned pregnancy with 3 older children.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Pregnancy
6 Replies
Don't have an abortion, it's not for you. Nobody should have a procedure that eats them up inside. And I'm pro-abortion.
Honestly none of what you describe sounds that problematic. 3 kids will be mostly in school. A planned c-section has quite good recovery times compared to traumatic births.
I say start looking forward to a new little person.
I have 3 kids 9,7,3 I decided to have an abortion and regret it everyday. I would give yourself some time to really think about it. As I rushed in and had it done at 5 weeks.
I was in a similar position 2 yrs ago. The day i found out i was pregnant was the day my middle child was graduating primary school. Both my husband and I were shocked. We had both given up on the idea of having more kids and both were really happy of where we were at in our lives both personally and professionally I made the rash decision that we were going to keep the baby but i never fully got on board/excited/comfortable with the idea. Other family members were and i had to pretend i was excited whilst my head was screaming "ooohhh fck ooooh shit wft have you done" When she was born i still wasnt happy. I had developed post natal and the physiatrist also diagnosed me with having pre natal depression as well. My daughter is 17 months old now and can not imagine life without her. Her older sisters adore her and she adores them. Whatever you decide you and your husband need to be 110% comfortable and happy with your decision and completely on board with it.
Obviously no one can make this decision but you and your husband...
But I was in a similiar position last year. Hubby works away and I was so sick with the pregnancy (wasnt sick with my other children).
I decided to have an abortion. Ive never had one before, and never thought I could or would do it.
I felt terrible for months afterwards, so guity...lots of tears.
I would recommend sitting down together and discussing what's best for your whole family. Maybe even with a counsellor x
I found my self in a similar situation last year. I just had my 4th baby via csection because she was breach (1st csection) in march 2016. I have PCOS so had to take fertility drugs for my last two babies. We had decided we were done and I got the script for implanon but had t had a chance to get it yet. We slept together once and I got pregnant, I hadn't even had a period yet. I was so shocked. They were going to be 12m apart. My other kids are nearly 4, 8 & 9. I was so overwhelmed but I knew I couldn't go threw with an abortion. It took me about 2 months to come to terms that we were going to have 5 kids and then I started to get happy about it. I went for my 12w scan and there was no heartbeat baby measured 11w. I felt so guilty that at the start I didn't want another baby. Now all I want is to be pregnant again. We have decided to try for another. I am 30 husband us nearly 44.
I just think that you have a lot of time to get use to having another baby and from experience with 4 kids your older ones help out a bit more plus you will have 3 in full time school so you will have a lot of one on one time with the baby. Just think it was ment to be ? Also I had a bad recovery from the csection it ended up with a infection and I hated the whole procedure but I would still do it again if I had to.
I have a 13,11 & 9 yo and also a 18m old. I was a little worried about how they would cope with a new baby, but they have been absolutely amazing and they are all smitten, over the moon in love with him. I have also really enjoyed babyhood this time, I'm and old hand at it now, much more relaxed and the older kids help out by simply playing with the smallest so I can go to the toilet alone or have a shower, its helped hugely with my sanity!
You never regret the child you have, but you may regret not having it... goodluck with your decision x