So my partner and I have been together for almost 9 years. When we got together I had a 1 year old son from previous relationship. They bonded well so I knew this guy was the one for me. Anyway the last 3 years have been a roller coaster ride of big arguements and fights. We are currently taking a break as I just had enough of his temper and verbal abuse. So recently I had a chat to him about how he treats my son. And he comes out saying the reason it hasnt been working out is he has lost his patience with my son and he ends up taking it out on me. Now my son has always been a big softy but in the last 4 years he has been very defiant, doesnt listen and doesnt learn from his mistakes. And at the same time my ex has been trying to toughen him up for the real world. But he just not that kid. Anyway recently me and the ex had a chat because he wants to give our relationship another chance but his honest answer was my son turns him to someone he doesnt want to be. So he suggested that he can maybe stay with his father for a while so we have time to reknew our relationship. Now my son has been in my care since he was 4 months old and has only seen his dad a few times. But we live so far apart now that I cant send my son on a regular basis like school holidays. Anyway I know alot of mums who start new relationships let the dads raise their kid if it's a boy because they need that bond with their biological father. But I dont know if I can do it. His behaviour at home is not changing its doing my head in too but he is my son I don't want to give up on him or pawn him off to his father now after 9 years. I want to do whats best for my son. I know he needs his father in his life but I dont want him to be permanently be away. And hiw do I know by doing this that mine and my ex's relationship will work.
How to deal with a relationship with kids from previous relationship?
How to deal with a relationship with kids from previous relationship?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Kids
5 Replies
No man is worth giving up your child.... there is no excuse for abuse of any kind. If you are already on a break I'd be cutting contact with the ex at least temporarily and focusing on your getting your son where he needs to be. Sending him to dads shouldn't be an option - especially given he's only seen him a few times. You need to clear your mind and don't allow yourself to be pressured. Good luck
Hell no! The minute a guy suggests your kid lives somewhere else the rekationship is done!
Sorry but that's not ok. You can't send your kid to live with a dad he barely knows. If your son is having some behaviour problems kick the guy to the curb permanently and get some behaviour support from professionals.
If your son and his dad were asking for more time together then great get them to spend more time together. But you don't ship him off to a dad he has barely seen just so you can work things out with a guy who doesn't like your son.
Tell the guy to go screw himself.
If being a dad turns him into something he doesn't want to be, he needs to be with someone that doesn't have kids. There is nothing in this world I would choose over my son.
I don't know what mothers you are referring to, but I am a single mum with a 9 year old boy and there would be NO relationship scenario where I would send my son to live with his father and he sees him regularly. Just want to put it out there that this is not a normal thing to do. Good luck on what you decide.
I would really have a hard long think about what you are contemplating. Imagine how your son will feel, immediately and down the track. Also what sort of man asks you to do this?? All families go through hard times, it's the strong ones that stop, think and try to make it work. Any possibility of getting outside help??? Positive parenting courses or seminars?? May help all involved.