IM's Help ME!
I have a beautiful little boy who is 9 months. I am a SAHM currently and even though I love it the last 2 months have been pushing my limits.
He is constantly on me, under my feet, hanging off my leg - SCREAMING AT ME. He screams until he hyperventilates, until he is almost purple. I pick him up and it stops. Spend time with him, play with him on the floor, read books, sing songs but it is never ending. He can't be without my attention for 2 minutes. I can't even go to the toilet, have a cup of coffee, eat some food, until my husband is home. I am at my wits end - I love my son but this constant screaming fits are pushing me beyond my limits. I am constantly frustrated and irritated. I yell more than I ever thought I would, I cry a lot of the time too. I have tried letting him cry at my feet, but it's endless - he cried for over an hour hanging off my leg until I gave in.
He is very active, almost walking, crawls very quickly, climbs everything - has no problems playing with toys/ being happy as long as I am next to him. I am with him from 6am - 5pm alone everyday - Monday - Sunday. I am the only one who gets up every night, sometimes 11 times a night because he doesn't sleep through at all.
Mums what am I doing wrong? Help! This is affecting my marriage because everyday when hubby comes home I am almost in a fit of rage because of how frustrated I am. I often imagine flying of the handle and screaming and throwing things, I imagine running away, I wonder if I stay in bed forever if my hubby would actually pick up the slack. I wonder what would happen in I took sleeping tablets and slept for a week.
Please help me.
10 Replies
Im not sure if it will be your whole answer, but wear him. Get a sling or a carrier and put him on you he will sit there and love it and youll get your sanity back.
Also, you need a break! Join a gym, get family or a sitter for a few hours.
And tell your husband youre not coping when he gets a day off you sleep one night a week, get a break to be by yourself and also go and do family things together -him parenting too so you can relax and enjpy too.
its really important to have a balane and to have something to look forward to and knoe whrn your next break is, even if its just an hour bubblebath without disruption.
First of all - nothing is wrong and you're doing nothing wrong. Your bub (as frustrating as it is) is at the peak of separation anxiety and it is completely developmentally appropriate. Babies figure out at this age that you can put them down and actually walk away and it scares the absolute bejeebus out of them - instinctively they know they need you to survive and don't know that you aren't just going to walk away and leave them forever. Add to that the fact that it sounds like he's also going through massive development leaps at the moment, if he's almost walking and stuff his brain is changing rapidly and that can be pretty rough time for little ones. If you need to do something, tell him. "I'm just going to the kitchen, I'll be right back!" You can quickly go and do what needs doing, reassuring all the time that you're right there and you'll be back in a minute. Do you have any support? Someone who can come over or you can go and meet up with who can give you some grown-up talk and a sympathetic ear? Might need to be someone who can help calm him and you. Perhaps someone to come over and be with him while you go out and have a little break for an hour? It's so exhausting when it's mainly you and it will benefit you both - you can decompress and he can see that others are able to look after him too.
And above all else, remember that this too shall pass. Soon enough it will be a distant memory!
Yes it can be normal for his age...but you can't go on like this..please ask for help..daycare is great for helping with separation anxiety and give you a much needed break! ...but be aware it will more than likely make him clingy when he gets home..but still worth it...you also need to get out and about with other mum's..join a playgroup..my kids loved it...do some sleep training..it worked for mine..it's hard in the beginning and you need to know their limits but sleep was important to my sanity..good luck mamma! Some babies are harder than others for no apparent reason...but if all else fails..talk to a pediatrician.
I know it is hard but you need a change in your attitude towards his behaviour . All he needs is you , your love and your attention . It will pass , he will grow out of it , trust me is only when they are babies they want mommy and love and snuggles , they will soon want to play with friends and you will want them around you but they will care about anything else . I have 2 boys , with my first I was just like you frustrated and just wanted to end but than in time I learned that is not that bad if whenever they cry and they want us , you stop from whatever you are doing and give yourself to him for as much as needed , just think he needs you he only knows you , he only wants you and you can be there for him . I know sometimes is not possible because there are important things to be done and that is ok , is understandable , stay calm and distract him with something he likes , get out a toy he hasn't seen in a while , a snack whatever works to keep him busy while you finish what you need to do and than get to him and spend the time he needed . Is getting better if you think that every cry , every tantrum every need is loving you and that you is all he needs. Don't forget distraction works well most of the time when you need it and another advice is start leaving the room just a few minutes at the time and increase the time of him playing alone as needed .
Have you considered putting him in day care for a day or two a week?
Go to a sleep clinic, they will get the majority of this sorted. Once you are both sleeping better the rest will be much easier.
Imma be a "that" Mum and say, get you bloody sanity back!! Every thought of putting him in childcare once or twice a week? Even for a few hours?? Honestly having interaction with other children has been the best thing for my children they've learnt so many things that you can't teach them being home alone with them... there is absolutely nothing wrong with you your a good Mum but sometimes mums need there own time to, to reboot and get your self ready to face the challenges of being a parent which mind you is bloody hard work!!
You create what is normal, so to change any behaviours take consistency and big effort. Get a family or friend to mind him and say good bye and walk out and go and run errans ect. Put him somewhere safe and go to toilet ect. Do vacuuming, it will change but remember you created this as normal. I cant carry our bub due to back injury, so i put bub in safe position and do what i need to. You will have to move through the crying it to get positive results. Of course they will cry, your changing what has always happened. .
You create what is normal, so if this has been normal for him, of course he will cry as your changing the only things he has known. It will take consistently and effort to change his behaviour/habits. Put him in safe position and go about your chores. I dont always agree with baby wearing as unfortunately many women due to illness/treatment/injuries simply can not physically carry a child all day long in carriers. Talk to your bubs while doing chores so they can hear you and explain what your doing and why your changing his normal. You have created this, so to change it will be difficult for him and its natural to cry as he knows he will get picked up. Get someone to look after him and go out. Make changes little by little. Its ok for a child to cry, its apart of development.