Hi Mummies
So back story - I've found the love of my life. He comes with a 14 year old daughter. I adore her. He's been a single dad a long time - 12 years to be exact. She's kinda been spoilt, which is being nipped in the butt. She's great with my daughter - who's 7. She's polite, caring and all the rest of it. So there are no issues.
As a mother, I try to be very internet concous - especially with the 7 year old.
I've notice the 14 year old just does whatever she wants with her iPad and iPhone
Apps
Texts
Calls
I noticed her on a app called yellow - which helps get friends on snap chat
I don't think that's appropriate.
Her dad and I will be talking to her about it.
Anyways the main thing is, I need some advise. How do we keep an eye on online stuff.
How do we make it seem like we aren't over the top
I'm tempted to take it off her for good until she's older.
Please no judgement. I just want some help!! Thankyou :)
5 Replies
No, you can't take it off of her. She is 14 and it will back fire immensely! Dad needs to take the lead in handling this, he needs to speak to his daughter, and he needs to set the rules. You just need to back him up on this, like you would if you were her auntie or uncle. Coming in hardcore with a 14 year old who is relatively new to your life doesn't work, it will just turn you into the typical evil step mother with the 'new regime' ruining her life.
There are loads of ways for her dad to protect her online without jumping to removing the technology (especially when there has been no rules in place previously). Rules we have for devices in this house, is devices go on charge in the loungeroom at bedtime. I know ALL passwords and do random check apps (much less now, than I did when we started as trust has been earned), no devices at the dinner table, that's when we talk, ive spent a lot of time talking about Internet safety, just like you learn about road safety and stranger danger. Eg only add people you know, don't send nude pictures, what could be the consequences, what to do if someone is bullying you online. Educate, Educate, Educate. Also making sure her self esteem is HIGH is hugely protective.
This all needs to come from Dad, as the biological parent he has far more sway and importance than you do, when you come into a teenagers life it's much, much harder and not as appropriate to take on the heavy duty parenting and it usually backfires.
Just to add the rule about devices in loungeroom will be relaxed over time as child ages etc
Theirs programs you can buy that watches sites passwords ect itcan be used on alot of different divices so one program should poss do all devices in the house. But pls remember this girl is not 7 shes 14 a teenager most teens have social media ect.
Poster here...
Just want to add - I don't want to be the one to tell her what to do.. it's for her dad
I just want tips he can use to tell her
And what sort of talk needs to be had with her.
I also need to point out her dad is week on week off
So now we have a blended family - she is with me even when he's at work.
Prior to this - she spent the week at her Grans house.
I just worry about internet safety and using apps that allow you to two to randoms you never met. Yellow almost seems like tinder for teenagers.
So that really worries me. Just like any site like that - anyone could pretend to me a 15yr old boy or girl that is within 50kms
I get facebook, Insta, twitter etc etc... but I just worry that she'd download and use an app like that without asking anyone first
Thanks again ladies
Here's a link regarding the app
http://blog.rakkoon.com/what-is-yellow/
I tried to post this morning but stuffed it. Watch this with dad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsbYHI-rZOE
I watched it yesterday and OMG, I don't have a daughter and it terrified me!
The dangers are real and dad has to face up to them. Discuss with him, parental locks on devices, using them in communal areas only with some supervision and her need to be able to identify and comfortably report to either of you anything that may be a threat - ie someone contacting her that she doesn't know, especially if they're asking for pictures, personal details or to meet.
There's also the potential for bullying but the same applies there too. Teach her to be smart and not share any personal details, I cringe when I see kids' photos up on FB in their school uniform! Encourage her to be kind and thoughtful, to not tolerate disrespect and to not dole it out.
In this day and age taking technology away is crazy, as much as we hate it technology is here to stay and I think it's a disadvantage to kids to not use it to its full potential. All we can do is arm our kids with the knowledge to use it well, the skills to identify risks and the comfort of knowing that we're there to help without judgement or punishment.
Once you've gone over it with dad, he can then discuss it with her.
Snap chat is popular and kids love it, just like all the other social media outlets. Within their own circle it's a great tool to keep in touch, what you want is if someone contacts her and she doesn't know them, for her to come to either one of you and say "hey, I don't know this person, I told them to go away and they won't".