I don't have a parenting orders in place things weren't great but it was working for the kids now I'm not so sure.
I stopped talking to him face to face after he moved his gf in and continued sending me texts about how heart broken he was and saying he needed me back. It turned my stomach literally I felt sick knowing he was behaving this way. I don't hate him he just isn't important to anymore.
But what concerns me more is how my children feel about him and his gf of four years (we've been split for three). And her kids I try not to read to much into it but it's been getting harder over the years. First I didn't meet gf till last year and I had to introduce myself. I'm not aloud to drop them until he's home which I find very strange our eldest who is an adult has keys for his house and goes with younger ones every second weekend youngest are over ten.
Gf is there by 5:30 but more concerning is that my kids are expressing the fact that they really are over her and her kids behavior. To make it worse they have just put it all together (they have been together for four years), they did the math. I don't have happy campers at all. My answer to them was their dad loved them I didn't comment on the rest I don't bad mouth him at all.
But now they've said if she keeps yelling and getting in there faces they'll demand to be brought back home to me and if he refuses they will call me. They say they are not being heard which is not surprising to me at all as I'm constantly told by them you listen to us talk things out and explain the decisions you make if we ask why he doesn't.
How do I get our point across without him thinking that I'm trying to get back at him because I'm not. All he does is pick at me I try to keep phone calls to him minimum and communicate with text. And I'm very careful about how I word them so they don't come across as I'm having a go at him. But that still doesn't work I'm ripping his head off.
I'm so torn
4 Replies
How old are your kids?
From experience these guys never take it the right way, and so whatever you say will be seen as an attack.
The kids sound old enough to decide where they want to be. Personally I'd seek legal advice to cover your arse from a women's legal service.
Let them choose. Pick them up and bring them home.
my child is much younger but if she doesnt want to go we dont force her. We give her time, fortunately her dad works on it and they keep trying, so that shes happy too.
You've spent 4 years trying to help them have a relationship with their dad, you sound awesome, even under the terrible circumstances. They are over ten, they are old enough to decide if they want to go and old enough to call you if they want to come home. Don't feel guilty, if their place was a loving, peaceful one and their father was an engaging, participating parent, you wouldn't have these issues! I have an even younger child and I leave it up to him if he wants to go or not.
Legal action may be the way to go. Let your kid's have a formal say on where they want to be. Either way, he will think it's all your fault, if he can't see the way she treats them, he obviously defends her over the kids, so let him be weak and blame you. At least you know your doing right by your kids.