I am in a bit of a pickle and was wondering if anyone had any advice for me? I am a single mum of 2 children. There dad left and got married to another woman when I was 5 weeks pregnant with our second child. It wasn't a good relationship anyway so I was pleased with the escape. His wife doesn't like me and prevents him from talking to me. He still does call when she isn't home and I always answer and let him talk to the kids as I feel having a relationship with there father is very important. My question is though am I doing the right thing or am I causing more damage to the children by letting them talk to him? I'm really confused and honestly only want what is best for the kids. He has never paid child support and I don't ask for it because I'm afraid I will scare him away.
Do I allow my children access to there father or will that cause more trauma in the long run?
Monday, 2 January 2017 - 15:38
Do I allow my children access to there father or will that cause more trauma in the long run?
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
5 Replies
You can't stop him having access to his children. He would have to be an extremely nasty, dangerous man to stop any contact.
If the kids are enjoying the phone calls then let them continue.
If financially supporting his kids drives him away, then what kind of father is he anyway? Go through child support, don't discuss it with him at all, they will call him and organise it. In terms of the phone calls, I would have a heart to heart to him about what his intentions with his children actually are, does he plan on being an active parent? His priorities are obviously all wrong if he chooses a woman over his own flesh and blood, find out where his head is at before you stop the calls. Being flaky and in and out can damage kids, but he obviously wants a part of their lives if he is ringing, time to lay it all out on the line and then decide.
You are not the one stopping access if all he is willing to do is a measley secret phone call. You are well within your rights to refuse that. And if HE chooses not to actually parent that is on him and only him. Do not be guilted into being treated like shit and allowing your son to be.
Its honestly not worth it Sam, and I dont know how you've put up with it for so long. If he loved those kids, they would be his priority, NOT the useless wife that he married for citizenship. He shouldnt have to sneak phone calls, thats ridiculous. What kind of person does not allow her husband to have a relationship with his kids!? And what kind of man doesn't want to help pay for them!?
Im usually all for fathers rights but I know this one, and if I were you I would have turned my back a long time ago or at least given him an ultimatum. It will damage them in the long run. Just be cautious of the family and worry about yourself and those beautiful babies, Sweet x
Thanks Danielle❤