In a nut shell I suck at being a Mum. We tried for 7 years to get pregnant it was all I could focus on and now 2 kids later I'm failing at it. I had bad post natal depression with both pregnancies and depression through most of my second pregnancy. My son (1) is calm and sleeps through the night always has. He is a breeze but my daughter (4) has always been full on / hyper (I used to cry every night) we had troubles with her sleeping through. She went through a stage where I couldn't be out of her sight or she would scream. At the age of 2 the terrible behaviour started so screaming, kicking and punching me and this naughty behaviour has only gotten worse. She no longer hits or kicks me which is fantastic instead she just screams the house down or throws stuff. Imagine a child hyped up on caffeine that can't sit still and doesn't stop talking this is my day constantly. I have tried to be calm and carefree and she walked all over me so now i'm the strict routine Sargent and you guessed it I get no where. I feel like I'm stuck in a no win situation. I have never really been a angry person but the last 18 months I have lost it on multiple occasions.
Now my husband (married 14 years) is a whole another story. He has always been a hard worker and good provider but the last few years he throws it in my face that I haven't worked like he has and I'm lazy, because being pregnant and pushing a baby out of my vagina was just super easy! Its like he is stuck in the old days he thinks a man goes to work and a woman stays home and looks after kids but then makes me feel worthless because I don't work and I can't have a sh*t day because I don't work. My daughters behaviour issues are my fault because I raised her and can only blame myself. I try to speak to him about her behaviour and all I get is "I don't know" "yeah maybe". It doesn't matter how many times I say I need time to myself I don't get it. I tried to go see 1 movie 5 different times and each time he had plenty of notice but at the last minute said I couldn't go as he was to tired to watch the kids.He stopped working recently to study for a trade I have fully supported him like always and silly me thought with him being home twice as much that he would help out around the house and with the kids well nope that didn't happen at all. Instead of helping me he sits back and criticises me all the time. I have told him multiple times that I'm not happy and he simply tells me to leave but not to even consider taking his kids away from him. He takes no responsibility for how things are I'm the one with the problem so I have to fix it he wont do anything.
I told a couple of people that I was considering leaving him and they all said I should stay I had just had my son and the problem was me not him because everyone thinks he is just great they don't see whats behind closed doors. I feel like everything is crashing around me and its all my fault. I'm at the point where I feel I should just leave they are all better off without me anyway.
Thank you all for listening to my stupid vent
P.S. I recently made a appointment to see a psychologist
4 Replies
I'd also be making an appointment for your daughter to see a GP, ask for a referral to see a child psychologist and a peadiatrician. Do NOT ignore your child's behaviour. It's not typical behaviour for a 4 year old and it sounds like she needs help. Getting her help, will make your life easier.
I'd also kick his lazy ass out! Sorry, but him undermining your confidence is making things much much worse than they need to be! You will be much better off on your own with the kids.,
I'm glad to see you have booked a appointment with a psychologist, it sounds like you are under alot of pressure and stress I truly think that will benefit you greatly.
Next off brutally honest your support system sucks! Hubby needs a huge attitude adjustment they are not just your kids you are meant to be a partnership and he is massively letting you down.
I would also speak to your gp about your child's behaviour they may be able to help with strategies or determine if there are other factors at play with her behaviour
Please go to your GP and Child Health Nurse in regards to your daughters behaviour. Your Child health nurse can refer you to services to help your daughter and the GP can refer your daughter to a paediatrician who may be able to shed some light on what is going on with your daughter. Please stop ignoring what's going on with her because it is not normal behaviour for a 4 year old.
I'd also see a counsellor for yourself and maybe some couples counsellings for you and your husband.
Oh my god, it sounds like your child has ADHD or something, this is not your fault or your parenting and it isn't her fault either. Please get this checked. Don't make any life decisions at this time about leaving your husband, get your child treatment, your house is currently a pressure cooker, ready to explode. I guarantee when you get the correct coping mechanisms/treatment for your child, everything else will fall into place and if it doesn't, the option to leave will always be there. Good luck, you've got this.