I'm in desperate need of some advice from mummas with 2 or more kids. How did you deal with the oldest once a new baby was on the scene? I'm not coping very well at all. I'm crying every day because my 2.5 yo girl who was a beautiful, sweet and very well behaved kid, has taken this huge turn around and is having constant meltdowns that have gone from typical 2yo behaviour to extreme kicking and screaming when we try dress her and put her to bed, screams no at everyone and everything, wants "mummy" all day long even when I'm holding her but when I go cuddle and play she wants "daddy" and has a really bad attitude even with her favourite relatives now. I had our 2nd girl right before Christmas so the stay in hossy was the longest I've been away from her, she was sick with the heat and then doing the rounds for Christmas, really knocked her around. We have tried getting back some normality and I've been spending as much time with her as possible, playing and cuddling and i praise her every time she does something good or behaves. We don't exclude her at all and involve her in nappy changes, she sits with me when I feed dd2 and she's actually a beautiful big sister, when she wants to play il grab some toys and sit down with her but we are trying to maintain the discipline we used before and it just turns into total meltdown. I'm finding that it's ME that's not coping at all. My OH is great, patient and takes over when I can't handle it anymore but he's been working a lot and doing it on my own makes it that much more tough. I absolutely love her and I really miss the old kid she used to be :( but I'm finding myself keen for her to go to child care just so I can get a break and not have to listen to back chat and screaming. She goes twice a week and while it's a new battle trying to drop her off, (she used to happily go and wave goodbye) she ends up having a really good day and forgets about the dramas at home for a while. I know it's something quite normal and it will eventually pass or get better but it's ME I'm now worried about as I can't enjoy my new beautiful family the way I should be. Please tell me your stories, how you coped and what you did so I feel a little less shit about myself and guilty.. x
2 Replies
Honestly, send her to daycare a day a week. Your daughter will LOVE it,mint will be great for her socially, and will give you a day to regroup.
Also reexamine your discipline techniques. Are they effective or are they creating a battle of the wills? If after 4 weeks there is no improvement in behaviour with a technique it's time to have a think about its value. Just because a discipline works for one stage in a child's life doesn't mean it's effective in another.
Sorry I should have stated she does go twice a week. It does the both of us good. I've edited that bit in now. And the disciplin was working until we brought her sister home. Not that we ever really had to use it because she was such a good kid. But saying no to thugs she's not suppose to have are the big problems. Such as no to bikkies for brekky, no to staying up late watching tv, no to throwing toys around and not picking them back up. Just stuff like that that is the real battle with her. She needs to still have boundaries.