I've been hesitant to write in as some of the abhorrent comments I see made to some mums sometimes make me fearful to share.
But here goes...
I don't like people.. people in general. I'm not a peopley person. I'm married to an introvert which is perfect for me because he's not peopley either.
We have 3 children, 2 of which are introverted and 1 that is the most outgoing, friendly confident person I've ever known and who lives to socialise. She attends a few extra curricular activities as that's the best solution I could come up with to nurture her need to socialise without putting myself in situations I can't handle well.
My husband and I don't really have friends. We work full time and are obviously busy raising our kids and as introverts we need down time on weekends to recharge. Not to mention catching up on washing, cleaning etc before our weekends are done and we are back to work. "The last thing either of us want to do is socialise and chat with people. We really just prefer each other's company. Social situations make us both feel stressed and uneasy.
There's a bit of back ground I guess. I was diagnosed with PTSD after some awful experiences in my life. I lost some friends that I did Have because I started saying no to situations that triggered me. Being around groups of people just makes me uncomfortable. I was bullied severely as a child and then found myself in abusive relationships until I met my wonderful gentle husband.
Anyway, As a result of avoiding social situations some of the friendships ended not so nicely.. others just faded out.. it didn't phase me that much.. in fact I felt relieved somewhat that I no longer had to do things I didn't want to do to keep others happy. I still speak to the ones that kept their hearts Open to me but it's mostly through phone calls and text and I'm grateful for their understanding.
My family are deeply dysfunctional(drugs, alcohol and more) and my husband's family are even worse. I limit my contact with mine because the situation is pretty toxic and my husband hasn't since his family in years.
I went to see a counsellor who for the first time ever made me feel like I wasn't bat shit crazy. She too was an introvert who didn't revel in the company of others either.
She normalised things for me and helped me learn to accept my needs whether it was a phase or how I chose to live my life.
But it's been some time since I have seen her and sometimes my mind had a tendency to wander and I find myself feeling like there is something wrong with me. The people I know come to me a lot for advice and opinions on things in their lives. I value that greatly because it tells me that there is something about me that is needed. Yet I don't want to see them.. but am happy to support them from afar.
I guess what I want to know is, does anyone else feel a real aversion to people? I don't feel I'm better than anyone else. Occasionally I do wish I was more Social but
I don't want to spend my time with people because society says it's antisocial not to.
But am I crazy? Is it ok to just not want to have friends?
Thanks for listening..
7 Replies
I socially minimally, it's enough for me. I don't care what anyone else does. Christmas is always exhausting for me because in a month I had 4 social/family things to go to. That will be enough for me until March, when I have a special friends birthday dinner, and then that will be it until next Christmas! Suits me
You can't change your personality :)
I have an anxiety disorder, PTSD and depression. On top of that, I am an introvert.
I dislike people too.
I don't like people. I love my partner and our son and spend a lot of time with them. Other than that, I do love his family, in small doses. Some bigger doses than others but all are small doses. I have a best friend, we see each other once or twice a year and talk on the phone every 6-8 weeks (I hate phones too, part deaf so they shit me to tears). We talk more via FB posts than anything else now. I can take her in massive doses, she just lives too damn far away. I have two other friends that I see less than once a year, one has moved away and the other is busy a lot. My partner has many friends here and we see some of them a fair bit, this is his hometown so he's grown up with this lot of hooligans. Usually only on weekends though as we both work fulltime and if I'm more anti-social than usual I just escape upstairs and leave them to it. My boss knows how I am, unless he can't get out of it I am free of social engagements. I am literally useless as tits on a bull when it comes to small talk. Yet, I love music so my one exception is I can be happy as a pig in shit surrounded by 100,000 other people at a gig. Go figure. Either way, I doubt it's anything wrong with us, I blame society.
When I was younger I was shy, then as I aged I drank and came out of my shell, now in my 40's I don't drink anymore and I have realised I really don't like people. I have a couple of close friends and that's all I want. I can't be bothered with people's drama. I could not handle being in a group of fiends that bitched about each other. I'm at the point where half the time I don't even want o attend family dos. Occasionally I think I would like a "couple" friend that hubby and I can socialise with together, but we are really different and have totally different types of friends. I use to work in retail/hospitality, now the thought of that makes me feel ill lol I'm glad I don't have to deal with th public in my current job. I think there is probably more people out there that feel the same then we realise.
It is totally ok to not want to have friends. I think as long as you and your partner are both happy, and your kids continue to have opportunities to socialise (if they want to), you'll be fine. I really don't like going out, unless its just with my husband, or with my parents/brothers.
My husband is extroverted and will often go out without me - it does upset him sometimes as he always has to explain my absences, but he is pretty good at understanding that I simply don't like socialising - I feel awkward most of the time and don't like making small talk (I find it really hard!). I do make the effort where needed though to support him.
I wouldn't say that I hate people but I am happy spending my weekends and nights at home doing nothing!
Not crazy and there is nothing wrong with you. I am the same I hate social situations. I am happiest at home with just the children. I understand how you feel and sometimes I feel embarrassed that I struggle socially and I sometimes want to be more social but it is just not who I am. I have started to learn to accept it and I am now happier.