So christmas day is always an exciting day for the kids. They all love unwrapping presents and getting spoilt on this great occasion. However this christmas I never thought I would say this but I was actually ashamed of my 5 year olds attitude on christmas day and i'm hoping other IM can either share their experiences with me or even give me ideas on how to make sure it NEVER happens again.
So pretty much when it came to gift unwrapping my son was impatient and was sooking whenever he had to wait for a gift to be handed to him from "santa" this was in front of a large group of family and friends. He said "where is my next present?!" I would explain to him that Santa will give it to him when his name comes up on a present. "No I want my next one now" etc etc and he was going through the presents himself and just grabbing any that had his name on them. He also made it VERY clear when he didn't like a present that was given to him by saying "thats not a good christmas present" and whinging. I explained he still has to say thank you for the present. He refused to do so. I wanted to cry from embarrassment, thanking family members for giving my ungrateful child a great present.
Fast forward to playing around with relatives. He was happy to play games. He screamed the neighbourhood down whenever he was "losing". I explained that if you want to play with someone you have to be prepared for the other person to play back.
The entire day went like that. Even worse then I can explain. He even asked as soon as we got home where more presents were and when we went to another relatives he sooked when he had to wait to open presents until other people arrived.
I travel every now and again for work and almost always bring him a gift home. One time I bought him (what I thought was ) an awesome gift home. Only for him to point at the tag and say "I want that one" and I said "oh so I should just throw this one away then" "yeah" then when pretending to throw it away he sooked. So he apologised so I stupidly gave it back. He puts it on the floor and proceeds to stomp on it. I swore i've never cried to hard in my life before over his rejection of my gift.
There are similar times like this, that would take too long to explain.
I don't think this is normal behaviour and I don't even know what i'm asking for. A vent? Advice? Hope?
Please anything?
Thank you IM I know it was a long read xx
15 Replies
Is your child a single child? My eldest was simular till her siblings came along. Also try and make a big thing about sharing and taking turns. If he is rude and doesnt play right with a present then take it away and dont let him have it back till he can show better behaviour.
Firstly, stop buying him presents for now. He doesn't need presents every time you travel for work and it's not doing him any favours, in fact it's doing him harm. The fact he expects stuff means he gets too much stuff, too often, so stop it. If you keep spoiling him, he will just get worse. Getting presents on a continuing basis means they stop being surprises, and special, they become an Expectation. Nobody should expect a gift.
Time to also teach him about giving and about children who don't have stuff. So start explaining about the harsh realities of the world in an age appropriate way. Get him involved in giving to people who are living in poverty etc.
Start teaching him about money. How people have to work to earn money to buy presents. So that means chores and pocket money! Mummy had to earn money, so do the kids.
Start playing games at home and sometimes loose (and model good behaviour), and make sure he also looses. If you've been letting him win to spare his feelings, stop it.
Stop buying him gifts.
Gifts are for birthdays and Christmas.
He sounds like a spoilt brat.
But, some of the behaviour is normal.
You seem like you're trying your best with telling him to be patient etc.
Maybe you should get all the toys he didn't like for Christmas, and get HIM to give them to charity.
Make a point of "if you don't like it, we'll give it to someone who appreciates it. But you're not getting anything else in return ".
My beautiful five year old was bratty too. And she never is. It looks awful but i think its important to look at the bigger picture. Its a big expectation to expect them to be in such a highly stimulating and emotional time and to behave perfectly as expected and graciously when this is only the first or second christmas they really understand and have experienced.
Try to look at the values you want your child to have and find ways to teach them. In the calm of other days. I was talking to my child tonight about being grateful for what you have and not thinking about getting more and more. And she said 'i wonder what Molly will give me?'
I could have exploded.
Tomorrow we're writing a letter to say thankyou for each gift. We'll remember it & appreciate that someone took the time to give it when they didnt have to. ( and yes i agree, if we decide its not what we like, we'll give it to another child who didnt get a gift and would really love it although im sure it wont happen!) teach them how to do it gracefully and make them think next time before they say something ungrateful.
Also try to model behaviour to your children. Get their attention and talk through whats happening when you get a gift or have a birthday. Let them know youve sqid thank you and written a thank you message again. Or sent a photo of you using your bag. Because you really appreciate that they thought of you and they didnt have to.
Hopefully next years better :/
Hey. OP here.
He definitely acts like a spoilt child, but I don't believe I spoil him. He is normally excellent at saying thank you and giving kisses when he gets treats ( I work nights so every now and again I will bring him home hot cakes) he says thank you mummy and gives me a big kiss and cuddle. But then other times he is just terrible. I told him to hop off of his ipad and play with his toys. He said he doesn't like his toys (tantrum) I said oh you don't like your toys? "No" in which i proceeded to grab any random toy and put in a bin bag while he follows me around smacking me and we are both crying. Me from anger/hurt ( I worked friggen hard for him to get this stuff!!) and him from well... being a spoilt brat. My partner intervined and told me not to follow through. I learnt this way when I was about 7 or 8. If I was acting up toys get chucked. Although it extremely harsh I definitely definitely would go through with it if he ever Insulted his toy room again.
Being around my siblings is always hard as they are always saying he needs a good smack. However I was belted (smacking is definitely not the term I would use to how i was disciplined as a child) over very little things when I was a kid and I always told myself I would never lay a hand on my child. I have smacked him three times his entire life. Once on the hand for playing with power points. Once on the bum when he was going through a smacking/slapping/ biting/ scratching stage and once out of anger he got 3 solid smacks on his bum (he would not stay in his room for time out and continued coming out when I needed a break from his screaming). EVERY single time it ends in me crying and being upset for 2-3 days over the guilt of breaking my one disciplining rule.
I would say he is a good kid, but when his not he is really really out of control...I just don't even know where to begin with correcting his behaviour. Its normally worse when he is around other people but even at home he chucks atleast 3-4 tantrums a day over little things (like waiting for 5 minutes for me to come inside, or when its bedtime, or bath time or time to put the ipad away for the day)
He is a only child. So I don't have anyone to compare him to.
I fully understand i'm screwing up majorly, and I really really want to fix it.
Something you just said kind of rang bells for me. Kids with ADHD can never wait their turn, it is a characteristic of the condition as well as being overly emotional and having outbursts. Your child doesn't need to be climbing the walls to have it and there is are different types, impulse/hyper and inattentive or mixed. Was your child a climber as a toddler or a runner or has little fear? I could be completely off track but maybe have a google and see if he ticks any of the bo. He may just have it mildly and you may need to change your discipline techniques because I believe the normal things may not work so well. I don't have a child with it, sorry the info is a little vague, good luck!
I agree with this. My child is not diagnosed adhd but is sensitive so threatening to throw away toys would guarantee a meltdown where nothing productive would come after, just downhill. As the adult and calm one i have to manage it and wait until the right time and choose the right discipline for her. Definitely not smacking or throwing out things in a mad temper, this wouldnt teach her at all just make her completely lose it and then be devastated.
Honestly boys go through a stage at his age and it is so difficult. The best thing is to set realistic consequences and stick to them. If he says he doesn't want his toys give him one warning about being ungrateful and other kids would love those toys. If he does it again take the toys and donate them to charity. Explain exactly what you are doing and why. I also found that videoing my son during a tantrum worked. I know it sounds cruel but I said I am going to video you and show Santa so he can see how unappreciative you are for your new toys. Next year I don't think Santa will bring any toys if this is how you act. He stopped straight away and apologised. Your son isnt bad and you are not a bad parent he is just learning how far he can push boundaries to get what he wants. All kids do it to one extent or another. Good luck!
Best advise ever!
I completely agree with this ! I have a 5yo boy too who was also just wanting more more more presents ! He was very excited by the idea of opening the presents and the thrill of it all ! I think the impatience part of it could come down to that!?
As for the ungreatful I actually think that is a learned skill ! It's not something that comes naturally . Like manners . It takes repitition repitition repitition !! Explain that it's rude to say if you dislike a present and that we say thankyou because someone has made an effort to get it for us . And later tell him if we dislike a gift we can pass it on to someone that will like it . How would he know this if he's never experienced it before. The thing about having lots of toys or things means we can choose favorites ! It's not 'wrong' to dislike something !!!! It's just that we need to choose our reaction to that ! It
Can feel embarrassing and it can feel like we've failed but the truth is we need to view it as an opportunity to teach ! This is a lesson he has not yet learned !!
So other suggestions could be to volunteer at a shelter and explain poverty , teach him about giving by doing some random acts of kindness and explain that joy can be gained from giving too not just from receiving ! Get him to go through his toys and choose some that he doesn't like so
Much and post them
On a local pay it forward page and maybe even deliver them so he can see another child get excited by his old toys ? There are refugee shelters or homeless shelters you could also donate to ?
I've spoken to a few mums with 5yos in the last few days and we are all saying the same thing !! Our kids are not over spoiled however they have also never gone without ! You are not alone and your son is not abnormal !! We need to get more creative in teaching manners and greatfulness ! It's hard but keep at it xo
I soooooo love this comment. I remember when my son was about three and my sister and I were in the bedroom and he was talking and my sister answered him. He said, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to mummy. I said to him, that is rude and I remember my sister saying, he's not being rude, hes just telling us who he is talking to (she is a teacher). Kids are just very honest, they soon learn wnough what's appropriate with our guidance and just being in the world in general.
My daughter is almost five and showed some rather ungrateful behaviour at Christmas that I had never seen before so with her birthday early next year, she won't be getting what she thinks she is entitled to. I am not raising a child that is entitled to anything but what their hard work rewards them with. If she truly wants something, she must earn it in good behaviour and consistent good behaviour. I have always gifted her small things throughout the year but will stop that now that I realise exactly the precedent I am setting for her. Stay strong mumma. Stay strong and follow through with everything you say you are going to do. It may be a harsh lesson but it is one that will sink in xxx
I had the same problem with mine between 4-6 years old. It's a stage they go through. Though I felt like everyone thought I was the worst mother in the world and he was a horrible child so I'm there with you. I'm happy to say there is light at the end of the tunnel. This Christmas (he is 7 yrs old now) he thanked everyone for his presents and showed true appreciation. I was gob smacked. I suppose it could be due to restricting things( iPad) as a consequence of bad behaviour. Chin up mumma. I swear they were put on this earth to publicly embarrass us......I say as I just got back from the movies with him where he stuffed a whole packet of m&ms in his mouth and vommed everywhere.
Thought I would post here as the post on Facebook got lots of comments I doubt you'll read them all. This year my 3 year old received a few presents from Santa. One present was a box with 3 potatoes and a note explaining that the three potatoes show the three presents he missed out on due to not listening throughout the year. Perhaps this is something you could try for next year.
My 9 year old wasn't overly enthusiastic about some of his pressies for Christmas (so pisses me off) BUT he fakes appreciation and says thanks and that he loves it lol Difference between our kids, mine is older, he has learnt societies rules and yours will too. They are soooo blatantly honest at that age, but as they get older, they get wiser. Sometimes my son will go to say something and then stop or insult me and totally back pedal and change what he is saying, I'm telling you if you keep disciplining as you are, he will get there in the end. Give him a break, I think the stuff on Facebook was way too harsh, you sound like a great mum.