How do I fight jealousy ? I'm normally a confident person who is grateful for the things I do have but I'm incredibly jealous of my partners brothers wife. They are married we are not (been together same length of time). They own a house we don't. She is amazingly Beautiful (I do ok, look worse in photos then life) she has been on five holidays this year with her husband. I have been on one by myself. She is liked better by the inlaws ( she's amazingly humble with an infectious personality) whereas I tend to stand up for my own ideas for raising children, leading them to like me less. that brother earns more money then my partner so a lot of the differences stem from that. I've never been jealous of anyone before and I know it's a hideous trait but I can't help feeling like "when's it my turn"? It's super hard as well as our husbands are twins and very similar so lives naturally get compared. I do love my boyfriend but he is lazier and a lot more stubborn then his brother, I have asked to go on holiday and dropped hints that he could make me a paper ring and I'd marry him. I also do love my sister in law (I wish she was). But can not help feeling as though I got dealt a dodgy hand by the universe.
6 Replies
It took me awhile to realise that I chose my life and couldn't be jealous of people who choose differently.
You chose who to be in a relationship with. We choose how long to stay in that relationship, even when it's obvious the guy isn't interested in the life we wanted.
I can't be jealous of my sister, she chose to work hard in high school so she could have an amazing career, I was too busy having fun. That was a choice I made, that suited my personality. She chose differently, is reaping the rewards, good for her.
You chose to be in a relationship with someone who is more laid back, doesn't think marriage is important. That's a choice. If you wanted something different, or want something different you can choose to change that.
If she is compromising, that's a choice your SIL is making, that option is open to you, IF you really want it, if you don't, good for you.
It's up to us to create the lives we want, it's up to you to make choices. Just like it was up to me not to hitch my wagon to a guy who didn't have the same dreams and relationship goals as me, just as it's up to me to choose to study in high school, or have a social life.
The feelings we have never make us bad people, it's the actions we do is what makes us bad. You have done nothing to her, you acknowledge her strengths, you own your feelings, you sound to me like an extremely insightful and wonderful human being. You don't sound jealous, you sound envious and there is no human alive that hasn't experienced this at some point. The guys are twins for gods sake, you guys are around the same age, ofcourse you are going to compare! I think it is time to put yourself first, time to tell your partner seriously how you feel and time for him to step up to the plate because honestly, if you were in a really good place, feeling supported and loved, the money wouldn't even bother you. Your envy is a symptom of the bad place your relAtionship is in, time to fix it or move on.
Sounds like youve seen the life and because the brothers are twins youre the one doing the comparing. You sound like you would prefer the other one and his partners life.
Just remember money tends to have a charmed look. More luxurious, more attractive, more liked, all the things you see in her, but underneath it theres still regular life and relationships and i guarantee they have problems and flaws too. If you saw it all, you might prefer your husband again.
I think the real issue here is that youre not fulfilled in your relationship and want something else. seeing her living the life you want has highlighted to you that youve settled for less.
I get you! Slightly different situation, but i get you!
My husband is the eldest of 3 boys. My husband is very clever, but chose to be a dick head until the age of 21, didn't do as well as he could at school, in and out pf dead end jobs, smoking weed was all that was important to him.
The middle brother is equally as clever, but applied himself at school and did well. Didn't know what he wanted to do when he left school, so joined the army... where he developed an awful arrogance! Though he's not qualified in any field, he has the gift of the gab, and talked himself into many a well paying job, jobs that he's not qualified to do, he just learns on the job! I'm jealous on behalf of my husband, becuase although he was a turd growing up, he's worked hard to mend his ways, gone to uni, worked hard to get the job he has now, but for his brother... has gone from working in a bar, to doing an engineers job, just fallen into his lap!
His parents favour the middle child, and will openly tell the boys this, and it drives me wild.
My husband says it doesn't bother him, but i know it does!
I just want to applaud you for your maturity. Their are people who recognise their feelings of jealousy, own it and take responsibility for it. Then there are people who blame others for their jealousy and become toxic, trouble making and nasty people. You are the former. Have no advice for you to overcome jealousy, but just wanted to praise you on owning it and being mature about it.
Both my SIL's are jealous of hubby and I for both the same reasons.
One is his sister,
One is my brothers wife.
They both wanted kids so badly, I wasn't fased, hubby thought it would be nice. We ended up having 2 babies 14 months apart.
I work super hard at everthing I do, hubby needs a kick up the bum some times but is charming and does well out of that.
Over the years our hard work paid off, luck got us a lovely house in a fantastic suburb.
Hubby was made redunant but wasn't given any notice, ending in a pay out. This set his business up, the business snow balled.
My hubby's sister was so jealous she made up rumours 5 years ago. MIL believed her and our kids have not seen their grandmother in 4 years.
We finally made amends with her as she got her child. But her partner met us for the 1st time and abused my hubby based on untruths from his sister.
My brother's wife will not talk to us as she says it hurts we have everything she wants.
None of them have looked at the hours we work, the study we do, or the hard stuff.
Of course we will reward ourselves we work super hard.
If they can't, thats bad luck really.
Working 12 hrs or more a day, sometimes 7 days a week isn't easy with 2 kids and our nearest family member is 9hrs away.
It may look glamorous, but its just rewards for hard work.
All the nice things we buy usually second hand or on sale. I research till I find excatly what I want at the price at I want to pay.