I can't parent anymore!! I give up. I wish I never had my child. I just can't do it!!!! My child has never slept properly from birth, they have never listened.. everyone does the opposite to what I say because my child just chucks a tantrum if told no and doesn't get their own way... I struggle daily! I am on antidepressants already, I have spoken to a councillor but that hasn't helped and I'm scared to ask for any more help as I don't want her taken away and placed with strangers.... I'm fighting a losing battle and I can't go on anymore.... I just don't know what to do at all :( I'm lost, scared, confused and no idea where to even start trying to fix myself.. sorry if this makes no sense.
5 Replies
? this is so sad. Im sorry i cant help with suggestions. All i know is when you do eventually get a break, and sleep, everything is 1000000 times better and the hard times much more bearable.
If i was you i would go to the community health nurses and tell them everything. Good luck in getting changes soon
Is there anyone close to you that you trust? Can you go to them and say you're struggling, can they take her for just one night so you can get some sleep? Tantrums suck, and OMG they go on, and on, and on. My coping mechanism at home was to just let my son tanty himself out, he got nothing but a soft bottle of water (in case he threw it) and left to kick, scream and hate me to his hearts delight, and he most definitely did not get what the tantrum was over - I am soooo not the favourite parent in this household. Out in public, shopping for instance, I had a trick where I used to tell him I'd rip his spine out. Sounds violent and gross I know, (and what boy doesn't thrive on gross I say?) but it wasn't. I'd sense the tanty coming, I'd gently massage the back of his neck right below the skull and say "this is where I'll pull it through, you'll be my little puddle of boy on the floor and we'll have to mop you up". Giggles and tickles followed. It became like a game, but I knew if we were at that level to hoof it back home asap as it didn't buy me much time. Hang in there mumma, look up the Triple P parenting program, it's fantastic, and with ODD in the lad I found it a big help in learning to negotiate with him and still raise a fine young man. Everyone says it takes a village to raise a child and it does, one woman alone does not a village make. A bout of depression won't see your child taken. If that's all it took there'd be like 2% of the worlds women raising 100% of the children (and you can't tell me they're not going crack under that pressure either). Ask for help, build a support network. You've got this. Right after a decent nap.
Oh honey, I can relate I had my son at 21 and felt like I was drowning. Depression and a child with sleep issues, plus 'never listened' and escape artist and I was burnt out and I just didn't have the skills to cope.
You don't say how old your child is and what investigations have been done into your child's behaviour. If he is older than 2 it's time to investigate your child's issues and behaviour. So I suggest a child psychologist, and peadiatrician.
If there are no 'underlying causes' a child psychologist can help with parenting strategies that can help. They can help support you as a parent. If there is underlying issues they can help you access funding (where appropriate) and the correct therapies etc.
You need to sleep! So book that kid of yours into daycare just one day a week and SLEEP! It's hard to think straight when you are tired, I know. My son has a rare chronic sleep disorder so I know what it's like.
Seeking help will not result in your child going into foster care. IT WONT. It just doesn't work that way. I know because I work in the industry. The foster care system wants you to keep your child.
So I want you to go back to your GP and get referrals for your child to see paediatricians and a psychologist.
Babies, toddlers and preschoolers not sleeping thru the night is so common and normal. It's not cause you have failed as a parent or your kid is being naughty. Same with not listening and chucking tantrums and it's incredibly exhausting and frustrating as a parent. I imagine even more so when you have depression to contend with also. I can suggest Triple P Parenting. I found them so useful in finding methods to get my son to listen and manage and respond and sometimes just avoid tantrums without giving in. Personally, I also found that part of my problem was I expected too much from him for his age, needed to play with him more, and needed to be more aware of my emotions. If I get frustrated, my eldest actually gets worse cause he feeds off my emotions. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It was such an eye opener to child development and provided useful and practical methods to use. Also I'm not sure if you have anything like this where you live, but have a look at Community Family Centres. Ours is run by the Benevolent Society. They have information online also. Be the way, its also normal to feel like giving up sometimes. Parenting is a tough gig lol! Nothing you have written makes me think you are a failure to parent your kid. You just sound like you need more support and resources.
Where are you located? There are underlying factors that are causing this sense of failure.. I can definitely help Im located Brisbane email me if your local. terasia1@outlook.com