I come from a family of predominantly obese people and I once was obese as well. My family is happy being this way, and that is fine by me. If you want to be fat, thin, muscular or flabby that's your choice. I however chose that I wanted to do what was better for me and my health. I lost the weight, over 50kgs to be exact, I adopted a healthy lifestyle, eating whole foods and exercising regularly. Anyone would think my family would support me, considering I developed an inflammatory bowel disease that was made worse due to my weight, but I'm constantly being skinny shamed. At family outings we like to enjoy a BBQ, but usually I will bring my own food, not for any other reason except the oil from BBQ food gives me a stomach ache and I've lost my taste for it, but my family always bring up the topic of how much I've changed and how they preferred me being bigger and that I "looked" healthier when I was fat. But yet it was a comment made by the biggest member of my family Christmas 2 years ago when I wore a dress and she commented saying how much weight I had gained after the birth of my daughter, this was the point when I decided I would lose the weight as no one likes to be "fat shamed". Previously, I could not even walk up my stairs without being out of breath, now I can comfortably ride my bike for 20kms and I run up those stairs multiple times a day. I am so happy with how I look and feel right now, but it's hard to be proud of myself when my family is so unsupportive of me. I have just purchased a quad bike which has a limit of 90kgs, and my sister made a comment asking if it was going to be big enough, I told her that I don't think I would ever be over 90kgs again, and it would only ever be me and my daughter riding it so it didn't matter anyway. She then got all annoyed because I didn't think if anyone else would want to use it as well, I then told her that the biggest one they had held a maximum of 160kg but was 250cc and I didn't want one that powerful considering I'm only a beginner.... even the biggest size wouldn't hold her being 200kg. She then said I was being selfish and that she didn't like how I have changed, she hates coming over my house because I only have healthy food and that our relationship has changed. I admit it has, but it's more been personal growth and soul searching on my behalf. I look at her and her 2 overweight children and I don't want that for my family. I want my daughter to grow up with a healthy respect for food and a balance of exercise. I'm being told that it's unfair to make my 4 year old daughter come walking with me every morning (only around the block which is 700m!) I don't make her, she loves coming on a walk with me and she loves walking our little dog! And if she chooses she can ride her bike or scooter, but she loves to walk with me!
I am completely alone in this world except for my daughter and family and it really cuts deep when no one is proud or supportive of how far I've come, I feel like I am being pressured into gaining the weight back again, they don't like to have pictures taken with me because I "make them look bad"
My mum made a comment today about one of her friends who had weight loss surgery, and she said this person got down to a size 14. I said, good on her, what a great effort and my mum said, nah she's too skinny now, she should have stayed the way she was. I said I didn't think a size 14 was too skinny, I think it's a good size, she then said she's gone too far, she goes to the gym 3 times a week when she should be with her family, she takes it too seriously now and all she ever talks about is how much weight she's lost. I then said a comment saying a size 14 is still quite big compared to me, and this woman was pretty muscular as well. She then turned it around and said I must be a bloody heffalump to you then! I disagreed and said I don't care what other people choose to do with their bodies, I am responsible for my own. I was simply making a statement that I did not think a size 14 was too small. She stormed off and told me not to bother coming to any more family get togethers until I re evaluated my life choices. Like wtf!? I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I think I even shed a few tears, I just want someone to say... Wow! You did a great job! Or atleast allow me to bring a salad to lunch and not get shamed for doing it!
I know fat shaming is a big problem, but skinny shaming is a problem as well. Every body is different, some perform optimally with more body fat, others don't, I don't judge you if you're fat, so don't judge me because I'm skinny, or anyone else for that matter.
9 Replies
That's terrible. I know it's hard but I would try and ignore them. You have done so, so well! And what a wonderful example for your daughter. Don't let them pressure you into gaining weight - they are quite simply jealous. Good on you xx
It's jealousy! Put simply! Deep down they really aren't happy with themselves and the fact that you have done it makes them see that it can be done, they just lack the motivation! They make you feel bad so they can feel better about themselves. I feel the same as you. Ilost 40kgs after the birth of my 3.5yo daughter and I have been skinny shamed by my obese family ever since. No one ever said anything when I was 96kgs but when I got down to 56kgs (which is healthy for my height & I looked and felt great too) I was suddenly 'anorexic' 'emaciated' 'too skinny' 'could afford to eat that piece of cake' 'unhealthy' 'a sugar nazi'. Legit, that is what my mum and sisters said to me many times! But over time I have put those comments to the back of my mind because I know I am doing the right thing for my health & I know that I am setting a great example for my daughter. I don't want her to grow up with a body full of shit food & stretchmarks everywhere & saggy breasts from weightloss. My advice to you is to shut down their comments. Everytime they bring up weight or food or make a comment just say 'Im not going to discuss it with you.' If they try to keep going just say no. They will soon learn. Worked for me with my family, they don't discuss my weight or food choices now. Good luck
I have the opposite issue! I look like I come from another family. Even when I've been 'skinny' I don't look like I belong, never been less that a 12. Totally different body shapes entirely. My family are all tiny people. Like size 6 and size 8 on a fat day.
My mum likes to 'drop hints' about my health, despite the fact I've never had ANY health issues. They like to stand around and complain about there 'fat bits' in front of me.
So I can relate to your pain, but of course it's different. I'm sorry for what we both go through.m
They are jealous and it is so annoying because skinny shaming is rarely commented on. I used to work at a place where I was a lot thinner than the other people who would be considered obese (according to bmi). Despite me being a healthy, albeit on the lower end of healthy bmi, they would constantly say "you should eat something" or "you need to put more meat on your bones". It was annoying as I would never say to an obese person that they would need to lose weight!!
I completely empathise with you! I think all you can do is ignore it, they are just trying to validate that they are the correct weight by putting you down! Awesome effort on losing the weight...people underestimate how hard it is to lose weight and change your lifestyle but you'be done a great job and should feel super proud! X
My last assistant at work was a skinny young thing, everyone (ie all the bigger people) would comment that she needed to eat something or exclaimed if they happened to see her eating, wanting to know what she was eating etc. It drove me fucking nuts FOR her. Working in the same office all the time I was the one who saw she pretty much ate non-stop for 9 hours a day. People just can't mind their own business and think their opinion is worth more than the shi-paper it actually is. Jealousy is a curse, bask in their badly proclaimed admiration for your determination and discipline, it'll drive them cray cray!
They are probably jealous but I do think taking your own food is quite rude. A plate that you have brought to share is fine but food specifically for you only sounds a little fanatical to me.
I once lost 15kg several years ago and have kept it off, but I was quite obsessive about it for a while there and had a few fainting spells as I just wasn't eating enough. I'm just mentioning this cause sometimes on here we only here one side and there maybe a reason your family is behaving the way they are?
If she doesn't like the food that is being provided, why shouldn't she take her own? Although in saying that, when we do family bbqs etc we often each bring something different and share. That might be one option in future and that way the OP can bring a healthy dish that she likes so she knows there is something there she will eat.
OMG sorry but what a horrid family. They should be supportive of you no matter what choices you make. You have done a fantastic job and are setting a excellent example for your kids of strength and determination and of what hard work can achieve. You should be so proud of yourself for what you have done. If your family can't see what a huge difference it has made to your life then maybe it's time to step back and start spending time with people that can be uplifting rather than downgrading. Sorry for being so harsh but I have been In a similar situation and it still make me cranky. Be proud of what you have achieved!
I had the same thing. I one day had enough n gorged on the foods that messed with my Bowels. I then sat farting like crazy and groaning in pain. I said sorry this is why I avoid those foods and left.