Please help, I'm lost!!

You're not going to be happy until you find your self worth. Have you sought any kind of counselling to help you through these issues, ie the cheating, being left, your parents deaths etc.
Staying with someone just because they are the father of your children isn't going to make you happy. I left my children's father for many reasons. Cheated on me when our first born was six weeks old because I was out of town visiting family and he didn't want to come. Stayed with him because I didn't believe I had any other option. I didn't know my self worth. Believed it was my fault but could never fully forgive him. Could never fully move past it, the abuse started around here to. I didn't know that there would be someone else out there for me. Went on to have 2 more kids with him the abuse only got worse, felt empty inside when he was around, felt empty inside when he was gone. I was so depressed that I couldn't function properly. I didn't know if I could be happy. The straw that broke the camels back finally appeared. I finally told him that I was not happy, that I couldn't keep living like I had been, that I felt no love for him like I should, that I shouldn't be scared of the man I was in love with and that we had to end things. I waited for a response but got the we can work this out. But deep down I knew we couldn't because he wasn't going to change. It's been 3 years tomorrow!! Three years since I finished things and finally let go of what I wanted him to be, what I wanted my life to be. Three years. For the first six months I felt empty and alone, confused even, I took my time to find my worth. To find the woman I am and used to be. The woman that laughed at little things, the woman with a sense of humour, the woman who could read books and play games with her children without being scared of being told to "shut the fuck up!!" "Shut those fucking kids up" "where do you think you're going" "take that shit off your face" (I wasn't allowed to wear makeup) without being called every name under the sun because I didn't cook something he liked while he was sleeping but cooked something I liked. My friends came back, my family and I laughed again, my children thrived, I made new friends and met nice men. I got out there and filled my needs whilst finding the person i used to be. I kissed a few frogs, I made some bad choices, I made some really good choices. I didn't feel empty any more. 3 years later I am in a relationship with a man who fills my life with joy, who doesn't make me feel empty, who feeds my soul on a daily basis, we don't fight and he doesn't call me names or yell at me. He's met my kids and adores them most of the time and they love him to death. We're 18 months in and have so many plans for the future.

I just want you to know, that you won't feel empty forever, it does get better. Please do what is best for you!! Don't let yourself stop you from being happy! Good Luck Mumma! I wish you all the best!!