So I'm just curious as to if anybody has felt let down by the partners after their births? Do I have a right to be upset? I've had two completely normal natural vaginal births and my partner was a complete wuss and nearly passed out both times, had to be told to hold the baby, and slept the entire time after in a chair whilst I bled out/vomited/tried to feed baby. Has told me he wouldn't come into surgery if I needed too. We're having another and I feel like telling him to just stay home!! I feel so hurt by it all, it's such a sacred thing and he views it so disgustingly!
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Yep! My husband snored the whole night so I didn't get a wink of sleep while in hospital awaiting an induction so I went into labour already completely exhausted. Then he ate my sandwiches post delivery and the day after, when the obstetrician asked how I was, thought he was asking about him and said "oh, I'm a bit tired!" Not funny at the time but retrospectively I can laugh about it as now he has been a dad for a few years is one of the most selfless people I know!
This is the funniest thing I have read in the a long time ???
Haha. He was much better the second time around - had to give him a severe talking to!
Id tell him to stay home, look after the first child. Take someone you can trust with you.
My sisters partner was useless.
Yes you have a right to be pissed he can't put his own issues aside etc. in this important moment, but I'm the kind of person who wouldn't have gone on for a second child with him, because he sounds like an ass!
How is he as a dad / partner?
If this is the only concern with it, I'd make sure he's there for labour and birth but maybe get someone else as tut support person.
My husband is really quesy and didn't handle labour well but he is an absolute amazing dad and husband. Some guys just aren't up for it same as some girls get quesy over things.
When I was in labor with my first, the midwife asked my partner how far apart my contractions were as he had been on his phone the whole time, turns out he was checking the formula one results! He also made fun of the noises I made (apparently groaning in to the gas mouthpiece sounded hilarious). At first I laughed along but as he kept repeating all this to other people I told him if he made fun of me again he wouldn't be welcome in the room for the next baby (turns out the next two babies) this shocked him and he never mentioned it again. When he's not in front of me (like when he was telling my mum after our youngest was born), she told me he was so so so proud of me. All I can figure is that men just handle things differently, he already has a hospital phobia and felt so helpless he was just dealing with it with humour. Not ideal but there we go!
The father of my son was horrid.
Leading up to my due date I had packed a few snacks in my bag to eat while in labour for Energy.. the pig he is went into the bags and ate them all. When I noticed I was so upset as my due date was literally days away and being a first time mum I wanted to be prepared.
I replaced the snacks and when I went into labour I was in far too much pain to eat (I was induced with gel but my waters broke hours later on their own and I had a drug free birth) so my ex decided to shove the packets of lollies in my face while snarkily telling me to eat up and asking why I wasn't eating them?
Super glad I'm no longer with him!!
What an arsehole! This brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you were put through that. I hope the midwifes kicked him out! Xxx <3
My eldest son's father, left me in hospital to labour alone (I was hospitalised and induced because i had bad complications and high risk) while he went out for lunch with some friends. When i rang him to ask where he was and told him to hurry up because labour was progressing quickly, he got irritated and said to just wait, he'd be there when he'd finished lunch....so yeah I was really disappointed. He was so unsupportive and didnt care I was in pain. Obviously I left him. He wasnt a very nice person....
My husband though, he has been amazing. Both times I was cheeky enough to go into labour not long after we went to bed lol. So up again and off to hospital we went and he timed all my contractions on the hour long journey. Offered so much comfort. Was loving and caring the whole time. He was amazing.
My ex was exactly the same with all 6 pregnancies. I have an issue where I haemorrhage and while I was nearly passing out from blood loss, he stood up and said he was going home to sleep because his back was killing from sitting in the chair for 6 hours. He apparently didn't have the 'luxury' of a bed like I did.
Seriously? If men could handle labour they would be the ones that go through it.
I told my husband to go into my room and get some sleep as i knew how exhausted he was. I couldn't sleep, obviously, no point both of us being exhausted when baby did finally arrive.
He did pass out when i had an epidural, he was told he couldn't come into my emergency ceaser. Was i disappointed he couldn't come in, sure, was i angry, No!
Men don't know what to do while we are in labour. They hear us scream, watch us cry etc and they don't know what they need to do. They don't want to get in the way.
Personally, i think you're being harsh and the fact you wouldn't want him at the next birth to me is just cruel. That's his child also, maybe put yourself in his shoes also.
Sorry if that was harsh, wasn't my intention X
My husband slept the majority of my labours. Didnt really bother me though because at the end of the day what can they really do? May as well let one of us get rest. Its draining for men too.
My first partner was with me with our son, he was so caring, wanted to wipe my face with a cloth, hold my hand ect and by god I just wanted him to leave me the f*ck alone lol... after he passed on, I found love again and we went on to have two more babies. My current partner. He couldn't look at the whole birthing process, it freaked him right out. But I respect that. Looking at a vagina being warped and than watching a baby come out, well I didn't even want to see that haha.. some guys (and women!!) just aren't cut out for that type of scenario! My partner can not stand to see me in pain, especially if there is literally nothing he can do to fix it, ain't no Panadol and rest going to stop that contraction from hurting lol,.. I had very quick (1 hour) births, so he just waited in the waiting room, he would come and check on me every couple of minutes and go back out. So even though I birthed alone on those two occasions, (which I was personally ok with) he has withheld his end of being dad afterwards.
He is absolutely the most wonderful father, he cooks every night, cleans and takes care of the children. He does everything I do. He will clean spew and poo off carpets and not blink an eye, just don't show him a birthing mother lol...
I think you might need to just respect the fact we are all different people, different things make us become "wusses", we enjoy different things and dispise different things. He is clearly a good man regardless of this, I mean your having another child to him!
Maybe talk to him and say that you do understand this is not his 'thing' and perhaps get a close girlfriend, your mother, someone, just to be there by your side.
Not delivery but after birth...
My partner faints by the slightest of blood
So my first birth I had both my mum and partner in the room and it was a wonderful experience during my 13hour labour until the point I was told I needed an emergency c-sec
My mum came with me we ALL decided it would be best because if he fainted in the room attention would be drawn away from my surgery and he'd be in the way
This was the best experience ever we had 3 generations in the room..
My next birth is on the 5th of Jan (c-sec thanks to full placenta praevia)
My best friend will be in with me this time
What I was disappointed at was my partner made no effort to see my daughter and I in hospital when I had her in 2014 and used dumb excuses like he has gastro etc...
He doesnt have a licence so I assume it was pure laziness....
I told him if he dares to not visit this next time I will be severely pissed especially since I'll be missing my now 2yo
This just led to a big fight in my house last week! My husband is hopeless during labour. Sitting on his phone barely talking to me, he was better the second time but it was sporadic. He is amazing in surgery though, both births ended in theatre and he was perfect. I didn't get a chance to tell him that before he flew of the handle though lol. I would probably be taking my alternative support person next time as well if it came to that, my friend for more than half my life who adores babies and the whole process x