So I kinda maybe have done a little catfish number on my spouse.
Back story. I caught him talking dirty online to other people, a thing we usually do together (we have that kind of relationship). However this time he hid it. After confrontation, he deleted the apps and decided to behave like doting model husband for a while, especially when we talked about how let down I felt.
But of course I couldn't leave it there.
I set up a fake profile on a porn chat site I know he frequents (another thing we did together). And I made sure he noticed me.
And what do you know, up pops the message wanting to chat.
It's now gotten out of hand & we've really gotten into it, so while I was trying to catch him out I began enjoying it. And there is a bonus.
The doting loving behaviour since this chat stuff kicked off has tripled, and I am getting loving little messages all day. Concern and care that I had so needed lately.
I know it's all guilt behaviour & he is probably chatting to others. But if it is not going beyond chatting and dirty talk, is it so bad? Especially since the payoff has been so good? Would you keep it up?
4 Replies
Personally I'm not black and white on this situation.
I personally would consider this kind of behaviour cheating in MY rekationship and it would be a deal breaker for ME. But it's not for everyone.
Your relationship has broader 'rules' and 'boundaries' than most which is fine if it works for you guys. My concern is you weren't fine with your partners behaviour but you now seem to have talked yourself into being find with it. It doesn't sound like you have a strong sense of your boubdaries OR you are prepared to keep compromising your boundaries until you have none!
Are you going to compromise if he sleeps with someone else because he still treats you nicely? To me it all sounds very immature and childish. Fine if your happy for him to chat to others, then own up, stop cat fishing him and just go with it.
Please think carefully about how far you are prepared to compromise your morals etc.
Does he know it's you he's talking to online or still thinks it's someone else
You do get that the fun you are enjoying with him is not meant for you? That he is not saying these things to you, he is saying them to what he thinks is a random stranger. If your boundaries are okay with him just talking (which they weren't initially, just reminding you), I can't believe I am suggesting this, but, why don't you invite him for a hook up in real life? I assume you wouldn't be okay with that, so see if he is willing to actually go through with it, then you will have you answer. I would also be concerned with the fact that he has been nicer to you than normal, that shows real manipulative behaviour. Sorry but this situation is really fucked up, us women get ourselves into really strange situations ?, good luck, I hope he doesn't take the bait.
I think you need to go see someone if you in anyway think that's ok and how a relationship should be.