Hey IM's,
Just after some advice, back in july i took on the responsibility of my 15 year old sister as an impulse decision. I didnt feel there were any other options left for her. Her father refuses to have anything to do with her now and my mother wasnt coping having her anymore (both her and my sister fought like cats and dogs) so i decided to let her live with me, my partner and our 3 year old son. Im also pregnant i have 9 weeks left until my due date. From the beginning i knew she had issues (depression and anxiety) i felt sorry for her and was always giving her the benefit of the doubt. She was allegedly always getting bullied at school and wouldnt want to go. I found her coming up with every excuse under the sun to not go or stay home. It was always she was sick with something every week or she would go to sick bay or even get her friends to text me asking to pick her up. Even when it came to going to work she would have some excuse. Whenever i gave into her staying home or coming home sick she would instantly be fine as soon as she knew she got what she wanted and would just lay around using my internet all day. She is completely fine and happy when she gets what she wants but as soon as i say no she plays the depression and anxiety card on me. In recent weeks she has been hanging around a new group of friends and she has started demanding things off me and arguing the point numerous times and winging and crying when i say no. She will then start being rude to me she has started swearing at me and started becoming abusive towards me and being so disrespectful. Me and my partner are constantly arguing because of her behavior it is causing unwanted conflict. She got her report card home yesterday she has 4 D's and 3 C's and almost all her teachers said that she is immature, very noisy and disruptive in class, abusive towards other students and just doesnt listen and do her work. Yet she tells me the teachers are mean to her and pick on her. I asked her if she would like to comment on what the teachers said she said to me they are all dogs. She got on level 3 a couple of weeks ago for swearing at the teachers and the principle because she got into an argument with a girl and when the teachers intervened she said she swore at them because they werent listening to her and were being mean to her. She puts the blame on everyone else and refuses to take responsibility for her own actions and is always lying and manipulating and playing the victim. I recently went to the doctors to seek the help of a psychologist because im so stressed my toddler acts out when shes home from school and im pregnant her being here is making me miserable and my son and partner are suffering for it. What do i do? My partner is threatening me to kick her out if she keeps disrespecting me and i think Docs is the only option left but can they even help me with this situation? I cant do this anymore ?
Update: i just video'd her screaming and crying and clawing herself and hitting herself in the head while i was holding her hand trying to settle her. It was her reaction to me confronting her about her being disrespectful to me and her teachers and blaming others for her actions. Can i take that to the school and seek their help? What can the school do as far as helping someone with a troubled teenager when they have no other options left but to kick them out? Its either her or me having a breakdown and at this point i think me and my unborn child should be coming first as much as i want to help im emotionally unable.
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7 Replies
She needs BIG help.
She needs to go back to her mums. It's your mums job, and too bad if they argue! The school can't fix this. She needs her mum to take her to the doctors and get a referral to psychological/psychiatric services.
If she behaves the way she did when you were filming her again, you call an ambulance and have her admitted for psychiatric assessment. The school can't do that for you. That has to happen while she is self harming.
You could ring DOCs for advice too, that would most likely mean foster care system if your mum won't take her.
Your mum needs to get back in the game, parenting isn't something you get to pass onto someone else because it's hard.
Darling, I was in this exact situation with my brother. I was 21 expecting my 3rd child and I took on my 15 year old brother. He was in trouble with the law, cutting school, drinking and doing drugs and my Mum just couldn't cope with him, my dad basically didn't give a rat's arse. I took him on and it very nearly broke me.
As much as you love her you are not responsible for raising your siblings, she sounds like she needs help that's way beyond what you can give. You need to worry about your children first as harsh as that may seem.
In all honesty I think she needs to go back to her mum. And mum needs to step up and put in the hard yards to help your sister recover and get her life on track.
Good luck, I know what a painful situation this is xx
Except our mum never made the time to get her sorted she got her medicated and stopped buying the medication. She never seems to have the money to take herself to the doctor let alone my sister. She doesnt work and has no intention of working and she has just started on the dole. She said she cant afford to have her back and that it will be too much on her because this sister will fight with the younger one and she cant handle it. Meanwhile shes enjoying her life while im constantly miserable and stressed to the max and having to go see a psychologist to help manage my stress because im not coping at all.
So is your sister medicated now? What is her diagnosis? This is ALL relevant information. Does her psychiatrist/psychologist know how she is behaving? What is there advice?
I sit on my sons appointments for his psychiatrist because I can provide feedback on what is working and not working and then the psychiatrist can advise wether medications need tweaking and what I should be doing.
But the school can't do this. Because this is medical and psychological.
If her behaviour gets out of hand call an Ambulance and or the Police. They can take her for assessment at the hospital.
She is medicated. Shes been to the hospital a couple of times for cutting herself. Mum had been to DOCS for help and nothing was ever done about it. At this point im looking for a way out. She needs to go somewhere where she has more help. I have a 3 year old who has hearing issues and is full on and i newborn on the way i am no longer able to help her when im having breakdowns and shaking from the constant stress and just feeling miserable. It will only make me worse im so scared of getting post natal depression because i have too much to deal with she is too much. I can handle my toddler i am fine when shes not around but im finding myself getting bitchy towards her and its not fair on her either.
You need to contact DOCs yourself. Because you aren't her parent you might have more hope. I know it's a stressful situation, but there might not be an out.
Dont give up on her but do get her help, she will get lost in docs. See your gp they can help you show them the video,.just dont give up on her but look after yourself too.