I want her out of my house. My teenage son's girlfriend moved in over a year ago against my approval. She claimed she was being abused by her mother and her only other option was to live on the streets. At first I was just happy for my son to have company because he had been very down and lonely for a long time but I can see this has become a manipulative relationship.
She uses self harm and threatens suicide to get her own way a lot. My son's previous gf took her own life shortly after we moved states so he's already very paranoid and this sends him into a hyperventilating panic and he ends up doing whatever she demands.
I am a single mum with another young child to care for and I haven't been able to afford the extra person to care for. On top I do all the shopping, cooking and cleaning. She is soon to be 19 and has no intention of getting a job or a license. She sits around the the house all day on her phone or watching movies. My son works full time but doesn't have a license yet. He contributes a small amount towards groceries, bills petrol for the both of them ($50/w ea) and gives her the rest of his paycheck which goes in an account he can't access. Meanwhile she can get her hair and nails done with his money but won't give him any of it to sit his license, get lunch, pay his phone bill and so has to borrow it from me.
I've tried to ask her to help out around the house. She won't. She won't even wash her own dishes. I've asked her to leave- she won't. My son is too insecure to let her leave. She goes and hangs out with her mum every other day so I think their relationship is fine. I've tried talking to her. Yelling at her. Sent her to counseling. It's been over a year and I can't see an end to this situation.
I'm not sure what I should do. I don't want my son out on the streets as he's already been put in hospital by local thugs. I just want them to break up and him to meet someone who won't take advantage of him or me.
6 Replies
You need to get them both out of your house! Time to evict her. Get some advice from your local tennents/rental board. EVICT her!
Give her an ultimatum tell her to het a job and help out or leave, tell her you cant afford to look after her and try talking to your son, ask him to keep his money for himself and not to give his pay to her, after all he works hard for his money so its unfair for him to hand it over plus they arent married.. hopefully you can sort this out
i agree! its time for some tough love! you need to accept that your son will possibly try to go with her, and that he might not talk to you briefly but you need to get stronger mumma!! you NEED to do it for your son and for your self!!! its not a question of when either! do it immediately! get your big mumma pants on, eye ball her, tell her she is taking advantage of both of you and you know it and wont accept it any longer. she must get her own job and contribute or leave. i actually suggest you do it infront of your son so he hears everythign you have to say. i understand hes anxious but he has to know thiat this kind of behavoiur is NOT ON! that peopel that are "suicidal" can get help and if she truely was (and not manipulating him) that he could not save her regardless! If she pulls that on him again she needs to go to the hospital (phsych ward) . full stop. if shes not really feeling it then she wont. put some strong rules in lace and protect yoru son. its your house! shes taking advantage of you and your son. your the only one that can stop it. if he leaves he'll learn quickly!!!
play this one carefully, up the rent to somethingmore expensive and put it away for your son, next time she threatens suicide call a ambulance do it "in her best interest" hopefully they hold her for 48 hours an evaluate her, and remember you can chose his girlfriend but you can pick up the pieces
Pack her stuff and send her on her way. Before she ends up pregnant. Sounds like your son neeeds some counselling.
Have the dam locks changed while this bludging little bitch is out on a 'lunch date' with her 'abusive Mother', have the police on standby to arrest her ass and remove her from the property when she goes off, and be firm with your son. Level with him. Tell him you realize he hurts at the loss of his ex, but its time to get angry. Angry at the ex who suicided and left him with all this grief, pain and insecurity, angry at this bludger and shake them off. He is welcome to stay if she ships out but if he wants to remain living with her, they need to go bludge of her abusive Mother for a while! Your primary concern is your younger child. Good luck! X