Hi Mums!
I've wrote in before a few months ago about meeting an amazing guy after coming out of a 6 year emotionally and physically abusive relationship and my ex partner wanting to work things out and get back with me.
Fast forward a few weeks and I have let my ex back into my life and I don't know why. I know it's not going to work out deep down-we are 2 completely different people. I feel I have only done it to keep him happy and keep our children happy. I feel like I'm trapped by him and I can never get away and be happy. I want to so badly get out of this and continue getting to know the amazing guy I had met a bit better but I am so scared I'm nearly making myself sick worrying about the reaction my ex will have when I tell him I don't think it will work out. He knows how to get to me to make me crack and get upset, he knows I'm "weak" as he says and that I will just give in. He wants to in every way make it work and is willing to see a counsellor together in the new year but I just don't want to be in that relationship again, I thought for a while he would change but it feels like yet again he just sucked me in and is slowly changing back.
I'm just so lost and would love some advice... Especially off mums in similar situations with controlling ex partners. :-(
2 Replies
So let me get this straight.
After meeting an amazing guy, one that treated you like you deserved to be treated you allowed your ex to come in between you and into your life only to treat you badly again?
I left my ex 3 years ago, he always hoped to get back together, my kids wanted us to get back together but I didn't go back. Once I was out I stayed out and now that I've met my fantastic guy and we've been together 18months I'd never ever go back or let my ex back into my life. I also would never let my children decide what is right for me.
You have to remember that your kids will be happy if you are happy, they will get used to you not being with their dad. What they won't get used to is the back and forth. They will make it through. Please do what is right for you. Your kids will survive! There's nothing worse than seeing your mum unhappy for the last 15 years, trust me, I know. I watched my mum and dad stay together when they should have split years ago because of a very unhealthy relationship. They are the reason I let go of my ex, they are the reason I didn't stay. I am so happy without my ex, my kids are happy that I'm happy. It gets better and it gets easier. Do not stay in a relationship if it is toxic, if you need to get out, get out! If he's a violent man then make sure you have backup!!
I had a awful controlling boyfriend. He was an awful awful person. I left him. A year later I met the most wonderful guy! My ex did not like that and tried everything to break us up. He refused to see his son unless I ended my new relationship. He didnt see him for 6 months!!! I never gave in. I coped a lot of abuse and I was scared of him but I wasn't going to let him bully his way back into my life. My life is important. I deserve a good one. 6 years later and I'm re-married and have 2 more beautiful children and the that wonderful giy I met stayed that wonderful guy and hes the most amazing dad and person!
You can have that too! See a counsellor for yourself to work through your emotions. If he becomes abusive when you leave again, get an AVO on him. He has no right to dictate your life! Xoxox good luck lovely. You deserve a good life and so do your kids