Yesterday I had a meeting with my son's teachers who let me know they don't feel my son isn't emotionally/socially ready to move up to year 1. Would it be OK for him to remain with the preps? Of course I said yes. Looking at it with an adult understanding it all makes sense. But, when I chatted to him about it last night, he was upset and had been expecting to move up to the next class. It broke my heart to think about his peers moving on and leaving him behind and what how that experience would shape his entire future.
Problem also is he's smart, capable and has every potential to do well ... but I haven't provided the opportunity for him to achieve what he needed to, to enable him get there.
2016 has been a shit of a year. He is brother #4 in a very busy house. I returned to fulltime work in January and we've been coping (just) ever since. My work involves late shifts so some times I don't get home until 9pm. Routine has gone out the window. Homework (sight words, reading practice etc) isn't ever considered unless I'm around and to be honest I'm so tired most of the time I don't make the effort either. Their dad is home but also busy ... focused on work commitments. So when I get home at 9pm boys are still rotating through shower/bedtime routines. Teeth are never brushed. Dinner barely eaten. Bedtime is laaaate and my baby boy is overtired and can't cope with the school day. How do I fix it when I can't be there? How do I teach grown man (their dad) the basics and importance of routine, when he never had one as a child and can't see the reasoning behind it. How do I fix this mess without quitting my job so I can be home to fix it myself?
7 Replies
Write the routine down and stick it on the fridge. Have set times for each basic thing, and bed time no later than 8:00 for a 5/6 year old.
Example.
4:00- homework.
5:30- dinner.
6:00- shower.
6:30- TV/quiet time.
7:00- brush teeth. bed. (Of course use your own times).
This is useless unless mum is there to do it. Das is not on board remember.
It is honestly best you hold him back now instead of him going forward and risk of being held back in year one...
I am a working mother doing 65 70 hour weeks with a kindy kid I how exactly how you feel. My daughter slipped back when I had spinal fusion done at the start of the year and going back to full time 3 months after. I found out where she was struggling and even though I was tired we spent time on the problem areas and she picked up with help from the school as well.
Don't be so hard on yourself you are doing an awesome job
Honestly my lovely, two of my siblings were held back in prep for the same reason and my mum was a stay at home mum and never missed a night of readers or sight words. So don't balme yourself!
Your right though, about their routine. It does need to change. I have three kids and I know night times are tough and if our routine is thrown out of wack, we have a crap night! I like the persons idea of writing up a afternoon/night routine for your kids and husband to follow. Your older kids aren't babies so they can do most of those things without dad, but dad does need to help preppy with his homework! It takes 30 minutes. He just has to commit to it!
Just because he never had one does not mean ge cant do it. His kid struggling at school should be enough!
Their home life is hindering them. I would lose my shit if my kids were still up at 9.
Id rather him leave and get a babysitter.
Could you possibly look at making afternoons easier for dad to accomplish. Maybe slowly ease him into a routine. I would suggest having dinners pre prepared so that dad only needs to reheat. I honestly think homework for a prep kid is a crock of shit anyway but if he is struggling maybe laminate some sight words and stick them up next to the bath so your husband can combine bath time with some light school revision. Pop their toothbrushes next to the bath so they can brush their teeth while they are in there too? The timetable is a great idea. Are you able to call at say 730pm and make sure everything is on track for bedtime? Have their pjs ready to go on their beds. While I agree your husband needs to learn to do these things maybe it would make the transition a bit easier. Depending on how old your other kids are maybe you could ask one of them to read to the preppy each night or look into getting a leap reader or something similar.
Be a parent and be there for them.
You know yourself that you are in a pretty dire situation. If you blame your work this year for him having to be repeated, what are you going to blame next year when his grades alone, what do you blame the other children's behaviour, grades,lack of responsibility?
By the sound of it dad is not on board with the parenting gig, and unless you step up and find a job which allows you to parent, then I don't see a way out.
Your children's basic needs of sleep I'm not being met. This is a massive form of child abuse! You are not allowing your children to succeed.