Help!! My partners 18 year old daughter hates me!! Started by her ignoring my existence even when I invited her into our home for dinner. Now she is texting my son (17) telling him that I'm a bitch and also has created a fake Facebook account telling me she hopes I dies (I have cancer) and to f&$k off and let her father move to Brisbane (where she moved with her mother). I am at my witts end and don't know what to do. My partner tells me to ignore her and her trouble making antics but I don't think I can any longer. He says he will deal with her but she calls and it's all "darling, sweetheart, baby" etc. he says he doesn't want to turn his back on her. I love my partner but I'm seriously thinking of ending our relationship as it's getting very upsetting that he is not acting and also her behaviour upsets my children. Please offer some advice on how to deal with this and what to say to him.
11 Replies
Firstly do the obvious things and block her on social media. Tel, your partner to man up and tell her to pull her head in or move out!
Just to be clear, Telling his daughter off and expecting her to behave herself doesn't mean he has to cut her out. But he does need to make it very clear her behaviour is unacceptable and he needs to protect you from her behaviour. I would not be inviting her into my home again
She's been nasty to me since she first met me. I've only ever been nice to her (her father agrees) and have been very tolerant of her behaviour but I can't do it anymore. He said he's spoken to her about her attitude towards me previously but nothing has changed. I've threatened to take her disgusting messages to the police but I don't think I ever would. He thinks she is an angel but she is far from it. Before she moved away she slept with 5 of my sons really good mates in the one weekend just to get at him.
Time to tell him to go. Sounds like a lot of drama you'd be better off without!
Are you the reason he isn't living where they are? If that is the case, you can talk until the cows come home but she won't listen. The father needs to man up, her behaviour is despicable, is the break up recent, sounds like he needs to have a good d and m with her.
His ex moved to Brisbane to be with her new partner. Her dad (my partner) was to move there as well but he met me so stayed. They broke up 2 and a half years ago and we have been together about 18 months. It's hard to not be resentful towards him and his daughter
So the crux of the issue is:
1 She blames you for not having her dad in Brisbane and
2 He won't stand up to her because he feels guilty that he didn't move because of you.
Short of moving to Brisbane, not sure how you can fix this?
I think him not moving as was the plan has devastated her and in male style hes probably never sat down and spoken to her about it, that this is whats happening and explained how he could make that choice.
So shes angry. Thats not going to change until he sorts it out, if he can.
Yep, nip it in the bud now. She's 18 for gods sake, she's not a child. She told you she hopes you die? She's a piece of work. If your husband isn't willing to stand up to someone who has told his wife with cancer that they hope she dies then he'd be out the door if that were me.
Trust me I'm dealing with a similar situation except with my in laws and 6 years down the road I'm only realising that I should have made my husband man up or got rid of him when I first saw their true colours. It won't get any better so don't let it go. Either he puts her in her place and expects better treatment of you (and follows through on those expectations) or I would be letting move to Brisbane- without you!
So he's now confronted his daughter who has said she never sent me any messages! He doesn't believe her and neither do I for that matter. She did admit to him she doesn't like me and never has. Didn't give a reason. He tried to condone her behaviour by saying "she's never had to share me with anyone and now she does". I agree that may be hard for her but she's 18 so surely should be able to cope with sharing her father?? He's always referred to her as his favourite child and in his eyes she does no wrong.
She probably hasnt had to deal with sharing as in him choosing not to love near her and choosing to be near someone else isntead.
Not many children ever have to deal with that no matter how old. And shes hurt so already sensitive and aware of every time he makes a choice to benefit him and you over his relationship with her.
Had to be said....darling I'm moving down to Brisbane to be close to you even though I'm not with your mum anymore, things won't change too much due to the divorce.....darling, I have actually met a woman up here and so I will be staying here now, living with her and her son of similar age....who I will see every day.....!! You've seen posts on here about grown women with children not coping with their parents divorce, but he has really let her down monumentally, such a broken promise. I don't know how their relationship will overcome such a disappointment to be honest. None of this is your fault, you walked into this, just saying it how she might see it.