ok Mums, i need HELP!!! I NEED advice!!!
we have three children, we have a full loving family {mum dad and three kids} dad works even roster away and home, we have a roof over our heads its an older and smaller home {curently working towards being able to get a bigger place but for now this is what it is and it does the job} ,all kids are wonderful they have manners and for everyone else the two oldest {8 girl 10 boy} are perfectly well behaved, so they know right from wrong they know wh behaviour is acceptable they know how to use manners they know how to help and be respectful BUT at home its like all that goes out the door, they fight like cats and dogs majority of the time and it doesnt help that their rooms are small and you need to go through one to get to the other so they have no place to go to do their own thing without the other one being around, the constant arguing name calling and rudeness to one another is doing my head in they also have at times been rough shoving each other as the other goes past hitting - that part is not all the time but it does happen weekly. the oldest is very smart does well at school behaves and gets wonderful grades and well liked by almost all his peers, ive never had any issues with behavior at school model student, BUT his attitude at home...... ok we have days where is hes the great kid i know he is but we also have more days of him being rude / sarcastic, obnoxious. not listening, asked repeatedly to stop doing such and such but continues, argus at absolutely everything, please take bin out {his daily job} argus about it, go for a shower..... argus about it, clean your room, argus about it and generally does whatever to not doing said thing........ive tried asking nicely several times in a row ..... ive tried explaining, ive treid yelling ive gotten to the point that hes been so rude and defiant i am yelling and screaming the house down at how rotten his behaviour is and how ive had enough, nup doesnt work ive taken things away ive grounded ive set chores to do as punishment and been met with "nup im not doing that" "nope " and just refuses i send to bedroom he refuses to go, so i lecture or i say nothing and then come back and try and calmly talk about the situation and explain that we all need to pitch in and do our bit, after all said and done he usually apolgies and does the thing asked but how do i get him to not be so rude and disrespecful how do i get him to change his attitude how do i not allow it to get to point where i and yelling and screaming......... im trying to raise him/them to be good kids and good adults who do their fair share within reason {they arnt expected to do alot - but i do expect them to help when asked} do i just leave it be if he doestn want to comply? so not to let it get to an argument/fight/yelling match or is that letting him get away with it, do i force him and keep asking/yelling until he complies which likely will teach him to just yell and scream, and also effect his emotional state? im lost im really really struggling with how to handle these situations. eveyone says dont let him walk all over you, you need to be firm well ok im firm but then when he says nup not doing tht or nup not going to my room or give me some smart arse reply as hes walking away what then? how do i handle that?
ok 8 year old girl, beautiful kid loves attention, we r very simialr becasue we both wear our hearts on our sleevs but we also clash, shes needy i can soend all day gving her attention but the minute i do something with another kid/sibling she gets shitty and says "why dont u do that with me" could be something as simple as blowing rasberrys on the babies belly, ive spent all day focused on her yet all she uis focused on is how i sent five seconds blowing a rasberry on the babys belly and not hers eiy!
she has no self control as in for example she cant get her shirt off instead of saying mum can u please help she screams stomps and yells "can u just help me!! this stupid shirt" in a frustrated damanding way, i help but also tell her hey just ask nicely and il happily help u theres no need for that.
so im lost im doubting my skills as a mother, all i want is a happy home and a harmonious one as much as possible but it seems daily everyone is yelling and anrgy and hates being here together, i get that they r at that age other parents tell me their kids ar rude and have attitude also but am i doing something wrong? how did u raise your kids to become wonderful caring thoughtful and respectful adults? how did u get through this age, are their behaviours normal? how should i react these behaviours, am i too soft? too hard? what should i do in moments like these when my children are just being defiant and saying no to me and trying to argu the point or back chatting do u ignore and just go about ur day or do u call them out, i read a book that said cuddle ur kids and it will fix everything and also do the i want_______ and i feel______ approach adn that then the child should comply , but you know what my kids dont give a rats, i mean i sure they care if its making me feel bad but in the heat of the moment all they care about is what they want and how they feel they are not going to cmply just becasue i said this statement.........
im worried my baby will grow up also hearing the way we all interact and just follow suit {it was never like this when my other two were little they were good kids the home was lovely and quiet and harmonious its just been since they have gotten older and school aged and this year has been especially difficult with their behavour and ages} just to note dads on the same page we r a good team and he feels the same as me we have discussed making changes within our parenting style like trying to keep calm and not raise our vocies etc but its hard and sometimes its the only way they will listen even though i feel sick after wards, we back each other and pull the kids up if we hear them being disrespectful to the other parent. and they adore their baby sibling it was a fmaily decision one we made together all of us for u to add to our family and they r really good with the baby so i dont think that having a baby in the family has made their behaviour the way it is, they started this sort o stuff when they started schooling just progressivly gettign worse over the years as they get older etc
these kids have a good life i just dont understand why they are behaving the way they do i mean life would be amazing if they could get along with each other and just not back chat or be defiant at every step! i feel like im lost and not sure how to go on parenting im great at parenting little kids but have no experience at parenting tweens, so im worried i will ruin them or make things ten times worse, please give me advice please if this is a normal stage for kids this age how did u get through those moments?
like ive said weve tried almost everything behavour charts, rewrads, money, activities, for good behaviour, {they just wait until its the day they want something to do anything} weve tried rewarding the positive, weve tried taking things away grouding loosing activities, giving chores usually creates ore back chatting and rudenss/arguments and sometimes they do they choore sometimes they refuses {mainly the older boy the girl will usualy do the chore in f
act she has taken the blmae and done the chore for something the brother did just so they could come out of their rooms} sending to rooms once worked now older one just refuses 8 year sits in room yelling out and being obnoxious lol HELP ME! pleae mummas just give me some advice
from a mumma who adores he kids but they ssending me batty
ps sorry for all the spelling mistakes too rushed to spell check
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