I have noticed that a lot of people in my life remark now on how "strict" we are with Miss 5yrs and its really starting to get to me for some reason. We dont believe we are overly strict with her and believe our house rules that are set are age appropriate so just wanted to know others expectations of their children around this age. All the things we expect are also demonstrated daily by hubby and I so its hardly a case of "do as I say and not as I do"
anyway a few of our general household rules include:
setting the table and eating at the table (with cutlery if required) eating with our mouths closed, taking dirty plates up to the bench
Using "please" "thank you" and "excuse me" daily as required
Dirty washing goes in the wash basket and clean clothes are folded and put away (usually by mum but 9/10 if we ask miss 5yrs to help she will)
If you play with something it gets put away when you are finished (or at the latest before we go out / go to bed etc)
We dont hit, kick, bite or scream at anyone else and time out is used when required
We dont have a lot of tv time but with dad being self employed and mum working fulltime there is neither time in the morning nor the evening of school days. Usually we have a movie or 2 over the weekend but otherwise the tv isnt on
we dont run or wear shoes inside either
all this aside, we actually have a lot of fun most of the time and I honesty thought all this was just good etiquette. A lot of my girlfriends have children with whom they just want to be friends with. Most of these children swear, kick, bite & punch their parents, destroy posessions, furniture, their bedrooms, literally everything as they have no respect for anything.
Im far from perfect (& Miss 5 has had her share of epic meltdowns!) and I know how judgemental I must sound against some of the ladies I regard as close friends, I just struggle as they have different views on raising children and its becoming more and more evident to me.
I know Im not the only one so would just like to hear from some others that think along the same lines as me and how you respond when you are told you are too strict... tia xxx
12 Replies
Don't worry about what other people think. You can never please everyone. If it works for you and your family then keep doing it. I don't think that is overly strict though. Sounds like what I do with miss 7.
I think all of these things sound very appropriate. You are not too strict. Sounds very normal in my family and friends group.
Also at 5 my son could unload the dishwasher, hang is own towels up to dry on towel rack. Change toilet paper.
Nope don't let it bother you.
My son is 5 and does the same and more. I get told I'm too strict on him but then when we are out places I get told how amazing his manners and behaviour is by the same people who say I'm too strict.
Sometimes you can't win lol. Do what's right for your family and be proud your raising your daughter to know that helping out is part of being a family
It sounds like you are doing awesome with her!!
I agree those things are good but whats most important is your interactions. If youre spending msot of your time correcting, rule reminding, disciplining, that becomes their inner voice. I dont think they should always be on guard thinking carefully to remember everything they need to do. Free time is invaluable to their development. Much more important than remembering and following rules.
Are they calling you strict due to your household rules, because they wouldn't really know about her chores unless you are always talking about them. Maybe it is the way you engage with her on social occasions, are you always on top of her during special occasions? I would say what people are seeing is more the way you speak to her? If it's a few people saying it (which in my opinion is rude, you should parent how you want) and it bothers you, ask them what they mean by it.
Stick to it, my 19 year old was raised similarly and he's turned out to be a pearler of a kid, I couldn't have wished for better.
there is no hand book on raising kids, it is fly by the seat of your pants and you do the best you can and set boundaries from what you deem to be whats right... no two parenting styles are the same, I did the same as you when my daughter was little though she had more TV time ( children need to be kids and they can learn so much from the appropriate shows and a set amount of time.... ie give her 30 mins of TV while your cooking dinner..) and I allowed her to run... but outside of that i raised my daughter no differently....but here is the clincher that no one tells you.... for everything you teach them now, when they go to school its just about all out the window...they become so heavily influenced by the other children that you are forever constantly changing your parenting style to cope and its hard ..... my daughter is 22 now and I am proud of her to bits but from age 8 on was well gave war of the worlds a run for its money.... a combination of the fact that you are not just dealing with a child, but a individual person who has independent thought and there own personality the one thing I would have done differently is not enforce my will to be hers but adapt mine to suit hers more to get the same outcome...when they speak to you listen to what they are telling you, read between the lines as they often don't know exactly how to say what they mean... communication is the key and support... be on the same page for both parents don't let anyone override your authority with your child as that will be the end of your authority as parents.... ( my parents and my grandmothers overrode me at every turn, if i said NO they said YES, if I said bed time they said she could stay up till her show finished...) I lost all authority as a parent and it made life beyond difficult FYI, I was a single mother I had no partner to back me up... So keep doing what your doing, allow a little more down time for Miss 5 and stick to your guns... don't let anyone undermine your authority as a parent....
So beautifully said! People are so hell bent on "rules", but every child is different and you have to be flexible. Giving kids choices (as opposed to my way or the highway), negotiating on things, working to their strengths, listening more than talking to them, reading between the lines, respecting their thoughts and ideas, valuing their input, so many soft skills that can take your household from combative to peaceful. I like boundaries, rules to me are what authoritarians use and I never want to be an authoritarian in my own home.
Each to their own. In my opinion they are only kids once and will have to set the table and do chores for her whole adult life so why not let them have fun now. In saying that your rules seem mostly appropriate to me. My 6 year old has never "bitten or kicked" anyone. He always says please and thankyou. He is aloud to run through the house because well he is 6. He definetly doesnt set the table but will always put his dirty dishes in the sink. He certainly doesnt help fold the washing but I dont expect that. As I said, each to their own. Your household doesnt sound like a horrible place to live thats for sure. It doesn't matter what I do or what you do. The point is we all parent differently and thats ok! Dont worry about what other people think of you and dont worry about how your girlfriends parent because it doesnt matter at the end of the day.
Sounds like you're friends are the ones that should be feeling worried about their parenting, not you. Your rules are pretty standard, at least in my world. Having kids often changes the dynamics of your own friendships - I've experienced the same. Not to do with house rules as such, but just different routines or styles of dealing with meltdowns, different believes about foods and sleep and all sorts of things that crop up with small children. Most of my friendships have weathered those storms pretty well, but there were times when some of us drifted apart because of those little things. But we've mostly become closer again now that we're out the crazy baby/toddler phase. But a few friendships have been lost since kids, partly because of those differences but also partly because kids and their activities, as well as our own work and other committments, take up so much of our time that we tend to prioritise the closest/longest/most special friendships and let some of the others slide. We can't do it all. Just keep doing what you're doing, don't burn bridges, just wait it out and let it run its natural course. Things might get better as your friends' kids grow up a bit and your friends realise they need to be a bit firmer in order to have happier families.
I get the same. But i also get told that my childs one of the most well behaved & polite kids out there. Were their parents, were the ones that are supposed to teach them appropriate life skill& manners. Theres so many kids out there that are just rude shits. We have to start early so we can raise great people!
We have the EXACT same rules and more! And I feel exactly the same way as you, I could have written this word for word. I don't believe it's being strict. It's teaching children right from wrong, respect and responsibility. That's why we are their parents, what parents are for, to teach them this and give them the tools to live their lives as a decent person. I can't understand why people these days feel like they should be their best friend and just give them everything instead and jump at their child's every demand. Thats not teaching them about life. And they'all be a greater friend to you when they get older and know that you taught them well. Teach them the wrong thing and you'll get it all back ten fold when they grow and believe they're self entitled and treat you like shit!