Hi IM's
My 17 year old stepdaughter has just found out today that she is pregnant (3weeks) to her very new boyfriend. She has been living with my husband & I for the past few months. Just wondering if anyone has some general advice to help support her & her very boyfriend?
My husband & I have told them they're more than welcome live here, we'll genuinely help with whatever they need. She is studying a course outside of school & working part-time. They are equally anxious about what to do & how to tell people.
I've just taken her to Doctors appointment (urine test, blood test) & its been confirmed that she is very early pregnancy stages. We bought mutlivitamins, folic acid, she doesn't drink or smoke so no habits to give up. Their plan is to eventually move out together, once her boyfriend has finished his apprenticeship.
If anyone has any advice it would be really appreciated, her Mum lives hours away & has reportedly told her that the best plan is to abort.
8 Replies
As someone who had my son while still at home.
Allow them to make mistakes. Allow her room and space to raise her child, even if that means the baby cries a few more seconds or minutes then you'd like let them do it.
Set guideline around what you will do. My parents did normal babysitting duties and helped if I asked. But they never took over or just did stuff. It was exactly what I needed. I needed them to let me stand on my own two feet and find my confidence.
The boyfriend needs to pay board while living with you.
Help your daughter write a list of what she will genuinely need (be practical). Help them write a budget.
I was a teenage mum and what you are doing already is fantastic. I copped a fair bit of judgement but I tried not to let it get to me. I went to antenatal classes for teens and tried to access as much outside support as possible I hope you have this in your area. I considered abortion but it wasn't for me and now I have an amazing 12 year old who is smart and funny and raised most of his life by a single mum (broke up with dad when he was 4). I told people when I was ready it was a big shock for me and everyone there's no rush to tell everyone let the dust settle a bit and get your head around it all first... Goodluck
You are awesome parents xx
Good on you for supporting her :) I fell pregnant at 17 too, my Dad told me to get an abortion and my Mum too, they even tried to pressure me to keep drinking when I turned down a drink, saying I wasn't going to keep it anyway but I did stand up to them. Proved them wrong I'm now 23, got married at 19, had our second child at 21 and we have our own home our children are very happy and healthy. I would just encourage her to keep up with her studies and same with dad, keep at his apprentiship and he will be okay :). If there's judgment with announcing it just help her see those opinions don't matter but you and your husband and those who love her back her 100% and know she'll be a great Mum. They sound like they have their heads screwed on by studying and the boyfriend having an apprentiship the most important thing is them knowing that adult life is a whole lot different to teenage hood because it can come as a big shock especially being responsible for a little one. All the best xx
Again must add to everyone else. You both are doing exactly the right thing and being supportive.
Just suport them great that you got her into the drs so early. Perhaps find a place that has courses for young parents ect. But most of all support
Sounds like youve got this! I fell pregnant to my boyfriend of 3 months when I was 16. That little boy is 7 now and his dad and I are happily married with baby #2 on the way. My mum was so supportive of me during that time, which I think is what made everything okay. Im a nurse now and love my life, we just bought our own home and couldnt be happier. Thankyou for giving much needed support to this young family.. you rock!
I had an abortion when I was 16, and honestly it was the best decision of my life. I had a partner whom I'm still with now (21) and I have not once regretted it. We've both been able to study and get a good careers, travel and live our young lives. In my case it was the best decision for me.
She should in no way feel pressured to do something she doesn't want to, but also she needs to be aware of how big a commitment this is. There's nothing wrong with terminating if she isn't ready. Especially if she has no license/sustainable income.
There is also nothing wrong with keeping a baby she wants to raise.
Ultimately it is her choice, but she shouldn't be ashamed whichever one she makes.