Question lovely IM's.
Recently I bought my sister a gift for her bday. It was expensive, I spent a lot of time getting it, and she opened it and said "oh, I don't like it".
It was so rude. I was highly offended.
My 2 little ones were there, 5they were upset as well.
I talked to the kids later that night about gifts being about the thought behind it and that they were never to ever say what Aunty said, even if they didn't like something, or already had one, they save it till no one is around and whisper it to mum or dad to get it off their chest, but to always be grateful, thankful and humble.
My mother did the same with her gift in April. It's clear to see where my sister got it from.
My question is, what would you do?
Has this happened to you?
I said to my husband "they get gift vouchers from now on", and I won't be purpose buying them anything any more.
Worth noting- my sister is in her late teens. Big age gap between us.
Gift giving- the rude acceptance
Gift giving- the rude acceptance
Posted in:
Life Lessons
6 Replies
I think I behaved like that once when I was about 13! Never did it again, after my mum ripped shreds off of me in private.
This is a learnt behaviour from your mum, not quite your sisters fault she is a spoilt brat. Id still get her a present but I wouldn't be going to any expense or effort over it.
Yeah just dont bother in future, or it could be that she thinks youre close enough to be honest. Did she say thank you for the thought and im sorry but... or did she chuck it aside and not care. And how emotionally mature is she in general.
If I don't like something, I NEVER say I don't like it to their face.
If she truly doesn't want it, return it and get your money back. Then put $10 in a card.
Ungrateful people don't deserve your time.
I no longer give nieces and nephews gifts, just cash. As I was sick and tired of them chucking their stuff in the cupboard never to be seen again.
So nothing wrong with gift cards! (But don't go over $50!)
It's great you used this as an example for your kids, they saw how upset you were and they'll always remember that so you shouldn't have to worry about them ever behaving the same way. I would not buy either of them gifts going forward and not give cash either. If someone can't appreciate the time, thought and cost of a carefully chosen gift, as far as I'm concerned they don't appreciate the cash either, just expect it.
Tell her it's rude, she needs a wake up call. My sister (35) did this to my parents last Xmas. She would never do it to a friend though.
I pulled her aside later and explained that it was hurtful and probably made them feel bad and just to be gracious. She didn't really realise as sometimes people forget that you still have to be polite with family as well.
Just be honest with her.
I have an older cousin that did this all through her childhood and teens. Her parents never really pulled her up on it. We all found it terribly distressing at Christmas time and birthdays, and it resulted in people being a bit scared to buy her presents! These days, people opt for gift vouchers or cash, but then she makes snide remarks when she opens them ("I guess it's hard to choose something for me when you don't see me much anymore"). She has grown up to be a selfish, self-centred, bitchy woman (now in her 40s), with few true friends, and has had many struggles getting along with people both personally and professionally. Over the years we have kept the peace, and amazingly there has been no awkwardness at family events. I look back and wish with all my heart that her parents had been firmer with her. I think it would have made a huge difference. My own mum (her aunt) and our grandmother used to try to set things straight with her, but it didn't have much of an impact. She is very close to her mum and I think hearing it from her own mum would have been different to hearing it from other family members. Acceptance of bad behaviour by your own parents has a much bigger influence than resistance by other family members. So my suggestion is to see if it's possible to get your mum on side - which I know would be hard because your mum has the same tendencies. But it's your mother's influence that may have started this in the first place, so she's the one that will have the same level of influence to fix this. And by the same token, you've done a terrific thing to talk to your kids about it and teach them the social etiquette of gift giving. Good work IM xo