My teenage daughter has been sexually assaulted. Historically. Went for 7 years. She broke her silence earlier this year. Police, therapists and everyone needed is involved.
Basically the whole family is seeing someone to try and help.
A few months ago one of my vibrators ( yes kept in a box hidden in a high cupboard in our bedroom) went missing. We asked her if she took anything like that and were met with a disgusted look and we left it at that. We knew it just have been her, she's the oldest and the only one who has been sexualised. All others are too young.
My husband saw it in one of her half open drawers over the weekend. In a drawer full of clean and used pads.
I don't know what to do. This is beyond me. I'll
Obviously speak to her therapist and mine but.. all I want to do is cry and throw it all in the bin and pretend this isn't happening to my baby and my family.
Bloody awful.
8 Replies
I'm sorry for what happened.
She is a teenager and masturbating is quite age appropriate wether she was sexually assaulted or not. It feels good and as long as it's a 'solo' event then all is good.
I'm pretty sure (more than sure) my son has been masturbating since he was about 12. I'm pretty sure I was at it around that age too (I was never sexually abused in any way).
The innapropriate part is the taking of your vibrator. Maybe she felt you'd freak out and if she doesn't have money of her own or a way to access products without you knowing then she felt backed into a corner.
Thank you for your response. It all rushed to my head. My husband told me he used to look around his parents room around 13 too. I remember doing It also. It's just hard to remain level headed when all I'm being told every day is that my daughter has been oversexualised. What's even normal? It's so hard.
Thank you again.
Original poster.
If you are unsure, maybe ring brave hearts and ask their opinion? Best wishes xx
This is humiliating to admit to so im glad it's anonymous. I too stole my mums sex toys when i was young. I started masturbating and wanted one but didn't know how to get it. I was never a victim of sexual abuse. Masturbation is very normal so i dont think its a symptom of what shes been through. I also was a bit of a pig who would leave used lady items in her room. Kids and teenagers are gross. I wouldnt talk to her about this but if maybe look into adding a new bin (or 2) in her room and make sure you or her empty it regularly. Is it possible to maybe buy her something she can use for herself? As odd and creepy as that sounds.
Ps. It might actually be a good sign that she still may have a healthy sexual relationship with herself, its a good sign for that she feels pleasure from this instead of been disgusted by herself
Thank you so much. It's so hard to know what is normal for her. She's my oldest also.. I've given her a beauty case for what she has of mine. I've told her to keep it clean. And to not go in to my things again. But it's all hers and just keep it hidden from other in her room. I told her that's all I'll ever mention of it again.
Regarding her lady things I've decided to make a drawer up in the bathroom of pads tampons bags and things to try and help. And yes a bin for her room.
Thank you again.
It sounds like she is acting in a rather normal way considering what has happened to her....and that is a good thing and i am sure your not making a big deal of it with her as she needs to feel normal and have a healthy understanding of her body and feelings so this is a good thing... though may i suggest a hypno-psychotherapist - while therapists etc are great on the surface issues, a good hypno-therapist will help deal with all the underlying subconscious emotional trauma that goes right back to the start of it... and gives on going between session recordings to reinforce the sessions they have.... If you live in Brisbane i can recommend someone who is brilliant... otherwise please look into it in your area...
Its perfectly normal for a teenager to experiment, especially so for a child who has been abused. I wouldnt make a big deal about it to her. Its very important that you dont make her feel ashamed.
I would gently suggest that you will leave a bin in her room or bathroom for her dirty pads so she feels more comfortable.