So fricken over it!
My daughter gets looked after by: my mum, my MIL, her dad (all have her one day each) day care (2 days) and then myself (on weekends).
I am absolutely sick to death of having her passed around! Each carer has a different role in her life. She NEVER gets told no unless she is with me or at day care. She gets away with everything at the other 3 places. And then I get her back of an afternoon (she sleeps at mine full time) and she is a little poo because I try and enforce rules and dicipline with her.
I work 5 days. I put this (stupid) arrangement in place to keep everyone happy. But I am so fucking sick of everyone telling me how 'wonderful' she is, until I turn up. Apparently as soon as I step foot in the door, she turns from an angel to a devil child. Apparently I am the bad influence. I'm sick of everyone having fun with her, and me being the only person who enforces any kind of rules. She literally runs a muck at my mums, MIL and her dads. I have seen it first hand. I have seen them overrule me when I try to discipline her. When I tell her dad that's she's been naughty (while she's there), he fucking laughs and then says 'she's good with me'. It's not true! She's not! It's just that no one invests any time in shaping the way she turns out. No one is interested in saying NO to her. She gets everything she wants. Tantrum, gets her way.
Arrrgggghhhh!!!
Taking care away from mum, MIL and her dad isn't an option. I have been very vocal in telling them how I feel, but seriously, they all just laugh at me.
I love my baby girl to pieces, but I want to enjoy her too. Instead I spend my time correctly the bad behaviours she learnt from the other three.
What can I do?? So frustrated.
13 Replies
Relax and enjoy her. Shes probably not awful for them and shes probably not awful for you, but very tired by the end of a long day holding it together behaving well for someone else. Pushing her then to hold it together is very hard.
Pushing her to be different in each household is also a big expectation on a child. You might need to just understand that some things are permitted by dad and not go against it, for the sake of not making it so hard on her.
Give her a break let her loose, you both need to relax and unwind and just be together at the end of a long day. It doesnt make a bad child. It makes a loved, supported, rounded one.
I totally understand ur comment. Thank u. I do tell myself this all the time, and I do enjoy our time together, but I just feel like as soon as I have to say no to her, she has a tantrum expecting to get her way. For example: she asked for chocolate at 8am. I said no. Tantrum. The other week I dropped her at mums. My daughter asked for lollies (it was 7am). Mum gave them to her.
I totally understand ur comment. Thank u. I do tell myself this all the time, and I do enjoy our time together, but I just feel like as soon as I have to say no to her, she has a tantrum expecting to get her way. For example: she asked for chocolate at 8am. I said no. Tantrum. The other week I dropped her at mums. My daughter asked for lollies (it was 7am). Mum gave them to her.
Yeah no i wouldnt be giving in to that either. Try to stay cool and calm through the tantrum. Try not to use the word no, something like, if you get ready really well you can have it this afternoon. (And do give it, find something positive to say she did).
Id be mad at grandma too, but try to find ways to deal that doesnt let it put extra stress on you and your girl.
Even say, if you get ready and get to grandma's you can have it there. Or Ill tel grandma she can give you a treat. Use grandma spoiling her for your own benefit, if you know its going to happen anyway you might as well take the credit for it!
Could her dad have her 2 days a week and your mum and mother in law alternate? Or is an extra days daycare an option and your mum and mother in law alternate the other day so they get her once a fortnight each? They're probably all just excited to be spending time with her. How old is your daughter? It's quite common for kids to act out and push the limits for their primary carer plus what you see as naughty, they might see as being a kid or they have rose coloured glasses.
My daughter has just turned 3. I know it's their job to spoil her, I just feel when she is being passed from person to person, there kind of has to be consistency with rules. I'm a big rule person lol
Take care away from the grandparents etc. just do it! It's always an option. They can go back to normal occasional baby sitting.
Unfortunately you either put up with her behaviour or you stand up for yourself and change the situation.
Seriously I wish I could! It would cause WW3. My family would not talk to me...although things r already strained. I have already made many changes that have caused issues with my family. Ie day care. Thanks for ur comment :)
I would cause WW3!!!! The grandparents sound over involved. How will you deal when they let her get away with stuff at 12 and you've totally lost control because she can run to her grandparents
Stop trying to keep everyone happy, it's your daughter that needs to be happy and she might be now getting everything she wants and no discipline but later it will be more of a problem than it is now. Can you have 3 days of childcare, 1 day with dad, then MiL and your mum one day per fortnight on alternate weeks? I wouldn't worry about WW3, just offer to put in daycare 5 days a week if that's what they'd prefer.
I really get the WW3 comment but you have asked for advice and the BEST and most obvious decision you won't make. So, you have spoken to Grandparents and Dad and they have ignored you, you can't/won't remove care so you are pretty much stuck with it.
I would tell them that this is there one and only warning, they either shape up or they ship out. You are the Mum and it is by your grace that the grandparents have her the other days.
I'm going to be a hard ass here.
Grow a spine, if you want things to change CHANGE them! Go to centrelink, find out how much help you can get for childcare and put your daughter in for the rest of the week.
The Grandparents don't like it? Tough shit, YOU are the parent, not them! They can go back to getting visits.
Right now, they're treating you like a doormat and you are letting them. Put on you big girl pants and DO something.
You have to do what is best for your child and it sounds like that is going to day care. You need to stand up to your family and do the right thing for your daughter. Who cares if they are mad at you, they'll get over it and even if they don't, too bad for them.